Want to die

I feel this way most of the time even with my meds. But I have learned to cope. I know the people in my life don't understand how empty and lonely and nervous and sad and afraid and useless and angry and tried and confused and consumed in darkness inside and outside of ourselves. I cope by praying and remembering the sadness and hurt my love ones feel when we have lost someone in our family. So I live the best I can for them. especially for my ninety two years old mama. I cringe inside as I think of the pain I have watched her suffered through due to the lost of my dad and then two of my brothers. So I keep myself very busy. I am awake now preparing myself to face tomorrow. No one knows how hard it is for me to make myself come out of my room. They have know idea of how I cry every day, and have knots in my stomach and how my mind screams at me to hide, then to hurt, then to kill and get it over with. How it tells me how ugly and stupid and dumb I am. I will stop here because I have to get ready to face this day, but I know that you are suffering and Know that with medication and prayers you will make it through. In time you will have days when you feel like you are on top of the world and all is well and that there is nothing better than being alive. When you can look out of a window and see nothing but beauty in God's creation. Take advantage of these days and hide the memory inside of your mind. When the darkness return cover it with the beauty of the good days and tell yourself that " you are loved and highly favored by God, and that the devil can't have your day.". Make yourself smile and think good and happy thoughts. I am praying for you and myself. Thank you so much. Because of you I am writing, and I am now inspired to have a good day. Please let me know how you are doing. 😘

I agree with the others, that we cannot get through these dark and loathsome times in our own strength. We must have faith and reliance on the Creator. Despite what many think and feel, God really does care about us and he sees our plight and our struggles, and he promises to do something permanent about it. There is an article on jw.org that I read recently entitled, "Does God Really Care About You"? I constantly read articles and watch videos on this website. There are so many useful and practical suggestions, and reminders of the promises God has made to rid the earth of sickness, and sorrow, and pain, and violence -- even death. The turmoil we see and experience on such a worldwide scale is proof that we are living in the time when God promises to intervene in man's affairs and wipe out all sorrow, ridding the entire earth of all the people and systems that make the world the scary, hate-filled place that it is today. That gives us a wonderful hope for the future. And, it is impossible for God to lie, so we are assured that he will do everything he has promised.

Check out the website. I hope you find it as useful and encouraging as I do. Keep fighting every day to stay alive. Very soon, every day of life will be filled with joy, peace, and happiness -- the way God intended from the very beginning. ♥

every waking day

Hi IamAnna - have you had any counselling? Seen a doc? Discussed with a professional what is happening? That's where you start.

Sis, a little over a year ago I couldn't handle the depression and attempted suicide. The depression worsened and I was heavily medicated. Today I feel a numbness that I've never felt before. Completely nothing. I can honestly say that it's better than being as depressed as I was. It gets better, babes. Just know you'll be your best self when you overcome it. Just know that some medications DO help, but he careful because they might just numb and repress your emotions. If you need someone to talk to just message me on IG: BarbieSoFetch