Very Scared and Confused

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Hi all,

I'm new to this board, and would just like to say how helpful it has been to read everyones posts. I wasnt sure whether it was the tablets or my frame of mind, but the first 5 days i felt i was going crazy, i was petrified and felt terror but i didnt know what of, i was experiencing something called dissacotiation -trying to keep myself in the present and generally so frightened.

Ive been suffering from depression for (from what i thought was) 5 years, and put it down to a trust issue with my ex bf. I got a lot better with the help of a self-confidence self-help book and a bit of therapy, however - i then had a jolt (a missunderstanding) with my new bf about something i thought he'd done - This spiralled me down again but i felt in control but just very depressed.

I then began taking Citalopram about 9days ago, and within about 4 hours I felt panicky to a way I used to (before 5 years ago and b4 my ex hurt me) - I now feel scared that I have always had a problem, and almost feel the last 5 years are something I want to feel back to again!

Im scared i had grown and dealt with some stuff, and now this medicine or my thoughts have taken me back to a time where i used to THINK i was happy, but of course i have realised i was not (unless its the medicine talking). I feel stuck in that mindset now from years ago. I feel like i have morphed back into an old self (one which, whilst feeling this depression for 5years, i so eagerly wished to get back to).

I now feel scared - i don't know if its the citalopram playing tricks with my mind, but i feel all the anxiety i used to feel (which id forgotten about). Whereas when i was depressed - i felt numb...im scared ive undone my work sad

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    i doubt you have undone your work. its more like your brain getting used to the medcine i would give it time to work then im guessing you will feel better
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  • Posted

    Hi sarah-I just want to help you here.

    Right, when I first started this pill, I too felt a dip 9like you!!!) . It went on for a wee while-the good effects WERE NOT IMMEDIATE!!!! iD FIND MYSELF DREMING-THINKING ABOUT PAST EVENTS -WHICH INCIDENTLY HAD HAPPENED AT LEAST 10 YEARS PRIOR. i UNDERSTAND YOUR HURT WITH YOUR EX TO AN EXTETENT -OBVIOUSLY ONLY TO AN EXTENT ANY OUTSIDER CAN!

    I used to forget things. I couldnt find where I had put the milf ( for instance) Id find it in a cupboard. I d find myself trying to climb into cupnoards in the middle of the night-thinking it was the lou-but not to do the lou but to hide.

    Ok, things werent so good, and I aint the most stable on here-but in comparison to then and now, I can say IT TOOK A GOOD 8 WEEKS. i think , at first you do dip-youve not undone what you have managed to fight throw-youve not. Just remeber how hard youve fought and not to give up. Id give it a bit longer. If you still feel low after , say, perhaps 9 weeks speak to your GP. If in that time you see your . doctor tell him /her exactly what it is you feel, and they maybe will be able to balnce your dose for you at this current time-either they may up or lower it. I would recomeend trying at least 4 weeks, though , I must say to you Ive had a hard time remebering when and what time to take the tabs, Just another one of my failings). Pls keep in touch, especially with the professionals. Im certainly far from perfect so do not take these words as a total prescription for total well balanced health, but do try and keep with it. If in 2 weeks you feel utterlyd desperate or if your feeling utterly desperate let your doctor knkow straight away. Im sure they will sort you out with something. a) your doing well to tackle that you have a problem and B) to maybe the facts that this may not be the right one for you. At least you have the mental courage to tackle it- YOU CAN. IF i CAN , YOU CAN pLS, IF YOU FEEL DESPERATE RING YOUR DOCTOR. aT FIRST i THOUGHT i WOULDNT BE BELIEVED, , BUT when I statred to hyperventilate etc the truth was out there-its not an issue to be taken lightly. I for one still have panic attacks, especially if I am tired-its not nice, but look out for you and take some you time. Maybe even try and TRUST YOUR BF again. Are there reasons for you not to? If so, ask yourself what these are, if its rational thinking? Or just a womans intuitive feeling? I could go on-sorry Im wanting to help you-dont know if Iam . Pls, dont be afraid to take the help, Grasp itwhile you can. You sound like you could have a beatiful future ahead as you sound like a very caring understanding person, that obviously doesnt want to hurt anyone, including your bf. I hope Ive helped you and stay in touch . The cobbled road can be a bit too bumpy sometimes! take care of you. try sleeping when ever you can-I think it helps especially on this drug. take care of you and keep in touch! BG

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  • Posted

    Try not to be afraid. You are only in the early stages of treatment and many people experience a worsening of the symptoms before they get better. If you possibly can stick with it for four or six weeks. If you don't see an improvement then go back to your GP. Do the same if the symptoms become intolerable. Keep strong and you will see the benefits. x
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  • Posted

    Hey guys thanks so much for you help..it really does help to have support from people who too have been through it or are going through it.

    Is it normal, or has anyone else experienced, that your mind starts thinking you have all sorts of problems you'd never even thought of before? Ive started thinking things that maybe ive never been okay and have always had a very serious problem?

    Before I was sure it was a severe confidence and self-esteem problem, but now I keep thinking maybe ive got something a lot worse. Is it best to be trusting these thoughts?

    I know that the obvious answer seems its the drugs, but i wasnt sure from other peoples stories whether or not this REALLY is the case or whether im trying to falsely reasure myself.

    Almost feels like my old symtoms arent getting worse, but im getting NEW ideas... sad

    I will stick at them for atleast 6 weeks but I am so frightened right now about these new ideas...

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