Unwanted thoughts

Posted , 3 users are following.

Okay I've dealth with Anxiety for the past few years now. The anxiety was just to the point of always thinking something was wrong and always feeling like I was going to pass out. I didn't exactly know what anxiety was when I first got it, actually, I didn't really understand what it was until a few months ago. Too bad it took so long because it would of saved me from numerous trips to the hospital always thinking something was wrong... Anyhow... So i've suffered from anxiety for awhile to the point some days I didn't even want to drive. Always carried water around with me, just for the sake that it would help me when I felt my anxiety coming on. USUALLY OVER NOTHING. I could be sitting at a stop light or just completely relaxed and BOOM! it would hit me like nothing... Anyway now in June I started experiencing the WORST thing ever... when I say worst, I mean worst..... I start experiencing itrusive thoughts. Guns, hurting myself, hurting others, doing crazy things, just thoughts of all these horrible things plus even some i'm ashamed my mind ever even thought about , you name it, i thought it. It was like living in the mind of a horrible person. It got so bad that guns would trigger it. I would be so fearful that someone would be carrying one around and just shoot me. One night one was under my boyfriends stand for safety of the home and since i knew it was there (mind you it's been there for years) my mind and chest started going crazy, it was like something was telling me to get up and get this gun. Scariest thing ever. I was so scard to be alone. I knew I needed help. The next day I called my mom and boyfriend crying... They took me to the hospital where they admitted me for 5 days. It was the scariest thing but i knew i needed the help. I finally started to become relaxed and I started citalopram (celexa) while in there. Long story short, i now see a therapist and a Doctor.. I started on 10mg now i'm on 20mg because out of no where my thoughts started acting up again. Just these grusome thoughts of hurting myself but I know its not what I want. The thought of hanging myself, taking pills, jumping out windows, you name it i thought it. Its the scariest thing i have ever experienced. I'm only 23 and its pretty much rouined my life.. But i won't stop fighting until I feel happy and back to my normal self.... Someone just help me, I feel like I am alone in this.............. I need some more guidance and help on coping with my thoughts

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Kayla, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Remind yourself that you KNOW you do not want to do these things. It is just your mind trying to trick you. Are you a spiritual person? If so, pray to God to have this stop and tell God that you do not want any part of this. The devil tries to make his mark in our lives, but you need to tell him "go away" "you are not going to do this to me". Yell it out loud and TOTALLY mean it. I hope they let this post stay, as I think it is really important. I am so sorry for you and want to hear how you are doing. Please take care!
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    • Posted

      Kayla hunni I'm just coming out the other side of were your at now I felt totally out of control of my mind,crazy thoughts were controlling me and scared the life out of me,I'm not starting to come back round I know it's scary but with support your meds and your own self will you can control it xxx keep strong and take each day as it comes if you have a blip don't be discouraged anxiety drains not only your mind but your body as well xxx
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    • Posted

      I wouldn't worst it on my worst enemy but, I'm glad I'm not the only one who went through it. Thank you, and I wish you the best. How long did it take for you to finally get out of it?

       

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    • Posted

      I'm not fully there yet but the intrusive thoughts have stopped I was crazy minded for about 5 days straight it was so crippling I couldn't settle I felt like my body was curling in on itself and I was so anxious,paranoid and frightened my husband spent hours sat with me while I begged him to let me die,it was horrible but it's not forever I'm starting to feel better about myself now it's just stress builds and our bodies sometimes want to take a time out,now if I start to panic I challenge it and say ok so your making me feel hot shakey scared and crap but it's not going to last so I breath it out

      Anxiety is a vicious circle but talking helps loads even to just reassure you so if you need an ear I'm here to help if I can luv xxx

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    • Posted

      Wow, yeah this has been going on since end of June/July. I get them on and off or I have times (like now) were it lasts a week.When I started the 10mg I was doing awesome well better than a week prior. Then I had a down fall, Which is why I just had my meds upped to 20 mg. So hopefully i'll feel some sort of relief soon. I do believe it is a lot of stress built up, I don't do well with stress. Nor can I make myself even cry...

      Thats a good Idea, to challenge the panic attacks....

      Thank you! I truly appreciate it

       

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    • Posted

      Anytime I can help,iv fought depression and anxiety for over 20 years it can become to much at times but a lot depends on how u get support and the right medication,I'm so lucky my husband is my rock and understands me,honestly take it day by day and you'll start to feel more like yourself 😊 just always remind yourself your not alone and there is always someone that can help xx
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