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Hi, okay this is a bit embarrassing for me to write but I need some advice.
Okay, well, last week I decided to buy a dildo, try be modern. Normally I masturbate, theirs no issues there, and to get into more graphic detail well, one finger is okay, it starts to feel a little uncomfortable at 2 but not unbearable.
Now, 2 years ago when I got my routine smear test (or Pap wherever you are). And, well, let's say it was the most horrific experience of my life. The nurse who did it, used the largest one they had, and kept trying to put it in even as I was screaming and eventually bawling crying. I walked out of the surgery, after she used a medium one and eventually had to use a smaller one, I was left shaking it was so horrific. I reported it to my doctor, who apologized I was put through that. That caused me to bleed for a while after that, and I was in so much pain for so long afterwards. (It surprised me because my first smear before that was surprisingly easy, slightly painful but not unbearable).
Anyway, I went back to my actual female doctor who did another smear for me, using the smallest instrument they have for doing the test, it was uncomfortable but not painful, thankfully.
Anyway, I bought a dildo last week, to try get myself back into getting use to something. But I'm beginning to think theirs something wrong with me down there, because I had used lubrication (it's a rubber dildo? One of those realistic looking ones 5.9 inches and I think an inch width or something). I could only get the tip and a slightly bit more in before it started to hurt and burning sensation.
I mean, the first time I had sex was 7 years ago, when I was 23, and it hurt like hell, but after that, it was okay, kinda hurt for a little while but it started to feel good (was in a relationship, first love crap lol).
I don't know why this happened, but I wanted to ask if anyone knows why this may be happening?
I even had a scan last year of my ovaries because of my periods being irregular (I'm not on any contraceptive pills, haven't for years) and the letter I got back just said the scan was indicative of PCOS, which I think my doctors already knew I had.
Anyway, this is upsetting me because by any stretch of the mark I meet someone, I'm terrified this is going to happen and I'll never enjoy penetrative sex and Jesus, don't even want to think about having babies, cause I know that hurts like hell anyway, thanks for everyone around me telling me this, and telling me to get a move on as I'm getting old now and won't be able to have them after a few years. So that pressure too....
So, any advice?
Is the dildo too big to start with?
Was Rubber a good choice?
Why does it burn and hurt so much?
Is it me?
Is it the anxiety?
I also worry about cancers and stuff like that, so yeah, that plays on my mind too.
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