Understanding Husband's Depression

Edited , 4 users are following.

I just wanted to post something to help / support all of the patients and partners out there.

My husband turned to anti depressants around 2 years ago, he started on citalopram.

To say it changed him was an understatement, he became completely withdrawn from me, would not talk, spent evening after evening on his phone, messaging other people, taking him further away from me, he was suddenly out every weekend until all hours, and he stopped talking to his parents who he had been previously really close to.

after 14 years together i lost my best friend, soulmate and partner.

I finally got him to talk when i said i was moving into the spare room, he said our marriage was in big trouble, had been for a couple of years apparently and that we had no future - wow, i felt like i had been hit by a bus.

He moved out around 6 months after he started the meds.

We have an 11 year old daughter who was my rock, and who blamed herself for what happened, our relationship is solid now as a result.

He came off the meds and eventually went on something else, i dont know what, but he couldn't let go and spent the next 12 months messaging me daily, he realised what he had lost and wanted to come back.

I said he needed to sort his head out as i could not put my daughter or myself through such heartache again.

After 18 months away, he is now on Mirtazapine, and he moved back in, i thought he was better and back to his old self.

I wish i could say that it was a happy ending, but i feel like history is repeating itself.

He has again become withdrawn from me, stopped talking, though cant go out because of Covid19 and spends his time on his phone again, and his moods are very up and down.

I don't know what the future holds for us, i am trying to cut him some slack, i know he is not well.

But for my own well being and that of my daughter, this forever changed man is not the person i met and fell in love with all of those years ago and i have to think of my own happiness.

So, if you are the patient, read this and think about how your partner could be suffering too, and if you are the partner, know that you are not to blame, and you are not alone.

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  • Posted

    hi i understand this is your story and reality. but its likely not the meds is tje reason for his behaviour. its the underlying mental health issue. anti depressants cant change your personality. ssri's and other antidepressants increase serotonin. they dont alter personalties.

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    • Edited

      That is not true. There are plenty of stories of antidepressants dramatically changing peoples' personalities, even to the point of murder and suicide. I've seen exactly this scenario Allison described by spouses who came to the withdrawal support forums. There's a black box warning regarding the suicide potential but these drugs are actually neurotoxins and can create all kinds of unintended side effects. If it was just the depression, then these behavior changes would have taken place before the meds were ever started. They create indifference in many. I, myself, experienced a milder version of this, a detachment and inability to feel deeply towards loved ones. The patient seemingly is unaware of the changes as a consequence of the medication.

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    • Posted

      actually from personal experience they can! also alot of stories online about it, dont mean it effects everyone the same way, but i was a horrible person until i got to low dose and my personality came back!

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    • Posted

      I have other friends who are also antidepressants, so this is not my only experience of knowing how people are affected by them and the mental health issues behind them.

      In this instance the medication is numbing all emotional feelings, again.. I know they will come back if he stops taking them, but from experience last time around, there is no talking to him when he is in this frame of mind, its like he is under a spell.

      I'm not trying to criticize anything or anyone, just sharing a personal situation, if it helps to save somebody else's relationship then i have achieved my goal.

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