Trying to get over terrible anxiety - please help - 2nd hip
Posted , 10 users are following.
Hello lovely hippies.
I have been on the forum on and off for years and had my first hip replaced a couple of years ago. I had a couple of unusual problems, but it worked out in the end. Now my next one is coming up so soon (24th) I am becoming incredibly anxious even though I know it is a brilliant successful operation. Did you feel like this the second time around? Should I not be feeling more confident because I know how it works?
I have put this second THP off for so long already. The 'risks' of making it through the actual surgery is making me feel so stressed and so tearful. I was really terrified the first time, and you would think this time I would be less so. I am really struggling and wondered how you overcome this feeling?
I constantly remind myself of the positive outcome, but I can't get past the sense of rising panic again. I am crying sometimes out of the blue, everything feels very final and although rationally this is really not the way to approach things (I am usually very much a bright and positive soul) I can't help the way I feel about this particular surgery.
I have two children that I love deeply, and this is having such an impact on all of us, and I would do anything not to be in this position. I know I have to do this, but I am struggling.
Love Rose
3 likes, 15 replies
maryboo rose0000
Posted
Dear Rose,
I can understand your anxiety. I was that way when my child was small. I was worried every time I would fly or was in the hospital, worrying what would happen if I died. I know you are afraid. but try to concentrate on what life will be after your hip is fixed and all the reasons that you should fix it. Focus on what you can't do with your family if you don't fix it and it continues to get worse. Then think of how lovely it will be to do things with them again. Maybe it would be helpful to actually plan something after your surgery, like a trip or something you are forgoing now that your hip is miserable. I mean really plan and get the family excited about it, whether it's a visit to the zoo, go see relatives, a trip, etc., even the simple things like playing ball or going for a long walk, or horsing around with your children. Keep a sheet of paper with you with those plans, brochures, notes, with you and when you are feeling anxious look it over and think of the things you can't do now how nice it will be to be able to do them again. If you are still so anxious please talk to your doctor, there are medications that can help too. You can do this because you already did it. Sorry you have to go through this again. Wishing you the best of results and a quick and uneventful recovery. Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.
rose0000 maryboo
Posted
Thank you Mary, that is a really good idea. Having a sheet of paper with goals and reassurances to refer to when I start to feel anxious. If they weren't still young and need me so much I would be better or fine even.
You would think I would know better!! It is not like I haven't done it before.
I absolutely hate the pre op wait and worry, it is by far the worst bit!!
catherine58214 rose0000
Posted
Hi Rose.
It sounds as if logically you know you be fine but the emotional part of your brain wants to play yes...but what if game!
Worry is exhausting as the mind wanders from one catastrophe to the next imagining all sorts and the more anxious we get the worse the catastrophes become
I would suggest you try to stop engaging with the thoughts by moving your attention to what your doing at the time using your senses to ground you into reality. You could say to yourself i havent got time to think about this now i will come back to it later. Postponing worry can help some people as can use of moving your attention into the moment rather than it being in your mind
If your mind does this a lot i would suggest a course of CBT therapy would teach you how to manage anxiety effectively post hip op but in meantime try the above
Good luck with your hip op
Am 9weeks now and glad i took the plunge.
rose0000 catherine58214
Posted
Thank you for your message. I don't suffer from anxiety usually, it is only about this particular surgery and nothing else.
I am (almost) entirely confident about the procedure. I can't say I am excited about it, but I am looking forward to getting my old life back. It shocks me when I feel this scared, as I am not normally fragile. I can't easily talk about it, as other people see me as a positive person someone that gets on with things. This is a big departure from my usual self. I tried talking to my husband but he just doesn't seem to understand, and seems alarmed that I am handling it 'so badly'. I feel I have disappointed him if anything. Although he has tried to understand, he has never experienced anything beyond one broken bone so can't relate.
I guess it stems from the feeling my children will be left alone. I have very little in the way of family, and lots of my closest friends live very far away. If something happened to me that would be have my husband, and our local friends but no mother. I have had a sense of insecurity from the minute I had babies, my family are not present, and my husbands have all died.
I am practising mindfulness it is a good suggestion and does work, but when I stop, and eventually I do because it is tiring, it rushes back. I seriously wish I could deal with this in a better way!
I would love to know if others go ahead with the surgery and can do so without being sad, how are they not scared and worried?
maryboo rose0000
Posted
I completely understand. i was one who was always in control too. don't worry about disappointing anyone else. Do what's right for you. Perhaps talking to your family doctor would be a big help and they can help you get through this.
