trying to understand

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Hi All,

I am trying to understand what my partner is going through! He has just started taking Ranflutin. He is in a bad way, so where he does not want to talk or have any contact with me. He is working, and tells no one about how he feels or feelings. I have read books and reading this forum is great, but I don't know what to do. All he says is that he needs to deal with it himself and is not good to be around. He thinks that all he does is upset everyone.

I really care about him, but don't know what to do! He got in touch with me, as I kept leaving him messages to say that I really care for him......

Can anyone help? smile

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15 Replies

  • Posted

    hiya SAD :cheerup:

    it sounds to me as tho you are doing the right things SAD :ok:

    learn as much as you can about this indiscriminate illness, keep an eye on him to make sure he doesnt deteriorate, the trouble is when we're in deep depression we tend to push others away, even tho inside we want to be comforted :huh: be there to support him, as and when he needs it :wink: he WILL get better but there's no quick fix, it's a long haul i'm afraid :?

    keep posting if we can help at all SAD :mrgreen:

    cheers,

    Ken~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :run: :rainbow: :rose:

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  • Posted

    Thank you so much for your kind words Ken :D

    He has gone off into his world as he calls it via an email saying that he needs some time! Wants to remember our good times, but take each day!

    Do I leave him and make contact next week to give him space? I just sent him a gentle email to say that I loved him and I am not going anywhere........I do feel useless and don't want to hassle him. We don't leave together.

    I have order some books, which I got off this site, so fingers crossed they help me.

    Thanks sad :o

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  • Posted

    hiya SAD :cheerup:

    it's up to you if you leave him or not, is he normally a nice guy that you can see yourself spending quite some time with him :huh: if tha answer is yes, then in the long term try and help, if no, you are better letting him 'get on with it', he won't see the difference at the mo :cry:

    BUT he will still remember later when he's well again and really appreciate the support and love you gave him, trust me, i know these things :mrgreen: :ok:

    cheers,

    Ken~~~~~~~~~~~ :wink: :rainbow: :rose:

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  • Posted

    Thanks again Ken :D

    I suppose I don't know how I should contact him. I don't want to hassle him. How long should you give someone space?? a few days, hours?? I feel like turning up at work next week and seeing him?? He hates the phone, but texts are fine, as he feels he can think about a text, but a phone puts him on a spot. Is this common? Sometimes he is difficult when we meet, but I try and be cheerful around him. :P

    I will stay and support him, as I really love him, I have never felt like this before, so it must be love! :lol:

    Thanks :roll:

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  • Posted

    Hello there sad1

    You got some great advice from Ken!

    Reading your post is making me understand my own situation with my partner - except that I'm the depressed one. I'm living with my partner and he's a great guy but, I feel I just want to be alone. If I dig deep into my heart I know that I do love him. I was worse before the meds because I didn't even know that I loved him until I went on flu!

    I really feel for you and know this must be a difficult time for you. Sometimes we just need a bit of space to sort ourselves out and some of us need a lot of support to get through. I think it's good that you're staying in touch with him to give him support and let him know that you're there. Medicines can have different effects on people and maybe that's whats happening to your partner.

    Is there anyone else that you could confide in and talk to? Somebody that you can see or even speak to?

    Remember, you can always post on this forum and hopefully someone will always be able to advise or support you.

    Take care sweetheart :wink:

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  • Posted

    Thanks for the replies. He has told me that he does want to be left alone!! This is where I just don't understand..........will he come back or is that it?? I feel really upset and don't know what to do. I will keep myself busy, as he is away till the middle of next week. Should I give up....... :cry:
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  • Posted

    Hello Sad,this story sounds so familiar to me,my partner of 9 years behaved exactly the same way as your boyfriend,we didnt live together either.Im on fluoxetine because of the hell he put me through,he was distant,needed space,very moody and bad tempered.I gave him space,tried to support him and be understanding.Turns out he was seeing someone else and left me anyway.Im not suggesting for a second that is what your boyfriend is doing,but you can tie yourself up in knots trying to second guess what he's thinking,you end up being just as miserable because you dont know whats going on.Ive been to hell and back with my situation and id hate to see that happen to someone else,take care of yourself first.
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  • Posted

    Hi SAD,

    Its really lovely to read that you love him so much and want to help him. I've been distant for the last few months, been feeling really down and been taking it out on my boyfriend. Subsequently he's got fed up because he doesn't understand and its bringing him down.

    I really didn't want to admit that i needed help but the fact i've lost him made me realise that i can't continue on the way i've been going, i love him to bits and i just wish he would have tried to understand the way you're doing. When i have my bad turns its not me, its someone else who takes over and i just need help and love and i know i'll feel better.

    Keep doing what you've been doing, let him know you're there for him cause that is what he needs right now, regardless of how he's behaving. Everything will work out if you do.

    Lex x

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  • Posted

    Hi all,

    Thankyou for your replies.....I have still not heard from him! Been around 6 days..... Do I leave him alone, or should I send him a email??

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  • Posted

    SAD,

    regarding getting in touch with him it seems yr damned if you do and damned if you don't.

    If you do and you get a negative response you will feel lousy but if you don't you will feel bad anyway. So I would send a simple light message asking RUOK. Sometimes, when we are in the dark places in our minds someone reaching out can really help and othertimes it sends us into a downward spiral.

    I have found the support of my hubby invaluable. But when the guys i work with ask if I am OK I could just as easily burst into tears so it is very odd.

    Reach out. At the very least you will know he is alright. Not knowing is the worst thing.

    But above all protect yourself. Be kind to yourself. This damned illness is no one's fault and there is nothing that you or anyone else could have done to prevent it. It just happens. Don't fret yourself into the same position eh?

    Lelly xx

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  • Posted

    Hi all,

    He got in touch, but all he said was that he was alive and dealing with it! Did not need anyhelp. That was it.

    I feel that it is going to be a very long time before he is even going to talk to me? Is this common?

    Your replies are really helping me along with the books that I am reading.

    I am aware that time is the best thing......... sad

    XXX

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  • Posted

    hiya SAD :cheerup:

    it's good news he's been in touch SAD :ok: it's very common to 'push' peeps away with this illness even tho inside we want to be comforted :huh: :? we feel we are a 'waste of space' and worthless and don't want to be a burden on anybody with our troubles, ESPECIALY peeps that are close to us :cry:

    it's just about impossible to explain to folks that haven't experienced depression just how we feel :? we 'forget' how to communicate effectively and can become detatched from the rest of the world, it's almost like being in a bad dream :shock: also on any good days we feel like a fraud, we really are our own worst enemies, strange innit ?? :roll: :?

    keep posting and hang on in there SAD, you're right time WILL take care of it (plus meds etc) but be prepared for a long haul :doh:

    cheers,

    Ken~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :run: :rainbow: :rose:

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  • Posted

    Hi Guys,

    Feeling that I am making a small progress. :o Got a email back saying that I should move on, as it will be for the best! However I feel he does not mean that really! He feels that it is going to be along time getting better, but I have told him that I am going to support him as he is a great bloke! :lol:

    He won't talk to me on the phone, but we are emailing, though I have to send him 10 to get him to reply!!

    Any other ideas welcome though! :roll:

    xxxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Guys,

    Felt that I needed to say, that it has taken this long, but finally my guy is back!! Gosh it has taken along time.............to the point I really had to walk away. But now we are slowly talking and piecing things together. He has changed though..............still distance.

    :lol: A happy me!

    xx

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  • Posted

    sad1

    that is wonerful news :D :D :D :D :D hope you have a very happy life together best of luck

    mum2jord

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