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This is only my second post, so sorry if I ramble on a bit....
Followed these boards since I started on Mirt in March, and I have to say they are such a help, especially in those moments when you feel that you're the only person in the world going through experiencing the crazy ups and downs of depression and panic!
I just wanted to get some opinions/advice as to where I should go from where I'm at, at the mo --- I was put on Mirt following detox from a serious long-term alcohol dependance (really a \"self-medication\" attempt, to deal with depression and anxiety/panic) After a few weeks on 15mg, my PA's did start to diminish in frequency (during and after detox, I was having 2 to 3 daily) - I was briefly put up to 30mg, but had to come back down after getting unpleasant side-effects (feeling \"on-edge\" all the time, restless legs, etc)
So I've been sticking to my 15mg every day, and while I do feel they have helped greatly with the panic (I can go 2 weeks sometimes without a PA) I'm not sure they're really doing anything for the depression --- I still wake up some mornings with barely the energy to get out of bed, and still entertain morbid/suicidal thoughts. My doc did suggest adding in Citalopram, or something similar, but I am against this, as I really dont want to put more drugs into my system. In fact, this is the reason I'm posting --- while the Mirt is, I think, helping my PA's, I do feel kinda \"drugged up\" --- feel very disconnected from my surroundings a lot of the time, and everything just feels \"dulled-down\", or like life has had the colour sucked out of it.
Now, as 15mg isn't really an effective anti-depressant dose (so I've been told) -- I'm starting to think that I want the drug out of my system - to try and stand on my own two feet, as it were. Trouble is, I have terrible health paranoia - (the usual worrying about your heart, etc) and every little odd sensation in my body tends to freak me out. I forgot my dose last night, and I'm feeling pretty edgy and anxious at the moment -- (little bursts of palpitations, etc) although I'm not sure if this is more in my head than anything --- could this be signs of withdrawal already, with only one missed dose?
Ok, so I guess my main question is --- in your opinion(s) -- would it be a horribly bad idea for me to try and taper myself off the Mirt? I'd like to hear from anyone who has done this themselves (it was sort of suggested in passing by my doc that I could try it, if I felt I wanted to, by taking my dose for 2 nights, then skipping a night - but at the time he didnt think I was really ready.) I would really like to be able to experience life without some kind of drug in my sytem (be it Mirt, alcohol, or anything else), but at the same time, I'm scared to death of my anxiety and panic coming back full force (it left me virtually unable to leave the house). I just feel like life is passing me by (haven't been working since Dec) - but not sure if I'm ready to actually face it on my own.
Sorry for the massively long post, and thanks in advance for your responses.
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