Urinate Problem = Dignity Gone

Posted , 5 users are following.

I've reached the end of what I can even cope with anymore. I'll try to keep the story short. I'm a 31 year old male and my life, I thought, was just beginining. Anyway, so it started in may with a UTI, the result most likely the cause of co-codamol dehydrating me. I didn't recognise the symptoms however, as they weren't as severe as I've had previously so I didn't pay much attention, I could still urinate so it didn't bother me that much and it wasn't overly frequent.

I soon developed some slight back pain, and my mom being a nurse, I consulted her who suggested just to keep drinking and drinking. Eventually the pain worsened and the urinating became more difficult, so I got some antibiotics from doctor, nothing special. Unfortunatley due to social circumstances shall we say, I missed 3 days of the course, but had no problems, so finished when I could. 2 days after, it felt as if the UTI returned. I deserved that.

But the doctor didn't want to give me antibiotics again so soon. From June until the start of August, my life has since being ruined. I could uinate, but I'd be left with a constant stinging sensation at the end of my penis which worsened when I stood up and even more so when walking. So I'm left to conclude "why bother leaving the house" Psychologically it was destroying me, this constant pressure, these constant sharp pains. During July, I suffered with an unexpected bout of what i assume was hayfever. Out of desperation for just a second of comfort I started taking psuedoephadrine and antihistamines - and mainly because I was staying with friends, didn't want to complain or admit that I every step I take is tortue. 

After doing some online reading because I got no advice from my doctor apart from "drink two litres of water everyday" - I stopped drinking diet soda, stopped the decongestants and reduced the antihistamines. I've been drinking minium 2 litres everyday for atleast the past two weeks.  

Thankfully, the pain at the end of my penis has now stopped. The pain was like someone sticking a needle in it, slicing across it. 

But this is where I am now, and why I realise I have no dignity, and why I realise I haven't left the house for a week. Standing up to urinate is pretty much impossible. Sitting down is more effective. But today the uncomfortable feeling was so horrible, I tried to go to sleep, after sitting on the toilet for 20 mins continually trying to push. Upon lying down, that uncomfortable feeling returned. I stand up, the feelings gone. I sit down, it's there slightly, I lay down, and its impossible to ignore. 

So I laid in the bath and pushed, and finally I could urinate without straining to the point of making my face turn red. I laid in the bath, urine around me, and I felt like a baby, and I felt any enthusiasm for any life drain from me. I don't want to leave the house anymore, I don't want to see my girlfriend, my friends or my family, I just want to curl into a ball and forget everything.

I've tried to see a urologists but the hospital "hasn't released their appointment" yet. By the time they do "release" these, I'll be back at work. I have no faith they'll be able to help me. I have no energy, and no enthusiasm for anything anymore. I feel like this is all my own fault, I deserve it.

I'm here because I have nowhere else to go. I can't talk to anyone else about this, its disgusting, I feel disgusted, I feel filthy, dirty, vile. I cant stand to be touched.

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  • Posted


    I just wanted to say a few things - you do not deserve this, you weren't to know this would happen to you, you're absolutely not vile.

    I'm a 34 yr old woman and I can empathise with how you feel. I hit menopause at 20, had tummy tuck in January and now have horrid bladder pain. Its the stuff you don't want to go to a doctor for! Apparently I was a ticking time bomb and my tummy tuck surgery didn't help. I too have sat in a bath to ease the bladder pain and just let the pee out. So you aren't the only one, don't feel bad about it in the slightest.

    All I can say to you is that a urologist is who you need to see. You WILL get better, don't despair. Don't shut yourself off from people either - I did, and I wished I hadn't. People around you will want to give support - let them. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

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  • Posted

    I don't know how your medical system works but agree with Clare you have to be seen by a urologist asap.  They have to give you an ultrasound to see what is going on.  Urine infections are so common but cause horrible pain and don't get quickly fixed. They can cause lots of further conditions but don't seem to be taken as seriously as they should.

    I'm sure your girlfriend and mom would be very supportive.   Most females know all about the pain  they cause.     It takes over your life.   Perhaps men don't talk about these sort of things but women usually do with each other.   As soon as cystitis is mentioned every woman who has had it feels sympathy.

    Surely your Doctor should be doing another urine test. 

    I haven't been any help, but I wanted you to know lots of us understand.

