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Okay I've dealth with Anxiety for the past few years now. The anxiety was just to the point of always thinking something was wrong and always feeling like I was going to pass out. I didn't exactly know what anxiety was when I first got it, actually, I didn't really understand what it was until a few months ago. Too bad it took so long because it would of saved me from numerous trips to the hospital always thinking something was wrong... Anyhow... So i've suffered from anxiety for awhile to the point some days I didn't even want to drive. Always carried water around with me, just for the sake that it would help me when I felt my anxiety coming on. USUALLY OVER NOTHING. I could be sitting at a stop light or just completely relaxed and BOOM! it would hit me like nothing... Anyway now in June I started experiencing the WORST thing ever... when I say worst, I mean worst..... I start experiencing itrusive thoughts. Guns, hurting myself, hurting others, doing crazy things, just thoughts of all these horrible things plus even some i'm ashamed my mind ever even thought about , you name it, i thought it. It was like living in the mind of a horrible person. It got so bad that guns would trigger it. I would be so fearful that someone would be carrying one around and just shoot me. One night one was under my boyfriends stand for safety of the home and since i knew it was there (mind you it's been there for years) my mind and chest started going crazy, it was like something was telling me to get up and get this gun. Scariest thing ever. I was so scard to be alone. I knew I needed help. The next day I called my mom and boyfriend crying... They took me to the hospital where they admitted me for 5 days. It was the scariest thing but i knew i needed the help. I finally started to become relaxed and I started citalopram (celexa) while in there. Long story short, i now see a therapist and a Doctor.. I started on 10mg now i'm on 20mg because out of no where my thoughts started acting up again. Just these grusome thoughts of hurting myself but I know its not what I want. The thought of hanging myself, taking pills, jumping out windows, you name it i thought it. Its the scariest thing i have ever experienced. I'm only 23 and its pretty much rouined my life.. But i won't stop fighting until I feel happy and back to my normal self.... Someone just help me, I feel like I am alone in this.............. I need some more guidance and help on coping with my thoughts
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