Unending anxiety

So I'm reading through the forum and the variety of peoples experiences and wanted to ask a question if anyone can relate to my situation. I have complex ptsd and my anxiety is constant. It is just there like breathing or heartbeat, a part of me no matter what I do or where I go, even when I sleep. And this has lasted for 15 years and is ongoing, a chronic uninterrupted ceaseless attack on my solar plexus where I feel pain when anxiety comes up. This of course is degenerating my brain neurons and I believe I am developing dementia in my 34 years of age. I'm honestly pretty bitter and frustrated that in all my life i haven't found anyone that could identify with this. My anxiety isn't conscious, I don't even know what I am afraid of. I don't think about it, its just in the back of my mind like a automatic biochemical process. Some kind of terror happens and overwhelms me and I feel pain in the solar plexus. My life story is pretty unique and I have had a very specific set of circumstances that evoked this phenomenon. Namely I was born disabled with my arms and legs contracted like a fetus and had to endure a 12-year painful exercise program with my parents. It was a routine we did every day which we all thought would be for my ultimate well being and I am now functional with my body. I can walk and run and swim, my arms are bent half way, we couldn't stretch them completely as it was extremely difficult and arduous. Unfortunately, nobody at that time considered the mental disorders that could happen because of those physical therapies that obviously deeply traumatized me. I will never understand how they managed to straighten my legs in one year and took another 12 to do my arms half way. Something is fishy there. The cognitive decline symptoms are affecting mostly my verbal skills for now and it’s getting worse each day. I find it more and more difficult to communicate with people and am generally much less intelligent than I used to be. Regards

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