Waking Up

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does anybody ever wake up and feel really depressed ? its the worst feeling. I have this daily. I’m on medication, I talk to a therapist, but I’m just so lonely. I do get out and go to the gym, I talk to people, etc. but my day to day life is alone. When I go home, I am alone and I just don’t like the feeling it’s hard to meet people these days. Anyway, just needed to vent a little. looking for a part-time job but it’s difficult because of the anxiety. It would have to be something pretty low keyed. Everything seems to be retail which I can’t handle. Sorry for rambling on just so frustrated and sad..

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5 Replies

  • Edited

    Hello. I've read your post. I'm a retired health professional and would like to offer comment in reply.

    Although you don't indicate how long you've been under treatment with medication, it's important to note that antidepressants most often reach steady-state plasma levels within four to six weeks with an outside period of eight weeks wherein you should experience considerable improvement. Realize that within the class of antidepressant medications there are many distinct forms that vary in positive results because they use variable metabolic pathways for absorption and efficacy. The response to treatment varies for patients because of the unique design of the medication prescribed. If you are under treatment but do not experience positive change, then it's very important for you to reach out to the prescribing physician to discuss alternatives to determine which specific medication provides the most positive response and efficacy while producing the least side-effect profile.

    While avenues for social exchange have indeed undergone transformation, it is also the intent and targeted expectations by those using such avenues that result in perspectives of success versus difficulty. There are many reasons that individuals find their day-to-day existence to be lonely and without someone particular to share life. Failure in overcoming variable degrees of awkwardness associated with meeting others can obviously prevent forward movement, as well as the overshoot of expectations in transitioning from loneliness and isolation to regular and frequent interaction.

    Indeed, the art of establishing oneself in the realm of a common social existence is not comfortable for some people and to some degree is a combination of hereditary factors and life patterns established at an early age of development. Humans, however, are all very fortunately endowed with the safety net of adaptation. In other words, when we look around us we tend to realize that there is someone for everyone, so to speak.

    Isolation does tend to diminish the ability to meet others, so some degree of exposure is very naturally a requirement to increase one's odds of encountering what is most often unexpected friendship and/or relationship social encounters. Purely by-chance encounters are very frequently the kindling that often results in permanent connections.

    While this is certainly common knowledge, my point here is that you should explore questions regarding why a contradiction of sorts is present in your instance. You do go to the gym as representative of one among many social environments and you do talk to people, but yet your day-to-day existence is one marked by the absence of significant others, either close friends or a partner.

    The workplace is also an excellent resource for social connections and is admittedly absent as well due to anxiety. Does your anxiety interfere with the actual premise of seeking employment or does a work environment constitute significant anxiety? It is quite common to seek employment that suits your personality and low-key exposure is certainly a good way to describe your preference. Is this preference because of reluctance or discomfort in dealing directly with others? Have you explored whether any relevant circumstances are common to your isolation of home life and that associated with your job preference? I inquire because sometimes people erroneously seek out a premise where life feels totally safe wherein significant social exchange is absent and yet find that doing so results in an uncomfortable and even painful outcome. Do you see the conflict at hand here? In other words, targeting an environment within what you believe to be your comfort zone and best prospect very paradoxically results in a painfully lonely existence.

    You might consider seeking part-time employment that offers you some social exposure without expectations of any detrimental effects that are largely irrational as a consequence of the anxiety such a premise might cause. Realize that the absolute worst that could happen is that the job simply doesn't work out for you, but you'll never know whether that consequence is real unless you actually experience it. You might be surprised to learn that such a job imposes absolutely no different techniques of social exchange than those you regularly utilize in talking to others at the gym. Performance anxiety is part of any new job and dissipates rapidly once you become accustomed to the tasks required of you by your employer. In other words, everyone established a comfort zone once they feel competent in the ability to perform all aspects of their job requirements. So try not to relegate yourself to a low-key workplace environment with the knowledge and experience that loneliness or low-key social contact results in a painful detriment to your life.

