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This is my first post but I have been reading these pages for a couple of weeks now. I have to say I enjoy reading what everyone says and you all support each other very well.
I have been taken our friend flu for about 10 - 11 weeks now and until very recently I kinda felt that things were starting to improve for me. But over the last 7 - 10 days I have started to notice that some of my old feelings are starting to creep back into my head and they are starting to get me down. Big style!!!
I am a 30 something male and I held off for as long as possible before finally starting to open up about my problems. I think I felt that if no one knew what was really going inside my head things would maybe seem alright. Not sure if that makes any sense though!! To my family and friends I am seen to be the funny guy that everyone likes being around. But I always knew that behind the mask it was all so different for me. Underneath I have been hiding the truth for years. I always was embarrassed about how I felt and this is why I couldnt speak about it.
But last year something finally snapped and I couldn't keep the lid on the bottle any more. Feelings that I thought were buried away started to reappear and I just couldn't cope.
I needed to ask for help.
Finally I spoke to my gp and after a few meetings they decided to let me try 20mg flu and also an online cbt program called beating the blues.
As I said earlier I thought that the flu was making a difference for me but I know that I have started to unravel slightly over the last few days.
Like others I feel that I need to cry but I dont seem to be able to do it. I know that I am starting to bottle things up again and I know that some dark thoughts have reappeared for me.
To people that know me and know that I am taking the flu all seem to think that I seem back to my old self but inside I know I am feeling worse again.
Not sure why I am writing this but I hope you can understand.
I just feel the need to tell someone.
Thanks for reading.
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