Ups and downs
Posted , 4 users are following.
I haven't been on here for a while. I hit a real low point after my psychiatrist told me I'd never be a perfect mother and I may as well just settle for 'good enough'. Considering I'd just told her that the school could tell when I was low because my boys behaviour and moods reflect my low mood. Every time I blip, I get called into school regarding their poor behaviour which then makes me feel worse. I hardly consider this good enough. She then told me she wanted me to see my GP to start taking lamictal and that she didn't need to see me again. Luckily a new GP who is a mental health specialist has recently started at my practice. She has completely ignored that advice and is switching me from duloxetine to fluoxetine and has told me to find a new job as she feels it is the stress of work that is making me ill.
That was a week ago, I have had the absolute week from hell. Won't go into details but I've spent most of it crying and either stress eating or feeling sick from stress. Several things have happened this week that previously would have sent me running to the pill bottle. For as long as I can remember suicide has been the solution to every problem. It has always been there at the back of my mind as an option if things get too hard. Luckily I have had a lot of support and it's only been attempted once.
this week, however, that has changed, it hasn't even featured. I've finally come to the realisation that my life does matter, that my children wouldn't be better off without me. I want to fight now. Despite the stress of life and the medication changes this week I had a great week in terms of the depression. I've kept up with the housework, spent loads of quality time with the kids, socialised, spent less time playing pointless games on my iPad and for the first time in months, spent time on my fav hobbies.
i guess the actual point of my post is, will it last? Has anyone else had an epiphany moment where they felt everything was finally ok?
0 likes, 5 replies
hypercat roximl
Posted
No I haven't roximl. Sometimes I think I get a handle on it and cope pretty well but at others think no.
I was interested in your statement about being the perfect mother. No one is perfect and my sister tried to be until she was told she was good enough. She said that was a huge relief. You are not perfect and if you were you wouldn't be human. It's superwomans day off isn't it?
You can only do your best and that all. And after all best is best even if it's crap. Forgive yourself for being imperfect. Trying to be the best you can is all we humans can be at the end of the day. x
elizabeth20203 roximl
Posted
Best wishes.
Elizabeth.
anne240 roximl
Posted
Depression is full of ups and downs. You are doing all the right things whilst you feel so well. Long may it continue. Make the most of it. Well let us hope it will last. Who knows?
roximl
Posted
one thing I've realised recently is that I only get one chance at this and instead of hiding or worrying about what I can't do, I'm just going to focus on enjoying the things I can do.
anne240 roximl
Posted
You have a great outlook on life, focusing on the things you can do. Take care