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Unstable for first time in years

Posted , 3 users are following.

Lizzie46881
Lizzie46881

Hi there

I have moderately high blood presure, for which I take amlopidene and which I get on well with, my BP being down to an average of 140/75, which I think isn't too bad for my age of 58.  My gp however still wants it lower and three weeks ago gave me a med called lisinopril, to which I had a dreadful reaction.  It started with feeling light headed and faint and like I was just going to die, then I came out in a rash, so after a few days after having spoken to another of the gp's in my surgery I came off it.  Trouble is it seems to have destabilised me menataly and I'm in trouble again.

Soon after coming off the lisinopril I went hypomanic and started another internet spending spree, then now I'm going down again and feeling very anxious and on the edge of depression.  I've got to wait in for all the things I ordered which is amking life difficult, then I'm expected to attend a friend's funeral and I HATE funerals, and lots of little things are winding me up like the look on his face and pointing finger on Jamie Vardy's face when he got angry at the ref in Leicester's last match which reminded me of the mental abuse I used to get from my dad, he used to point, stab his finger, get angry with me.

I can feel myself spiralling down and I'm scared.  Seeing my own gp on Friday so will discuss it with her, not that I imagine there is much she can do, I'm already doing as much walking as I can fit in around waiting for parcels, my diet is good and I've added the diazepam back into my med cocktail having previously got off it, so feel a fail;ure for that.

I'm just venting really, need to talk, live with my mum who is in her 90s and who doesn't even begin to understand my mental health issues, I love her dearly as does she me, but its all beyond her and I have to hide my problems from her as it upsets her.

Sorry to go on

Lizzie

1 like, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • joanne19156
    joanne19156 Lizzie46881

    Posted

    Hi there lizzie have you got support and someone to talk to relate samaritans are here to listen not judge I have often talked to them in the past has I can talk to my own gp
    • Lizzie46881
      Lizzie46881 joanne19156

      Posted

      Hi Joanne

      I don't have a lot of support any more, I used to have but the friend who used to be my rock turned against me back in 2010 and I still don't really know why, she had been brilliant before that visiting me the local psychiatric unit every day I was in there but soemthing went wrong between me and her daughter and they all turned against me. 

      Anyhow, that was ages ago as I've stable for a long time and have moved into a village in the countryside.  Unfortunately there aren't many people there I can really open up to as they are all friends of my mum's and as I'm her carer and am trying to protect her from my menatl health issues its a bit difficult.  I do have one friend however who I can trust and have emailed her earlier on and am seeing her this evening.

      I have used the Samaritans before, both by phone and email, but phone is now impossible as mum is with me most of the time, email isn't really very good with them as they only tend to reply once a day and then the mails are short and questioning.  To be honest I've never found them very helpful as they are so non-judgemental as to not recomend anything.

      My gp however is brilliant and I'm going to talk to her on Friday.

      I also have a few people on FB who I can trust to support me, old school pals and such like, so I'm not totally alone.

      All the best to you too

      Lizzie

  • carmelina52473
    carmelina52473 Lizzie46881

    Posted

    Hi Lizzie, so sorry to  hear of your troubles and recent instability.  It seems you are managing your meds.regime quite well considering you have had to introduce new ones.  I think you are doing extremely well and you should not feel a failure for introducting diazepam back into your med cocktail, on the contrary I think you show alot of insite into your condition and doing the right thing to stabilize your condition.  You also seem to recognise that you are spiralling into depression.  You are doing all the right things and if you have been over spending, surely you can send items back to avoid getting into debt.

    I sympathise with your situation and think that you are doing so well, recognising your symptoms is a great benefit to Bi Polar sufferers, so keep up the good work and try to calm yourself with listening to music and eating well.  Good luck.

    • Lizzie46881
      Lizzie46881 carmelina52473

      Posted

      Hi Carmelina

      Thanks so much for your support and kind words, they mean so much to me.  I do try hard to manage my meds well and do what my psych and gp tell me to do, I don't habitually use the diazepam but just occasionally it is a life saver, and anyway and my gp recognises that (I wish everyone could have a gp as good as mine), also it works better if I don't use it regularly.  My spending isn't a problem per se as the things I've been buying are well within my financial means, even at my worst I never got i nto debt, but the WAY I SPEND is symptomatic of hypomania, its the obsessisve compulsive ness of it all, the having to justy buy buy buy.  I've been blessed by having a mother who has given me £000's and having a decent pension, but I don't want to just blow those blessings.  Luckily I've been spared the intrusive thoughts this time, the hypomania was mild by soem times in my life but it always triggers a low which is the killer.

      Right now I'm doing what you suggested, just had a healthy lunch and am listening to the Strauss waltzes such as the Blue Danube etc

      Thanks again

      Lizzie

      sorry for any mixed up text and typos but hoipe you'll get my thread

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