    It's also critical to ask yourself whether relegation to what you feel that you need to be comfortable using your present perspectives could actually be resulting in factors that feed clinical depression. Consider that you already have anxiety, so your present course of action isn't necessarily going to eradicate it. It's quite possible that a change in your approach might just well result in a change to your difficulties. The act of creating a sense of comfort rather than requiring one beforehand very often results in greater confidence, less anxiety and a reduced environment of loneliness. Furthermore, no one is going to even know you exist if you seek out a work environment where you're tucked away and out of sight from others in general.

    Before I close, I'll simply state that is your present life is not offering the sort of rewards and desires you seek then simply alter your course and change it. You certainly have nothing to lose and I know of no punishment for doing so. The distance from one life to another is no greater than walking through a doorway. Understand that the irrational fears of anxiety that is compounded by clinical depression are the only factors holding your feet to the floor. The act of trying imposes no actual harm and to your surprise, may very magically alter the context of your life that resolves much of the disappointments and longing for better circumstances.

    Best regards

    • Posted

      thank you so much for your response. It has given me much more insight into myself and why I take some actions that I do. When I was a child, I never talked in school. I call it a crippling shyness. it stunted my social and personal development Back then people would just say I was sweet and shy when I actually could have used some help.

      my parents were wonderful and I had a great home life. but they had no idea how bad it was for me internally. I never said anything about it . It was just when I was in school. Or anywhere without my parents. I lacked a lot of confidence. and never really knew who I was because I never expressed myself or opinions, I was afraid of authority, and other kids, who were assertive, etc.. so this carried on through the years. As I got older, it wasn’t quite as bad, but I still had fear inside. Always afraid I would do things wrong at a job and still lacked confidence. i’m not shy anymore but some thing inside me makes me feel uneasy about getting a job. I’m going to do it because I need extra money. It would be part time but I am going to push myself. I’m not completely terrified it’s just that what I went through in childhood comes back a little bit and I question everything such as what if this happens what if that happens. my kids are very supportive of me and help me through my uncertainty.

      but you are right in that I need to get out there because being alone all the time is very depressing. So the past is the main reason I tend to avoid certain situations.

      my counselor said that it could have been a bio chemical or genetic in nature that I was born with . As far back as I can remember, I was so so. Withdrawn. Not at home though. I was very happy being there with my family. anyway, I really appreciate your insight.

      I agree when you said I can change my course if I’m not happy with the one I’m on

      im going to get out there because like you said, I have nothing to lose, and I might gain a lot! Thank you

    • Posted

      Well, I'm glad to hear that our discussion has provided some additional insight.

      I'll make several closing comments here in response to several points you've made. Understand that intense separation anxiety at a young age is often the culprit responsible for isolation practices and lack of self-confidence. Children who experience separation anxiety often describe their life up to the present as functioning just outside the perimeter of what they otherwise view to be a normal life and that home life was always a safe and nurturing environment at such a young age.

      As children, they demonstrate very similar patterns such as seeking the safest seat toward the rear of the classroom to make certain that they are not called upon. They do not like to have their perceived inadequacies and insecurities exposed. When called upon they often simply refrain from responding to avoid making a mistake that might reveal their vulnerability. While these adults as children did not actively think about the safety of home and close proximity to their parents, the separation anxiety was alternatively expressed as vulnerability and intense hesitancy to interact and engage the classroom environment with other children, who were perceived as more congruent with school participation and where competition among themselves left no opportunity or room for the child with separation anxiety.

      The impact of separation anxiety is most always carried forward in life and it can be recalled in a variety of contexts in both teen years and adulthood. There is a constant fear of making mistakes and the subsequent disastrous outcomes that arise in the context of irrational beliefs or projections. This scenario is driven by the need to protect one's fragile nature and perceived competency shortfalls from exposure. Persons with separation anxiety feel that performance in life must bear all the signs of constant competency of the type first observed in primary school as children.

      Your forthcoming new work environment will be just as safe and rewarding as your previous home life constituted. You simply have to put the former child within you to rest with the assurance that you no longer need to be afraid or feel incompetent because it was a misinterpretation all along.

      I wish you all the very best in your job search and do set your sights on the most prominent and engaging job available and you'll surprisingly find that in all reality it's just what you needed.

      Best regards

    • Posted

      thanks again! You are so right. Even to this day I tend to sit in the back of any room where there’s other people. But you made me more aware. ❤

    • Posted

      I meant to say, I still sit in the back off a room when the room is full of other people

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