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To cut a long story short it seems that break-ups are my main trigger for bouts of depression. I feel extremely low for moths afterwards and feel completely alone. It's only when I meet somebody new that I start to feel any better.
I thought up until now that it was just normal, that everybody feels unhappy when they're single. But since my most recent (and most devastating) break-up with my boyfriend of two and a half years I'm feeling worse than ever. I have terrible anxiety attacks and feelings of utter hopelessness. I anticipated I'd spend the rest of my life with him but a combination of factors, including my increasing low moods in response to him seeming to become disinterested in me, caused him to end the relationship. I've spoken more openly about my feelings with my parents and they recommended I see a GP. I am now on ADs and they make me feel worse.
I just wanted to reach out and see if anyone else feels like love is the only cure? I'm worried that I'm going to forever sabotage my relationships by being too dependant on my SO, by pressuring them and making them feel responsible for me when I get low. My self esteem isn't entirely based around whether I'm with another person or not but I feel like every boyfriend I have had has run scared because I'm too intense, because they can't cope with the fact they make me happier than anything else. I want to know how to combat this without feeling like I can never show sadness or low mood or panic around the person I love incase it scares them. I want to know how to change my behaviour so that we're both happy. My most recent ex was generally supportive and comforting to me on my bad days for two years but I think he got to the point where my demand on his time frustrated him. I'm getting the medical help avaliable, I've registered for counselling and CBT but I'm really worried that if I meet anyone in the future that I'm going to just throw all my happiness onto them again, let joy from their company trick me into thinking I'm well and then suffer another terrible bout of heartbroken depression when they inevitably can't deal with me anymore.
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