Used A Sex Toy, But Was Painful, Is It Normal?

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi, okay this is a bit embarrassing for me to write but I need some advice.

I'm 30 years old, been single for 6 years, and I haven't had sex in 6 years either. It just never happened. I suffer with depression and severe anxiety so that made things difficult.

Okay, well, last week I decided to buy a dildo, try be modern. Normally I masturbate, theirs no issues there, and to get into more graphic detail well, one finger is okay, it starts to feel a little uncomfortable at 2 but not unbearable.

Now, 2 years ago when I got my routine smear test (or Pap wherever you are). And, well, let's say it was the most horrific experience of my life. The nurse who did it, used the largest one they had, and kept trying to put it in even as I was screaming and eventually bawling crying. I walked out of the surgery, after she used a medium one and eventually had to use a smaller one, I was left shaking it was so horrific. I reported it to my doctor, who apologized I was put through that. That caused me to bleed for a while after that, and I was in so much pain for so long afterwards. (It surprised me because my first smear before that was surprisingly easy, slightly painful but not unbearable).

Anyway, I went back to my actual female doctor who did another smear for me, using the smallest instrument they have for doing the test, it was uncomfortable but not painful, thankfully. 

Anyway, I bought a dildo last week, to try get myself back into getting use to something. But I'm beginning to think theirs something wrong with me down there, because I had used lubrication (it's a rubber dildo? One of those realistic looking ones 5.9 inches and I think an inch width or something). I could only get the tip and a slightly bit more in before it started to hurt and burning sensation. 

I mean, the first time I had sex was 7 years ago, when I was 23, and it hurt like hell, but after that, it was okay, kinda hurt for a little while but it started to feel good (was in a relationship, first love crap lol).

I don't know why this happened, but I wanted to ask if anyone knows why this may be happening? 

I even had a scan last year of my ovaries because of my periods being irregular (I'm not on any contraceptive pills, haven't for years) and the letter I got back just said the scan was indicative of PCOS, which I think my doctors already knew I had.

Anyway, this is upsetting me because by any stretch of the mark I meet someone, I'm terrified this is going to happen and I'll never enjoy penetrative sex and Jesus, don't even want to think about having babies, cause I know that hurts like hell anyway, thanks for everyone around me telling me this, and telling me to get a move on as I'm getting old now and won't be able to have them after a few years. So that pressure too....

So, any advice?

Is the dildo too big to start with? 

Was Rubber a good choice?

Why does it burn and hurt so much?

Is it me?

Is it the anxiety?

I also worry about cancers and stuff like that, so yeah, that plays on my mind too.


1 like, 8 replies

Report / Delete

8 Replies

  • Posted

    My young friend.  Being a man I do not know to much about a women problem.  But I was all ways told a women vagina can handle any size of a male penis.  For your own good so you would not hurt yourself I would go to a Urologist to get some answers.  That would be the best.  You should not be in any pain no matter what size of a penis or a dildo  Good luck  Ken  
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Your experience with the smear test sounds awful no wonder you are scared about restarting having sex.

    There is a small chance you have a medical problem and a gynacological examination would at least rule that out.

    What I want to say though is that there have been acouple of occasions where a new girlfriend of mine has started having sex with me after they have been on a very long dry spell with reagrd to sex. In both cases they were very nervous about the whole thing and "tightened up" so it was a painfull. From their experience I think you are on the right track with regular masturbation. One of them in particular bought a vibrator and used it often. This helped her to associate having something in her vagina with pleasent sensations rathe than pain.

    I would suggest you invest in some different vibrators and dildos of different sizes and designs and just go to it as often as you have the opportunity.  Probabley a bit smaller than the one you have. It wont improve overnight but he more you used them the better it will get.

    Best of luck to you

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thanks for getting back to me. Yeah it's probably a major factor in my anxiety of anything being introduced down there. I was even afraid to use the dildo because I read about toxins and all those things (it's phthalate free PVC so should be okay to use? Only tried it once so far) I'm probably going to be seeing my female doctor soon, so I can be candid with her and explain everything.

      Thanks again!

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    I agree with what everybody said above, but I want to add one more thing about using sex toys. Sex toys are not regulated in the United States and often get some bad contaminants in them which can cause a burning sensation. So the burning you felt may have had nothing at all to do with your vagina but more to do with the toy itself.

    I've seen many cases where dildos made from silicone and or latex had many (very bad and unhealthy) contaminants in them. You can actually do a Google Search and read all about it. The best thing to do with any kind of a flexible type Toy is to do a tongue test before using it on your lady Parts. I know it sounds funny but touch the toy to your tongue and if you get any kind of a burning sensation on your tongue then don't use it anywhere else. On the other hand, after touching it to your tongue for a few seconds, if you do not get a burning sensation then you're probably good to go.

    Start small, be patient, relax, use lots of lube, and see what happens.

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi, yeah, I was just checking about the dildo itself. The one I have is phthalate free PVC and it came with medical lubricant. I washed it before I used it, and put the medical lubricant on before hand as well. (I'm in Ireland so not sure what contaminants may be on it).

      I only used it once today and washed and cleaned it before use to make sure, and I couldn't get all of it in anyway, I'd say 3 inches before I gave up. I think the one I got is too long to start with 5.9, but it was the smaller on the site at cherry I think.

      I'm probably not going to use for a while until I can get my anxiety down, because it will just make it worse and worse, and will probably make an appointment with my female doctor to talk candid about things.

      Tha ks for replying.

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    I felt like I wrote this! The only difference is our age, but I've had the same problem. Using a dildo is so uncomfortable and I don't enjoy it because of that but I don't have any issues with an actual penis. So I thought maybe it was to do with the material? I really don't know and I never thought to investigate further than Google which didn't offer me any answers.

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Sorry for late reply! Yeah, it was my first time using one, and well, I don't know whether it was the dildo but it was uncomfortable, so haven't used it since.

      Plus, I've had period like cramps last couple days (but I'm due my period in 4 days so it could be that, and it could have irritated my inside).

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    I've had some cramping past day or two like period cramps, not sure if it was the dildo I used, or if it's related to my periods arriving in 4 days time.

    I also felt quote breathless when I went out walking today, not sure if it's my anxiety, or anything, but I started panicking about ANAPHYLAXIS Shock, could it be that?

    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up