ups and downs

Hi Moxer,

I was on 40 mg for about 3 weeks when I found I had the same problem regarding inability to ejaculate. This side effect is common but was not mentioned to me until I asked the doctor about it, after the event. It may not be permanent, but it can be. For this reason alone I have cut down my dosage by 3 tablets per week, until I see my doctor in May and get off the3m completely over a period he will accept. And I understand about feeling hungry but can't eat. I've also been through the up/down cycle.

I think we need as individuals to ask ourselves whether we are ready to demand more from our medical advisors. If you had persistent headaches at some point you would ask why paracetamol wasn't working, and keep asking until you establish the cause (Need new glasses, get away from the gas vent near your office, fix the tumour if there is one ...). I wonder why it is that we who are affected by depression seem reluctant to discuss it with our friends and even family, but are comfortable with the anonymity of this forum. I suspect it is because we are marginalised by the broader community who don't understand and don't want to understand.

Jimi Hendrix suffered from depression. So did so many other people in public life that it seems commonplace. Unfortunately most of us hope to hold it at bay by ingesting some magic pill, but I have found the side effects worse than the condition. I have suffered from depression for 42 years, have put up with it in silence and buried myself in work until 3 years ago when I broke my knee, lost my work, was unemployed for 15 months, my 32 year marriage ended, and I was unlawfully denied access to my (now) 10 year old daughter. So I tried Efexor which had horrendous side effects for me, then Citalopram which has less side effects but worse ones, such as sexual dysfunction which is not what you want if you are already depressed. The turning point for me was when my ex did one more thing on top of all the rest and I thought, \"The hell with it. I have a solicitor to handle that, I'm doing the best I can and one day soon the Court will award me sole custody of my little girl. Now. What are my strengths that I can use to get me back.\" And I wrote the few strengths down that I felt I had, and I didn't feel so despondent.

I work with a fantastic team of people who keep me wanting to come back to work, even though I have some other health issues which I'm getting through. So the hour is darkest before the dawn. The day my ex threw her latest demands on the table, (she wants 100% of the assets and 80% of my income) I felt like I'd been hit in the stomach with a hammer, but then I thought, well, now this is the beginning of the end, because she has finally committed herself to arguing about something instead of the delaying tactics which have kept my daughter and me apart every day for 13 months.

So don't forget that you have a life to live, and when you feel down it's hard to think clearly, but if you are prepared to really think hard about who you are and what your strengths are, and what you like to do and whether you can earn a living doing it, you may find that the long road back is that road off to you right which is signposted \"This way to the better, stronger me.\"

Good luck Moxer. If you feel strong enough seek help from your doctor to get off these insidious chemicals and take the time to understand the bloke in the mirror.

Hi Moxer and Breezman. I feel absolutley exhausted today. I dont feel like Ive slept for years. ([b:1b05c9a088]Breezman, i still cant find my specs, not good, In a panic and already been to the toilet 4 times) Dont you think this is a ridiculous state to get into over a little interview? Sorry, ill PM you this afternonn and let you know whats happened.

Moxer, i am on a smaller doseage than you, but yes, really upbeat and dancing with joy, and then gutted and lowand feel like you are in somesort of pain - for no real reason. Huh - I want go into detail about the other thing thanks, but no thnak you.

Must go, take care, TT. :roll: [/b:1b05c9a088]

Hi Katy,

Sleep deprivation is very much underrated. The trips to the toilet are just because you're nervous. This interview is your chance to check out what's on offer, as well as the employer's chance to size you up. Good luck, if you feel yourself getting butterflies just stop in your mind and remember you are a superstar mum, a person of value in your community, someone who, given a chance, will earn your keep and respect along with it.

Go get 'em girl!

hi all,im in my 6 week now..up and down like a yo yo.Anyway just wanted to tell all about a cd my mum got me.she got it from wyvale gerden center..Strange i know. :roll: Its called sleep deeply,its scientifically designed to relax you to help you sleep.I bought a cd walkman and now i get ready for bed and snuggle under my covers,put the cd on and it really chills you out,for the last 2 nights ive fallen asleep on track 2!!Its so relaxing..its lovely.worth a try for anyone whos having trouble sleeping..

hope the interview goes ok katy..

kim.xxx

Tiny Tears - good luck with the interview Katy.

Let the diamond that you know is the real you shine bright.

