Verbal abuse from my relationship.

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This is my first post to this forum. I really need some words of encouragement. My boyfriend hasn't been working for the past month because he says he's mentally unstable. He takes suboxone for his opiate addiction. We were supposed to go to a Dave Matthews band concert tonight but he couldn't afford the tickets but we had been planning on going for months. So he took me to a bad neighborhood to make some quick money and I was having an anxiety attack because I hate being there. I'm not that kind of person, I've never done drugs. I have severe PTSD and anxiety and he told me to shut the hell up because I started having an anxiety attack. He was being incredibly mean. I don't deserve to be treated like this anymore. Not to mention he's punched holes, his dashboard in his car, broken doors, broken cabinets..the list goes on. He has a horrific temper. I'm only 20 years old and was verbally abused as a child my whole life. I worked very hard in school, and even have gone as far to get a full ride scholarship in Miami Florida for volleyball. My career ended when I broke my ankle. I came home and that's when I met my boyfriend. I'm afraid for my future.

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  • Posted

    My advice to you would be to get out of this relationship now. If he's verbally abusing you now, think in a few years what other abuse will it be? especially with a temper.. Mental? Physical? You don't want that for your future. Although it's difficult, the best thing to do would be parting with him. Maybe you could try and talk to him? Let him know he needs anger management and maybe some help from the doctors? Also what do you mean he took you to a neighbourhood to make some money? Did he make you do something? Please be safe, take care. Jodie x
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  • Posted

    Please get out of that relationship! Now would be good because it's only going to get worse. Right now it's verbal but it will go from hitting the walls to hitting you. Sorry but I've been there and it wasn't until he picked up a knife and tried to stab me that I fought back and finally left. It caused so much emotional damage that I'm still working to overcome. He took you to make some quick money? Please stay safe! I can't stress enough how you need to walk away from this relationship. This man does not love you. Love yourself and get out. I am just telling you what I should've done when I was in your shoes. I eventually got the strength and fought back for my life and sanity. You can too! You'll be in my prayers....many hugs
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    • Posted

      Thank you for helping! He's not always like that, ever since his change in medication he's been acting this way for a month. But it still does not justify his behavior at all. It's a tough situation because I'm in nursing school, have no money, and my parents kicked me out ever since I came home from Florida because I didn't finish from the injury. I'm just afraid it will escalate even further because the cops have already been involved, not to mention detectives coming to my house asking me to sign a protection order (brother called this in) and said he was beating me. He has never hit me, but I'm always afraid he will hurt himself. He's already broken his hands. I suggest anger management...? What do you think? Or should I leave? I mean I struggled severely with my anxiety and he was there for me but he goes from 0 to 100. Not to mention he lied to me about a herion overdoes
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  • Posted

    Hey lauren,

    You sound like you've been through a lot in your life. And you sound really brave.

    I think having a nursing certificate, or diploma, or degree, whatever you are working on, could give you financial stability in your future, so I want to encourage you with that. I guess leaving your boyfriend would leave you with rent to pay, and maybe that is why you are reluctant or unwilling to do so. Also, you guys have history together.

    I know that a lot of addicts, like your boyfriend, have actually got a psychiatric disorder that they are coping with by using. Maybe partly that's what drew you together. But it doesn't sound like it's going well right now, and that incident in the bad neighborhood sounds really bad. I'm sure it didn't help your ptsd.

    I guess you have to decide whether you are going to stop living with him and find your own room (you could rent a room in a house, it's a lot cheaper than an apartment). And you have to decide whether you want to keep seeing him.

    And I think (and this is only my opinion, based on very little, so don't listen to it if you don't think it applies), that you have to think about priorities. Going to see a band is not worth putting him and you under that kind of stress.

    It's a lot to handle and you are so young. I wish you the very best, and hope you can find a path that's good for you and makes you happy.

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your advice! That was very helpful. I guess the scary thing for me would be being out on my own completely, going to school, and having a job. The fear of failing is a big contributor to my anxiety. I already had 1 bad semester this past spring which I received a medical withdraw from my trauma counselor. Without the support from my family I never feel like I'm making the right decision, and I've made plenty good decisions. It's about finding my own happiness and not going off of whAt others want from me. My parents are divorced so they are constantly pulling me in different directions, as far as decision making when I was younger and in high school.
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    • Posted

      Oh I hear you! It's taken me a long time to be okay with failure. It is just part of life, it is part of success. I think accepting that you will fail at some things is a real step towards living well. You can shrug and say, okay that didn't work,  what did I learn, how will I choose differently in the future. I am sure you have made plenty of really good decisions. 

      I kinda want to give you a heads up about your mum. If she is near my age (I am fifty one, and this starts in the early forties), she'll be going through menopause, maybe without realizing it. It might make her easily angry. I think I would advise you to keep your distance emotionally, and always have it in the back of your mind when dealing with her. 

      I think you could also regard it as an option to suspend school right now, or from time to time. There is no hurry to graduate, if you can get a job and manage with it. There is no rush. You have plenty of time, and it seems to me you are developing well, with good insight into your conditions, and with a healthy ability to reach out for help. There is all the time in the world. Big hugs. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Lauren.

    I think the best thing I can say is if you don't want to stop the relationship then you need to set boundaries, and one of those boundaries to start with has to be getting out of the same house as him; if not for the near distant future for a break whilst you get your head around things.

    If you don't want to leave after you've had time away from the situation then serious boundaries need to be drawn in what is acceptable and what isn't in your relationship. If nothing else your boyfriend needs to see his GP with the view of seeing a psychiatrist asap. He obviously needs an assessment to see if it is something they can help with, which sounds like it is.

    Be strong though with your decisions - put you first above all!

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  • Posted

    Hi Hun. Very short post but I've been in a relationship for 23 years and have a son who is the reason I take breath every day. I've never had to deal with physical  abuse but let me tell you from one woman to another, verbal and physiological abuse can be worse because it will play with your mind as you probably already know. I'm sure you deserve better. I noticed that at one bit you said " he's not always like that".  I must have said that line hundreds of times. Don't try to sugar coat his bad behaviour my love. I too have done that and it doesn't work. I wish you well my sweets. Xx🤗
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