Using relationships as a crutch for depression.

Posted , 6 users are following.

To cut a long story short it seems that break-ups are my main trigger for bouts of depression. I feel extremely low for moths afterwards and feel completely alone. It's only when I meet somebody new that I start to feel any better.

I thought up until now that it was just normal, that everybody feels unhappy when they're single. But since my most recent (and most devastating) break-up with my boyfriend of two and a half years I'm feeling worse than ever. I have terrible anxiety attacks and feelings of utter hopelessness. I anticipated I'd spend the rest of my life with him but a combination of factors, including my increasing low moods in response to him seeming to become disinterested in me, caused him to end the relationship. I've spoken more openly about my feelings with my parents and they recommended I see a GP. I am now on ADs and they make me feel worse.

I just wanted to reach out and see if anyone else feels like love is the only cure? I'm worried that I'm going to forever sabotage my relationships by being too dependant on my SO, by pressuring them and making them feel responsible for me when I get low. My self esteem isn't entirely based around whether I'm with another person or not but I feel like every boyfriend I have had has run scared because I'm too intense, because they can't cope with the fact they make me happier than anything else. I want to know how to combat this without feeling like I can never show sadness or low mood or panic around the person I love incase it scares them. I want to know how to change my behaviour so that we're both happy. My most recent ex was generally supportive and comforting to me on my bad days for two years but I think he got to the point where my demand on his time frustrated him. I'm getting the medical help avaliable, I've registered for counselling and CBT but I'm really worried that if I meet anyone in the future that I'm going to just throw all my happiness onto them again, let joy from their company trick me into thinking I'm well and then suffer another terrible bout of heartbroken depression when they inevitably can't deal with me anymore.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    No I feel like it too. I think it's just the loneliness. I've just got into a relationship for the first time where I actually care for my partner. I've had two long term ex's who I really didn't like but just didn't want to be alone. It's difficult but be with someone who makes you happy and feel better about yourself, not just to pass time.
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  • Posted

    I feel exactly the same. I get very dependant on others and very motivated to make others happy and forget to make myself happy. I feel as though my current boyfriend is getting bored of me too with all my mood swings. And same as you I'm new to anti depressants and I feel they aren't helping. I'm scared I'm pushing everyone away and makes me feel better knowing it's not just me. I feel crazy lol. I'm too scared to go to counselling.
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  • Posted

    I currently have a similar feeling, my girlfriend broke up with me because of her depression and bot being able to deal with a relationship. It has triggered my own anxiety and depression. The thinga my councillors and friends have reminded me is that it is important to be happy with ones self before you can truly be happy in a relationship. Knowing yourself is just as important as knowing them. I am lucky enough to have 6 weeks off work in the summer so i am going to go travelling for a bit and try to reconnect with myself and remember what makes me hapoy. Instead of my happiness coming from me making others happy. It is hard and it feels wrong and guilty especially when you have depression but you have to look after yourself.

    I hope you are okay, and know that you're not alone.

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  • Posted

    Oh wow, yeah this is exactly what I'm going through like almost exactly. The guy who I was with on/off for ten years, was very abusive in the beginning physically, and maybe at the end emotionally. I don't really know what to do, and I'm afraid I use the abuse as a crutch now. Like I'm always going to be broken.

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  • Posted

    Oh babe your not alone a lot of people find they are stronger with a partner it gives them strength may I ask are you partners normally the same sort of person as in qualities morels etc if so maybe you feel your lacking those qualities or they amplify them in you giving you a greater sense of confidence. When you break up with some ody it is hard you tend to make that person your everything right? My advice to you is to slow things down even when you have a relationship do things for yourself ie hobbies or things you enjoy doing try to remember you were once happy before you got consumed in relationships you just have to figure out what's different in your life now maybe you should instead of seeing any new partners every night etc do things with your friends having alone time in a relationship is as important as having quality time with your partner ya know you not only develop trust but you appreciate the time you have together you make more effort together and things don't go as stale and monotonous thinking of you in your tough time take care

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