MrsHoppy rose0000
Posted
Hi, I think its totally understandable that you have some anxiety! at the end of the day, it is big surgery and whilst it sounds as though you did well, you obviously are aware that its not easy. If you know that its necessary for the 2nd hip then at least you can take advantage of knowing what works well for you and what help you need to put in place. keep posting on here as well, ive found it to be a good support x
MrsHoppy rose0000
Posted
Oh Rose, I do understand, especially when you mention being usually so strong and having children. I am a stereotypical gobby Yorkshire lass, proud mam of 2 stepping lads (aged 19 and 21) who will forever be my boys so therefore I like to be in charge except when I have to go away from them, be it on holiday or hospital and I turn into a nervous, shaky anxious person who second guesses everything! All you can do is plan the best you can, make a list of vital things that need sorting, the things you would prefer to be done and the rest will fall into place. it will only be a few weeks x take care x
rose0000 MrsHoppy
Posted
Thanks Mrs Hoppy! Iove your name 😃
You are right it is only a few weeks that we are out of action for, not very long in the grand scheme of things. It feels like a weight being lifted just to be able to talk openly about it. I am always trying to look at the brighter side aware that I am lucky my last one went well, but somehow doesn't translate once the next surgery is imminent. I can't wait for it to be over!!!!!!
Thank you for your support - it does mean so much to me. This forum is amazing for helping and being there for each other. Life line over the years. I was glad I was able to help after mine was out of the way.
MrsHoppy rose0000
Posted
Lols mrs hoppy as in mrs hopkinson ....hoppy is my hubbys nickname so all his mates call me mrs hoppy😂 fitted well with the crutches tho😂😂😂
rose0000 MrsHoppy
Posted
Yes you are definitely living up to your name 😃 😃
Doodle56 rose0000
Posted
i share your feelings , i amhaving my 2nd thr on the 22nd and am petrified despite the first one going well with no problems .
i just keep worrying that it wont be successful and reliving all the bad parts of the op with great difficulty seeing the positives at the moment .
cant sleep , blood pressure has shot up and i am a wreck !
we can do this !!!!!
rose0000 Doodle56
Posted
Oh thank goodness I am not the only one that feels this way!!!!
Although I am so sorry you are so worried Doodle. What can I say its horrible isn't it.
I am a wreck too, and I feel pathetic so I keep quiet, but then I think it builds up inside.
The waiting is just torture. Feels like the gallows or something. I remember last time was just the same. The wait and fear was worse than the reality in fact!
WE CAN DO THIS AND WE WILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are a few days before me, will you keep me updated?
The day before was the very worst, and the morning of the operation, so come on here if you need some support. We are all behind you.
We will look back at these posts and chuckle I am sure (Hope so anyway!!!!)
yvonne02773 rose0000
Posted
HI Rose,
We're all so very different and I don't think there is any right or wrong way of dealing with anxiety. what works for me, may not for you. i try now to accept my anxieties, telling myself that it's okay to be afraid. It is a major operation and as a mother you will always be worried about your kids. My eldest is now 50, and she's still my little girl! So that's okay. It's not a sign of weakness. i remember snapping at my son when I was stressing about the operation - he asked me what I was worried about and I blasted back that I was about to undergo a major operation and what did he expect! Poor soul only was trying to get me to articulate my fears to help me feel better. We laugh about those fears now, although I'm sure I'll return to panic land when I have to have my second. Best of luck, Rose.
carol61035 rose0000
Posted
Good morning Rose its very sad to hear how this is affecting you. I had my first LHR on the 15th December 2018 so only post 4 weeks. I am due my second one anytime after 3 months (which is scary).
I think irs natural to be feeling anxious because it is a major operation which is like a roller coaster!
Whenever I get anxious I pray (which works for me) I also talk to people who are not relatives or friends because I find it easier.
Please keep thinking of how much relief you have had since having the first operation.
I am praying for you right now X
rose0000 carol61035
Posted
Thank you for your prayers. I feel better for coming back on the forum actually, I am slowly feeling much more positive and less afraid. Having others that are experiencing the same is very comforting.
It is good to get yours done asap. I wish I had done this, I was far more confident about it then, and much more positive. After a few years you almost start again! Your house is set up now, you know what to expect and you won't have the years of worry that I have since endured. I wish I had just got it done ages ago!!