Unsure where to go from here....

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Hi all,

This is only my second post, so sorry if I ramble on a bit....

Followed these boards since I started on Mirt in March, and I have to say they are such a help, especially in those moments when you feel that you're the only person in the world going through experiencing the crazy ups and downs of depression and panic!

I just wanted to get some opinions/advice as to where I should go from where I'm at, at the mo --- I was put on Mirt following detox from a serious long-term alcohol dependance (really a \"self-medication\" attempt, to deal with depression and anxiety/panic) After a few weeks on 15mg, my PA's did start to diminish in frequency (during and after detox, I was having 2 to 3 daily) - I was briefly put up to 30mg, but had to come back down after getting unpleasant side-effects (feeling \"on-edge\" all the time, restless legs, etc)

So I've been sticking to my 15mg every day, and while I do feel they have helped greatly with the panic (I can go 2 weeks sometimes without a PA) I'm not sure they're really doing anything for the depression --- I still wake up some mornings with barely the energy to get out of bed, and still entertain morbid/suicidal thoughts. My doc did suggest adding in Citalopram, or something similar, but I am against this, as I really dont want to put more drugs into my system. In fact, this is the reason I'm posting --- while the Mirt is, I think, helping my PA's, I do feel kinda \"drugged up\" --- feel very disconnected from my surroundings a lot of the time, and everything just feels \"dulled-down\", or like life has had the colour sucked out of it.

Now, as 15mg isn't really an effective anti-depressant dose (so I've been told) -- I'm starting to think that I want the drug out of my system - to try and stand on my own two feet, as it were. Trouble is, I have terrible health paranoia - (the usual worrying about your heart, etc) and every little odd sensation in my body tends to freak me out. I forgot my dose last night, and I'm feeling pretty edgy and anxious at the moment -- (little bursts of palpitations, etc) although I'm not sure if this is more in my head than anything --- could this be signs of withdrawal already, with only one missed dose?

Ok, so I guess my main question is --- in your opinion(s) -- would it be a horribly bad idea for me to try and taper myself off the Mirt? I'd like to hear from anyone who has done this themselves (it was sort of suggested in passing by my doc that I could try it, if I felt I wanted to, by taking my dose for 2 nights, then skipping a night - but at the time he didnt think I was really ready.) I would really like to be able to experience life without some kind of drug in my sytem (be it Mirt, alcohol, or anything else), but at the same time, I'm scared to death of my anxiety and panic coming back full force (it left me virtually unable to leave the house). I just feel like life is passing me by (haven't been working since Dec) - but not sure if I'm ready to actually face it on my own.

Sorry for the massively long post, and thanks in advance for your responses.

Richard

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Dear Richard it seems like you have lots of issues going on. I'll try to add my experiences to some of them. Firstly please do not try to reduce your mirtazapine without your doctors support and supervision. Your panic and anxiety may well increase whilst that is going on. I have no experience of citalopram but there might be another anti depressant that would suit you better. You might also need some valium or propanolol to ease the transition. These anti depressant drugs are not supposed to be addictive but in my opinion and experience they are hard to withdraw from. I agree that life might lack colour and you might be feeling numb whilst taking mirtazapine. This could be the mirtazapine or symptoms of depression. Tapering is a good idea if your doctor agrees to it. You start by taking 15mg alternate nights for two weeks then reduce to 7.5mg alternate nights for two weeks then stop. There are slower ways. My Psychiatrist has told me just to stop as I had serious withdrawals and had to go back on mirtazapine at 30mg. It wont be easy and you'll need support. I wish you well Pooh.
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  • Posted

    I'm not suggesting that you go cold turkey. My Psychiatrist in his great wisdom must have his reasons for suggesting this.
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  • Posted

    I was on 15mg for 3 month and was then put on paroxetine, psych told me to take paroxetine for 2 weeks then just stop mirt and I also had terrible withdrawels, I am now halfing the 15mg for 2weeks and then to see if I can just stop it. I wouldnt recommend cold turkey, I also just want off this drug. A lot of people have benefitted from it, but for me it left me feeling more anxious and numb.

    From

    Danielle

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  • Posted

    Thank you, Pooh and Danielle, for your replies. Well, I def wont try to come off the Mirt myself, but I do think it may be time to book another doc appt and see what my options are.

    I think what started my line of thinking off, was I was standing in Boots the other day, picking up my next 2 months supply, and was just seeing an endless stretch of more two month prescriptions ahead, and being reliant on a drug to get me through the day (a feeling I've had more than enough of, after quite a few years of alcohol dependance). Now, thats maybe not the fairest comparison, as the Mirt does actually help me, whereas the alcohol was making things much worse - but I just have this feeling of frustration, like I'm constantly needing things to change me - why am I so unable to be comfortable within myself. I guess its very hard to see how things are going to change, as I've really spent my whole life with a great sense of unease about myself, and a constant feeling that there's something \"not quite right\" with the world around me. Then when the panic attacks started, a couple of years ago, that just made things so much worse -- I've always been quite an introverted person, and I tend to like to be alone a lot; so when the PA's started, it felt like that was my last refuge destroyed -- I couldnt even find quiet within myself - my body and mind seemed determined to drive me insane!

    I guess I'm just very weary of feeling like this, and just want to find some way to find peace in myself, and start to actually enjoy life, like \"normal\" people seem to be able to.

    Thanks again for your replies -- while I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy, it's good to know that I'm not alone in going through this.

    Richard

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