Was addicted for 8 months. Been on the suboxone program two years

Hi there my names Ashley. I'm a 24 yo female. For the past two and a half years I have been on the suboxone program. I started the programs after flying to NZ to detox cold turkey, I was supposed to detox in NZ and my partner was supposed to detox in Melbourne while I was away. We struggled to detox together. I have never used a needle for any drug use, my partner and I smoked it. I don't think I ever would of tried it if I had never seen someone smoke it. I came back from NZ to find that my partner never detoxes. It took me 3 days to relapse. 

I have been homeless since I was 16. Before any drug abuse I had been in no out of friends homes. I came from a broken home. I was the black sheep of the family and I never agreed with my mums poor decisions. We never had the basics. Food, electricity, clean clothes, love. My mum was always out partying. So when I turned 16 and found my partner I got in to drugs. It took me away from the hell that was my home. It made me feel better than I had in years. I gave up and gave in to the "Game". I got along really well with dealers. They seemed to love me. I never put out and I never betrayed their trust. I became apart of the family and they looked after me as best they could. They tried to stop me from trying heroin in the first place but I was my own person. 

Eventually I was set up, robbed and rolled. I had over two thousand dollars worth of possessions, laptop, phone, hair straightener, jewelry. I had just had my 21st birthday and I got really spoiled so I was hooked up. 

The person I was staying with set me up, 

I went through half an hour of panic and confusion. I was attacked by a guy with a mask and a machete. I managed to get out of there unhurt physically. But mentally I have never been the same. 

After that incident I knew I had to get my partner and I on to a programs. I had heard of methadone and I was never going to go on that but I recalled a friend who was pregnant. She told me she got on the suboxone programs and I should look in to it.

after being robbed that's what I did. I got my partner and myself on the programs, we have been clean ever since. 

I was diagnosed with PTSD and out on diazepam for 4 months. It really calmed me down and I was taken off them with no troubles. 

Last year my partners kidneys failed. He has lupus. It's a long story but I found out that he stopped taking his medication. I had no idea for months he wasn't taking his meds. I went down tk get a suboxone script one day. My dr. Took one look at Sezar and did his blood pressure and a urine test. They then reffered us to go straight to the hospital. 

Since then I have found myself in the same panic I was in when I first got robbed. My partner refused treatment. He gained 70kgs of excess fluid, he told me he would rather die than accept treatment. 

I could not go to the hospital after hearing this. I was bed ridden for a week crying and crying every day.. Regretting everything, 

he finally accepted treatment. 

But because we are on the suboxone program they refused tk let him go downstairs for a cigarette, they treated him like a criminal. I did dialysis with him 3 times a week 5 hours at a time. For about 3 months. I got hi spirits up. He got well enough to come off of dialysis which was an amazing blessing from god. I was praying everyday. 

My dr. Resigned from the clinic I went too about 7 months ago. 

Since I have a new dr. I have expressed how bad my anxiety is and they refuse to treat me with anxiety meds. I found out my father isn't my real dad about a month ago, I've lost my house from being evicted. I'm back to being homeless and my partner is retaining fluid again. 

I am worried I won't be able to handle all of this without proper treatment. I feel like I'm losing myself and I need to be strong for my partner, 

it's been over two years since we both started the programs and we were only addicted for 8 months.  I want us to both come off of the programs before he goes back in to hospital but I have no place to safely detox. 

​Advice is welcome please 

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