UC 25 year old girl, depressive bf.... what path to take?

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hi All, 

having abit of a desperate moment so thought I would ask on a forum where everyone can understand what stress does to UC. I have had UC for about 10 years now and I am still on 6 tablets a day. I feel fine however in my last colonoscopy my colon still showed signs of inflammation.

Anyhow my bf of 4 years has suffered with mood swings on and off... but this one is a big blow. He is only 28 and seems to be having some mental breakdown. He does plan to seek help.... I dont want to sound selfish but I would like to get some honest opinions. I know in life I may struggle with what I have... and will need to support on someone. This person has always been my mum.... but with someone who is very depressive naturally... im scared that in the end my flare ups will get worse due to be worried about HIM all the time and how can someone help me through what I suffer through when they suffer from something mental?

Any advice would be much appreciated... I do love him and want to be there for him... but at what cost?

Thank you 

Mel 

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    I'm really sorry and you probably won't like my answer but isn't an adult relationship all about supporting each other through illness. Whilst I understand and empathise that UC is debilitating at worst and uncomfortable at best, clinical depression is like a black dog that follows you around. And to be honest if you can possibly consider how his illness will affect you, then possibly you don't love him like you say you do.

    perhaps it may be best if you do separate, perhaps that way he could find someone who would truly give him the support HE deserves

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    • Posted

      Hi bjwwil.

      Thanks for your reply.

      What you are saying is completely right. He does need support too. However people with UC can also succumb to depression during a flare up. I've been through 4 years of helping him whilst he's down, helping him put the piece's back together one by one. Each time normally causes stomach pains on my right side and bloody stools until things settle.

      Whose going to help him if I have a bad flare up and can't get out of bed...

      Will my illness effect him?

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    • Posted

      Hi meltre

      yes I know people wth UC can also suffer with depression. i do have ulcerative colitis, and graves disease with thyroid eye disease for which I have had two bouts of nuclear therapy and two major eye socket surgeries so I do understand debilitating illnesses! However my husband also has lymphodeama, heart failure and is onlife long anti coags after a bilateral pulmonary embolis which scarred his heart and lungs.

      Both of us have depressive periods, however we support each oher and the level of strength varies depending on whos ill and who feels OK, However we would never ever consider putting our own needs above the others and we have been married 26 years years.

      I do hope you can sort out a way forward with your partner, i feel sometimes that though life is hard with him, perhaps it would be harder without

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  • Posted

    Think the last response to you is a bit harsh, self preservation is natural and UC can be more than debilitating, I have had this for 25 years or so, developed colon cancer and other immune system illnesses, and it puts a huge strain on your relationship, as well as your career, and you can also end up with depression. UC is hard on the partner too, and he might not be able to give you the support you need, maybe try a support group and see if this eases the strain on both of you. I'm sure you love your boyfriend, and hopefully you will both get some remission but don't feel guilty if you can't deal with his health and yours, if you are meant to be together you will find a way. I'm no expert on mental health but it sounds like he's in a bad way and professional help is needed soon. Good Luck
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  • Posted

    Honestly it's difficult with UC you really do have to be a bit selfish the more flares you have the more along the path you are towards surgery.

    I don't think anyone here can give you a definitive answer but I would say take some time away from him if possible, long weekend with mum maybe? And really think about if he is the one. If so then you have to support each other as long as he really is willing to get help. If he isn't then maybe it's time to walk away and concentrate on yourself.

    Does he know how things effect you? If you haven't had a talk with him about it he may not know.

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