Best regards.

:shock: :roll: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: Oh god, does anyone want to do this interview for me. I am loosing it!!!! Pleeeeaassee . all you have to do is pretend to be me, and :lol: :D Oh No!

Thank you everyone, Breezman, Kimoli, Stiltman.......but Ive been here before, I so hope I come back with good news........Oh pls let there be some good news!!!!

But thank you!!!

Absolutely shattered and a bit :shock: I got the job! :D Was feeling hyper. Big WAS, as rang mum to tell her, and she had had a hospital appointment while I was at my interview, Here we go....shes to go back for more surgery. :cry:

So I was wey hey, sky high, and now I am constantly worrying, have I made the right decision by taking the job?

I am also worried that I want be able to cope with it, though I am feeling determined, but anxious! There you have a day, in my life.

Breezman, Kimoli and Stiltman thank you for your support today. You are all such sound people. take care...ill try and level out my :D :shock: :cry: now...maybe some sleep will do it!

TT - Katy, Congratulations on getting the job. Well done you!!

Of course you're worried about your mum and whether you've made the right choice in taking the job but whatever you finally decide, remember:

[b:16e0743b46]You've proved to yourself you can do it in an interview situation.

You have skills and qualities that an employer wants![/b:16e0743b46]

Hold on to the positives, they are steps on the journey out of depression.

Have a great weekend.

Best regards.

Well done Katy - I knew you could do it :D

So much for my return to work interview yesterday :shock: went to doctors today to get my return to work certificate only to be told by him that it is way too early for me to be going back work :roll:

I'm now on beta blockers 10mg 3 times a day plus my sleeping tablets and another nag off him asking me to reconsider trying a different anti depressant :oops:

I've only taken 1 beta blocker so far and already feeling much calmer and relaxed. Anxiety almost zilch. I was even able to sit and listen to daughter prattling on about nothing - normally I would start feeling all agitated and having to stop myself from telling her to shut up and leave me alone.

So far so good.

I'm really pleased for you Katy - are you going to accept the offer?

Hope your mum is okay and had a speedy recovery from her operation.

Love

Melbi xxx

Thanks Stiltman, Ill keep your wise words at the back of my head when I start on Monday.

Melbi, thank you too - yes, i dont know if I am going to cope, but hey, Ill give it my best,

melbi, I cant access the chat room.

After the interview I collected my girls from a friends house who helped me out today big time! Got them home, watched or rather tried to watch a film with them but my head was splitting in 2, then I slept and slept, then woke up and had dreadful pains in my tummy, (think it was just my nerves from earlier) Feeling better now, thank goodness.

Melbi, do we replace www. with beta- is this right?

Take care all you good understanding souls, hopefully we will all get something out of our existences somewhere along the line. melbi- are you going back to work on Monday?

hey, sorry Moxer, we all got a bit side tracked. Do you grind your teeth together when the hurtful thoughts hit you inside? I know I do. I am up and down like a yo yo, but my ups last short, my lows just seem to take over. I am on 30mgs, I dont want more, as i can sleep 4 or 5 hrs now per night, then have a rest later in the day. When I first started I was hyper, then sleeping 20 nmins per nght, then when I hit low, I wass extremely, well between you and I DEPRESSED and wondering how to end it all! Hope you are okay, if you still feel like you are totally unstable, go back and see your doctor. my doctor is a good guy, understanding, but you never fully have the time, or circumstances to explain. So maybe write down how you feel, you never know it might help.

I often feel guilty about having asked for help, as I am not rolled up in agomy, like my mother, but I am tormented by many of my unstable insecure thoughts, If you think things are not working for you properly, or how you think life should be without stressors, just asj, Afterall these people have it easy, worked hard and still do mind you, but half the time people see their gp abuot skin rashes, eye sores or the other extreme , which is what i would normally do, seek help only if you are about to kark it!

My advice, if you are not happy about yo yoing , then ask. though I am a complete hypocrit, for the last year I have been in and out my Gps surgery and in the end thought, stuff thi, 9after watching a woman resembling pains like my mum) Ill just fix myself! But you should not feel like I , just sk for help. i do think citalopram does make you yo you deliberately, so that when you come off it , you are okat, i am no expert, thats just my feelings on it. i dont really know how to help you. If you are in the least unhappy for no good damn reason , ask your doc. Luv TT.