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I'm new to this board, and would just like to say how helpful it has been to read everyones posts. I wasnt sure whether it was the tablets or my frame of mind, but the first 5 days i felt i was going crazy, i was petrified and felt terror but i didnt know what of, i was experiencing something called dissacotiation -trying to keep myself in the present and generally so frightened.
Ive been suffering from depression for (from what i thought was) 5 years, and put it down to a trust issue with my ex bf. I got a lot better with the help of a self-confidence self-help book and a bit of therapy, however - i then had a jolt (a missunderstanding) with my new bf about something i thought he'd done - This spiralled me down again but i felt in control but just very depressed.
I then began taking Citalopram about 9days ago, and within about 4 hours I felt panicky to a way I used to (before 5 years ago and b4 my ex hurt me) - I now feel scared that I have always had a problem, and almost feel the last 5 years are something I want to feel back to again!
Im scared i had grown and dealt with some stuff, and now this medicine or my thoughts have taken me back to a time where i used to THINK i was happy, but of course i have realised i was not (unless its the medicine talking). I feel stuck in that mindset now from years ago. I feel like i have morphed back into an old self (one which, whilst feeling this depression for 5years, i so eagerly wished to get back to).
I now feel scared - i don't know if its the citalopram playing tricks with my mind, but i feel all the anxiety i used to feel (which id forgotten about). Whereas when i was depressed - i felt numb...im scared ive undone my work
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