Trying to stop before I lose everything

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hi I'm 26 have a partner with 2 children a good job and a lot going for me but I've bin drinking heavily now for about 6/7 years and my relationship with my partner and family is not great we argue a lot because of a lot of issues my partner has anxiety issues but due to me cheating on her it's along time in the past but although I can't blame solely the drink it was a big contributing factor. and a lot of other things money etc but they all boil back down to drink she struggles to understand why I drink as do I but lately my drinking a changed it used to be steady pub drinking most nights 5 pints of strong cider at least every night and a lot more on weekends but now I just have maybe 1/2 bottles/cans of weaker cider each night but weekends I seem to be making excuses to go out on a Friday night then I'm not coming home until sunday completely drunk/hungover which as u can imagine is not good for myself or my partner but I find most of my hobbies seem to end up back at the pub after we've made a huge step to move 10 miles away from my old local to try and help the issue but I don't think it has!!! I'm sorry if I'm waffling abit but basically I want to cut it out all together as I don't think I'm strong enough to just have 1 drink every now and again any help or advice will be so greatly received thank u

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  • Posted

    Its not being strong enough to have just one drink.  Its being physically able to have just one drink and it doesn't sound like you are physically able to have just one drink.

    ​Its a great thing at 26 you are recognizing the havoc drinking his having on your life. And it sounds like you have to show results and no more talking about it.  Dont tell your g/f you are going to quit again..but make a date for yourself and try your hardest not to drink.  You will probably go thru some withdrawals.

    ​You say you don't have hobbies anymore...but when I read your post I see your hobbies CLEARLY.  Your children can be you new hobbies.  The night you decide to stay home and not go to the pub...spend that extra time to figure out how you can attend to the kids.  This is the perfect time of year for cookie baking...decorating...making decorations...'

    ​If your like me you have no idea what to do with children...but you could use some time as your sobering up the first night or use the computer and look up "simple Christmas crafts for kids" (based on their ages).  I assume young cause your 26.

    ​You also have another can possibly assign a night...just for you and her to go to a local shop (not an expensive one) for a sandwich or something..and then out to another shop to buy a candle or something very inexpensive for the house.

    ​Try to redirect your energy and attention from drinking back to your family.  I'm not preaching to me...I've been struggling with the drink. Its just that although you are are not able right spend time with your have people at home that love and want you around...and you can make this time for them instead of drinking.

    ​I know its not easy..I think I used to drink BECAUSE I HAD KIDS and I didn't know how to handle it.  But, that is why I am asking you if you can try and learn?  So you don't have the same regrets I do.  Be a father they remember and not a father they remember as a drunk (as my kids do - as a mom)

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    • Posted

      Misssy I think you are being too hard on yourself. You've just written an excellent reply to Toby full of positive ideas and thoughts. My kids had to contend with my binges, but they also remember the times when I didn't drink. We can't change the past, yes we mucked up, but we need to move forward and try to put the guilt behind us. I don't mean pretend we were perfect mums and dismiss it, but try to look forward rather than in the past. I've just had my last CBT session and I can now not feel full of guilt and remorse about something I can do nothing about. What I can do is make sure I don't make the same mistakes again.
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  • Posted

    You said you want to cut it out all together is a great idea.When you slowed down for weekdays it accelerated to unacceptable weekends for you and your family. Can I suggest to spend only family time on weekend.They would love it I am sure.Just tell your friends not this weekend, I am with my family. tell them (your friends)maybe next time,so they dont feel defensive about their drinking.Get your wife to plan sunday and you plan saturday. See if you can leave drinking behind.I began drinking heavy on weekends. From there it escalated into the week.especially when I tried to cut back.When I tried to cut back it seemed then at any given time or the most inappropriate time I would go on a bender.My only choice was to stop altogether.There was no going back.I do not miss drinking at all.Life is beautiful not boring,It just unbalances the brain to make you feel everything is boring .
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  • Posted

    It's so good that you recognise how things are and that you want to change. Are there things you can do at weekends as a family to distract you from the booze? Good luck
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  • Posted

    Hi Toby

    I noted that you post started with some nice positives, that may or may not have been a concious decision on your part, but to me it shows you have things you value.

    I like you do not feel I can simply give up the booze, but for me, who is more of a binger I wanted to slow done and avoid the crippling hangovers which effected my work and life in general. I ecided to look at the drug Selincro, although it is early days for me I feel it is working.

    I dont feel qualified to offer any specific advice, but there are people on here who can and will help.

    I wish you well.

    Good Luck

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