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Right guys. Week 3 and I am exactly the same as I was before I started the tablets. 108.3 kg. Not even a .1 kg or anything!
On the one hand this is obviously very frustrating. My only consolation is the fact that since I haven't had any side effects (in fact I haven't #2 since day before yesterday---back to my normal?) that perhaps my diet never really had to many fats in it.
Orlistat works by binding to fats, so I am not eating fats normally...so it ''isnt'' working. It will work in the sense to keep me from eating any fats, but it wont work in the sense if fat is already not the problem.
So anyway I have been logging all my food and staying within the calorie guidelines given by putting in my hieght/weight and how much I want to lose...they give you the number... I have been sticking to it.
According to it I should have lost 2.2 kg in the last month...but I haven't.
So the only thing I know is to start cutting my carbs right back. Now this generally works pretty well for me, and I do tend to start losing weight. The only problem? They diets tend to encourage healthy fats...Eggs, avocado, nuts...you can see where that is going to go with Orlistat right?
So..that leaves me with a Higher protein, low carb low fat...diet basically. Which I am sure everyone will be all ''you will have no energy'' and you cant live without carbs and/or healthy fats.
But I can't live fat either. I want this to finally change. I am doing what I am supposed to do and it isn't working. So where do I go from here?!
I have recently come to a sorta ''life chaning revelation'' as it were that my entire life I have been focused on my weight as my main issue. In reality I have OCD which has led me to actually be a Bulimic. I just don't purge. Now if you don't have a clue what I am talking about OCD causes me to get anxious about stuff that may or may not actually happen, I get sad/stressed/upset and ''have a treat to make myself feel better'' ---read I self medicate with sugar because sugar gives you a feel good high as it were--- then the bulimia kicks in. I go on a crazy health kick cutting everything out because I have ''binged'' so I punish myself with some crazy diet scheme to lose weight...until I break and binge again. I never thought of that as an eating disorder but it is. It wasn't until I did it and tried to actually make myself sick that I looked it up, ashamed of myself, and realised you can have bulimia without the vomitting.
Anyway. The point of all this? I am trying. Really trying...to do this a healthy way. I don't want to resort to weight loss surgery. But I can't keep doing this. I am turning 30 this year and I have been dieting since I was 14. I dont want to do this anymore. I want to just focus on the rest of my life and not everything that I am putting in my mouth for the scale to laugh in my face EVERY SINGLE WEEK.
Sorry if this is a bit of a downer post. I don't really have anyone else to talk to about it. Have to be the happy mom and wife you know.
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