Very lonely and down since adult son left home

Posted , 6 users are following.

 I am new here and am realizing how very lonely I am since my adult son moved into his own place about two and a half years ago now. He was a very late bloomer and stayed at home with his dad and I until he was 32 yrs old. I know that sounds pretty sad, but he was sort of addicted to video games since dropping out of high school when he was 15. He just sat around the house playing video games and letting us support him. It was quite frustrating and worrisome for his dad and I. Long story short my son finally got fed up with this life and himself and got a job and eventually met a lovely girl. He just seemed to snap out of this self-imposed hermit life he was leading. Thank heavens he is holding down a job and has now married the sweet girl. They are both devoted to each other. I talk to him a few minutes on the phone a couple of times a week but he is busy and naturally wants to spend all his free time with his wife who I love dearly. I am so thankful they have found each other.  But even though he was a slacker we were great company for each other and I am sure I enabled him to be a slacker. We would watch tv together and chat about all sorts of things, especially travel shows and history shows. He has a great sense of humour. My husband is not a talker and so my only company has been my son since he was a little boy.  My husband and I would have split up long ago if we did not have the responsibility of a child. I am sure we should not have married each other because we have nothing in common but we wanted our son to have a mum and dad at home. We get along ok but my husband doesn't talk much and just enjoys watching wrestling on tv. He was a very hands off father. Although my husband loves my son and my son loves him, they don't talk much to each other either because they never developed much of a father/son relationship. I sort of had to be mother and father. I was mainly a stay at home mom and only worked the odd part time job. So my son and I were each other's companions for a long time. Now it is just me and my husband- I am desperately lonely.  All we say to each other is inane comments about the tv show we are watching or offering to make each other a cup of tea. I am not looking forward to spending the rest of my days like this but I have no financial resources of my own. I care for my husband but it is like living with a cat. He is on the sofa but doesn't say a word. I know this is turning into an essay. So let me just end with I have serious Empty Nest Syndrome and it has spiralled into anxiety and depression

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi, would you consider leaving him now? Not acrimoniously but for yourself.  Do something for yourself. Look at what your son has done! You could do that for YOU.

    Everything you have done has come from a good place now it’s your turn.  Good luck with your choice x

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  • Posted

    I think it’s really really hard when your kids move out and suddenly you find they have been your main focus and suddenly you are both on your own alone and start to wonder why you stayed together for so long but you have. Why don’t you take up a hobby or interest of your own and see how that goes.

    my own son is in the Militaryvand it breaks my heart when I see him and then he’s gone again for months but it’s his life and we as Mums just have to cope with that . X x

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  • Posted

    Aw hugs to you. What an amazing mother. You supported your son until he was ready. Of course you miss him. Now is the time to focus on you. You said you liked history is there a museum nearby you could volunteer at? Or maybe get yourself a part time job just to get yourself out of the house. Think about something you use to like to do when you were young. Who knows maybe if you start making some changes in your life your husband might make some in his. 
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  • Posted

    Hello Hug2you. I hear your saddness and your grief. You have done what all good mothers have done. We have let our children go! That's our job to raised them to be independent of us. You have done that I did that and they are grown happy and living productive lives. And get this it only get better from her. Grandkiddos will come and make your world! I felt that empty nest. I like the other suggestions I got involved in things that previously I had put on the back burner. Do you like to travel and if you have girlfriends. Go on trips. Take your husband. Assume he's not interested and if you leave him once. Guess what. He just mind find staying home alone is no fun. Do something to help needy children you are great with children. Look at your son. Find a group of women that play cards. Bridge. Learn to knit..sew, etc. stretch. Glad you wrote in. Diane

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