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I haven't been on here for a while. I hit a real low point after my psychiatrist told me I'd never be a perfect mother and I may as well just settle for 'good enough'. Considering I'd just told her that the school could tell when I was low because my boys behaviour and moods reflect my low mood. Every time I blip, I get called into school regarding their poor behaviour which then makes me feel worse. I hardly consider this good enough. She then told me she wanted me to see my GP to start taking lamictal and that she didn't need to see me again. Luckily a new GP who is a mental health specialist has recently started at my practice. She has completely ignored that advice and is switching me from duloxetine to fluoxetine and has told me to find a new job as she feels it is the stress of work that is making me ill.
That was a week ago, I have had the absolute week from hell. Won't go into details but I've spent most of it crying and either stress eating or feeling sick from stress. Several things have happened this week that previously would have sent me running to the pill bottle. For as long as I can remember suicide has been the solution to every problem. It has always been there at the back of my mind as an option if things get too hard. Luckily I have had a lot of support and it's only been attempted once.
this week, however, that has changed, it hasn't even featured. I've finally come to the realisation that my life does matter, that my children wouldn't be better off without me. I want to fight now. Despite the stress of life and the medication changes this week I had a great week in terms of the depression. I've kept up with the housework, spent loads of quality time with the kids, socialised, spent less time playing pointless games on my iPad and for the first time in months, spent time on my fav hobbies.
i guess the actual point of my post is, will it last? Has anyone else had an epiphany moment where they felt everything was finally ok?
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