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40 year old Dublin man here, stumbled upon this when scrolling through ways to die. I was in a relationship for nearly the whole of last year, the woman has 2 small kids and an older son,I loved her like crazy maybe too much an came across as controllin to her but didn't see it or mean to be like that, I've got a 12 year old daughter that has just bein me an her for years. I fell in love last February an was full on love.but her husband that walked out on her an the kids was always in the background.drinkin an doin drugs alot. I thought I was with her for life an loved the kids an life we had for the year,had plans for Xmas an talked about a trip to Vegas this March an loads of other things. I really thought I was settled for life an nothin could go wrong, then a day back in October she said she needed space,this was a week when my mam got rushed to hospital so my mind was all over the place anyway. I said some stupid horrible stuff to her an didn't mean any of it but obviously she didn't believe any of it, I had the worst Xmas I've ever had, lost interest in doin anythin an even wit my own daughter feel like I'm not the same person an when she talks to me it's like I'm miles away an lost.. in work most days I think about everythin I've lost an think alot about suicide everyday really,I cry an hide it from my work friends,I get home most nights an think of dien an cry more an how it would affect my daughter an she'd be about it all..she's the last person I want to hurt but feels like I can't go on, I've told my ex how I felt an had a date of February the 10th in my head that I'd hang myself,I just needed to talk an tell her how I was feeling but she went an told my niece sister then sister told my brother, didn't need all this an just makes me feel worse. I've suffered from depression an anxiety in the past an it's all come back now wit a bang and feel so low wit how my life has gone an nothin to look forward to an this year feels like theirs nothin for me an just want out. Have the rope on the ready on eBay an thought about where I'll do it. Don't want to be feelin this way but feels like a losing battle an it's my only option.
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