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  • Posted

    You've obviously been having a retention issue, and that could be why you're having the pain. I had a couple of retention episodes and the pain was pretty intense.   You also could have pain from urine that's too acidic.  (Get some litmus paper and give it a check.)  Spicy foods, sodas, coffee, citrus fruits, etc. can contribute to that, expecially if you're not drinking enough water.

    Have you tried self catherization to empty your bladder?   If that's the root you pain problem, that could give you a way out of the woods.  Do a websearch for speedicath, or go to a medical supply place.  You could do a self cath 3-4 times a day, empty the bladder and be able to drink plenty of water and feel good..  Not doing something is a risk to your bladder and kidneys, so please try to act on that.   Do a search on [male self catheterization] and do some reading there. (We can't put links up on this site.)  Then go to YouTube and search on the same [male self catherization].  Watch those vides to understand what's going on.  Some are overly complicated.   There are three things to remember. 1) Wash your hands well with soap and water, 2) wash your penis and clean the tip of the penis with alcohol or providone-Iodine.  3) Remove the catheter from the sterile package, do not let it touch anything, pull the penis up at about 45 degrees or more from horizontal, and insert the end of the catheter into the meatus of the penis.  

    Since your mom is a nurse, talk to her about this if you can. Good luck and try to be positive.


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  • Posted

    I really empathise with you, my first urine infection I was exactly the same and wet the bed a few times due to no control over my bladder and the pain was excruciating, you really need to see a urologist or push for more antibiotics, it took me a while to get referred and I was waiting ages for a letter to even make my appointment so I went into the doctors everyday until I got one and I called the hospital up, you need to really persist with it as the NHS is a nightmare, I ended up going private with my urologist in the end. If that hospital is being too slow then try another! Don't give up you will get through this and remember you are not alone thousands including me have been through or are going through the same as you!

    Good luck x

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  • Posted

    Thank you so much everyone for your replies it means a lot to me. I think more than anything it's the psychological impact it's having on me, it feels like its ruining my life. I've got a good relationship with my mom but she's very quick to dismiss things and doesn't listen to me in the same way she would with a patient, rather shes likely to keep telling me "oh these things happen all the time and no one knows why" - which is completely not reassuring.

    I absolutely love my girlfriend to bits but I feel horrible when its particualrly painful, i feel like i cant even hug her without feeling uncomfortable, i find myself sleeping on the floor instead of together just because i cant get comfortable, as for sex, seriously, I just don't want anything I feel so disgusting. I feel absolutely horrible about it, it's ruining my mood, my enthusium. 

    Trust me I've tried all I can with the NHS but because of the fact my urine tests come back normal along with my bloods, and I'm "young" and "male" I honestly think they just don't believe me. They've tested my prostate and said there's no inflammation there. I think there's some nerve damage or something, but searching online about anything is just impossible, so much conflicting information from so many sources. 

    I just can not understand what is happening or why. Thankfully I can sleep! I honestly think that combined with stress, it's making everything worse. I'll be moving in with my girlfriend soon for the first time, it should be like a life milestone thing, instead I feel like I just wanna be left alone until its all over. As for work, I simply can't concentrate, I'm supposed to be doing work from home too, but i've done minimal, the rest of the time I've just been driving myself insane sad

    Sorry everyone, I just feel like my life is ruined sad I was diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder a few years ago too, so you can imagine how much I hate my body even more now sad

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  • Posted

    Unfortunately there is no oher option than to go back to the Doctor.  I spoke to someone who fainted, fell and was taken to hospital and diagnosed with a UTI causing urinary retention.   When a catheter released the urine the pain they had been having for months disappeared.   Seemingly it is very common.

    A kidney stone is another possibility, but you can't fix these things yourself.  It depends where you live as to your experience with the NHS.   I went to the Doctor,got the usual antibiotics and when they didn't work because no infection was showing, I  got a hospital appointment for 3 weeks later and had an ultrasound done.    I can go to any Dr at my surgery, could you ask for a different doctor who might be more understanding.

    I know you won't want to, but please go back to the Doctor and explain to them the way you have on here, that you are in serious pain and need help.

    Diet is another major nightmare.   I guessed my bladder was irritated and sore so changed my diet drastically to the most basic of food.   It took about 5 months and then it stopped hurting and now I can eat mostly what I want.   

    Hope things work out for you quickly.


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