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I'm a 17 year old girl that, back in late 2014, was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder. I think it was pretty severe considering the physical symptoms (i.e severe dizziness, digestive problems, tunnel vision, feeling faint trembling, feeling unable to walk, along with multiple panic attacks a day, forgetfulness...) and the mental symptoms (fears of dying, sadness, feeling like I couldn't go on, even agoraphobia for a couple months). Before I knew too much about anxiety, I went to the hospital thinking there might have been some physical cause, but they said I was fine. Then I was sent to a psychiatrist who then sent to me a psychologist, who I'm still seeing regularly to this day. However, I was never diagnosed with depression. I also was never prescribed anything, but do you think I should have? Was a situation like this severe enough to be prescribed Xanax or Valium?
Along with this anxiety, I've had other symptoms I haven't really told anyone about in fear, but I think about them every day as I can't see what they could be linked to, as they are not linked to anxiety disorders (that I know of). The symptoms I'm talking about are psychological, being:
-Not exactly auditory hallucinations, I didn't confuse them for real life voices, but it would be like an internal voice in my mind telling me terrible things. Thoughts like "you want to die, you want it" "you want your family to die", things along that line. And I thought that if I thought these things, they'd actually come true. I got to a point where it'd sometimes interfere with me sleeping, and I'd say outloud "Stop telling me these things, I don't want this!". These would happen on occasion, definitely not an everyday occurance and mainly at night in bed. I don't get them anymore.
-Suspicion of family members. I got to a point with my mental health that for no reason at all, I started being suspicious of family members on a severe scale. I had convinced myself that someone did something to me as a child, but I just don't remember it. Looking back, I realise how bad that was, and I feel crazy for even having those thoughts and I feel bad on how I could put that on my family members, knowing how awful they would feel if they ever found out that I thought that about them.
-Wreckless thoughts, such as wanting to try hard drugs like heroin or cocaine if I ever got the chance.
-Not exactly suicidal thoughts. I know I didn't want to die, but I would wish for things deep down like "I hope I get into a car accident so I end up in hospital".
-Constantly thinking about death, and dying young, and how I could be dead in 6 months because there's no guarantee in life.
Things I need to stress:
-I'm not or ever was depressed (that I know of, I dunno, I just wasn't diagnosed and when taking the psychological avaluation, it didn't come up)
-I don't want to die
-I never self harmed, although there was been a few moments of anger I've had over this past year where I wanted to hurt myself to feel relief but I didn't do anything.
-The only medication I was taking is a herbal sedative that didn't do hardly anything, and dizziness tablets that I stopped taking after a month.
Thank you so much for your help!
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