Week 4 on Zoloft, never felt so hopeless in my life.
Posted , 9 users are following.
Hey all, first time poster.
I'm 21 years old and have suffered Chronic Anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder since I was a little girl. I now also have the diagnoses of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on top of these.
I've been medicated since I was 12. Tricyclics, SSRI's, SNRI'S, antipsychotics, benzodiazepines...
I recently had a breakdown relating to suicidal ideation and spent 9 days in a psychiatric ward in Melbourne where the psychiatrist prescribed Zoloft (sertraline) 100mg. Side effects were deathly but I really don't care about those - I just want to get better.
My current medications are Zoloft 100mg, Lithium 500mg daily as a way to augment my antidepressants (although I'm not sure they are doing anything at all...) and Lorazepam (Ativan) 2.5mg twice daily for anxiety and intrusive thoughts.
Today marks 1 month on Sertraline 100mg. I don't think I've ever felt so bad in my life. It used to be the chronic fear, but now I just feel nothing. It's complete apathy - for someone as empathetic, intelligent and usually driven as me, this is a nightmare. I want to cry, but I can't. I was previously on Fluvoxamine (Luvox) 200mg and that helped more than any of the others have, but it konked out and I couldn't tolerate a higher dose.
I am currently dealing with severe situational stress (loss of home, mother in rehab, severe financial hardship, end of a violent relationship etc.) but I am usually able to cope with these things better. Now it is truly hard to even get up and shower. I've had to move home from the city because I wasn't eating or sleeping - I have no emotional support networks. My family are all alcoholics or just do not understand mental illness in the slightest.
I'm searching, hell, PRAYING that somebody out there will see this and give me some positive feedback about their experience with sertraline. I need my life back. I feel absolutely no hope - like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. All I do is sleep, have nightmares, force myself to have some juice to up my blood sugar and go back to bed. I am so alone, so scared and so fearful of my life and future. I have no interest in the things I love. I have no motivation. I'm just a shell.
Should I talk to my doctor about upping the dose? I noticed on an equivalency chart that 100mg Zoloft is equivalent to the same of Fluvoxamine...
Someone, anyone, please help me. I'm losing hope.
0 likes, 12 replies
PatientMod-A rubynoel
Posted
Hi rubynoel
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
andrew83432 rubynoel
Posted
hi ruby i suffer with ocd my situation wasnt the same as yours but the 100 mg zoloft as worked miracles for me. For months i felt terrible was giving up hope, then things just started getting a little easier. keep on going you can do this
jen11667 rubynoel
Posted
hey
you are one brave lady!
i haven't been through anything like you however i wanted to tell you you're not alone
i'm in the UK but if you ever want to chat im here
im on week 8 of sertraline for work stress and im a zombie and have had loads of side effects
its s**t isnt it but you know what,you can do this
x jen
rubynoel jen11667
Posted
Hi Jen, thank you so much. I couldn't see your whole response as it changed fonts hahaha, but you are are not alone either - we are all in this rocky boat heading towards a beautiful, calm oasis (I'm a bit of a hippy - Australian from a tiny coastal town...how could I not be!!!)
The UK! I love (almost) every accent...funnily enough whilst I was in the psych ward every single staff member were from the UK, predominantly Irish...I loved it so much, Irish is my favourite accent in the world!
What dosage are you on if you don't mind me asking? Lots of love from Oz. xxx
sandi77808 rubynoel
Posted
Ruby, don't lose hope. You have gone through more in your young life than anyone should have to. As far as zoloft....this is a slow-acting medication. My daughter suffered a severe major depressive disorder a year ago, (she was 25 and now 26) and 4 weeks in she was in a terrible state and feeling hopeless also. Because this drug makes you feel worse before you feel better, especially in young people in their 20s. BUT IT WILL WORK. The downside is that it really does take time. By 6 weeks I started seeing my daughter have some good days - in all it took about 12-14 weeks but she recovered fully. I know you have additional challenges in addition to depression, and I can only speak for the depression, but I do know that this medication works but you have to stick with it and also have to keep increasing. My daughter kept upping her dose - you can safely go to 200 mg. But she is doing great now. Please stick with it and see if you can increase. It may help to focus on a date, - say 12 weeks from when you started the medication - when you believe you will be feeling better. Are you able to get therapy? This is important also, especially with all the trauma in your life that you have had to deal with. If you cannot afford a therapist, is there a pastor or other religious person who may be able to counsel you? Because you need someone like that in your life that you can depend on for support. Also it is my understanding that lithium can really zone you out, so that may be affecting you. BUT, zoloft (and depression) also mess with your motivation And motivation is the last thing that returns. My daughter was like you, no desire to even get out of bed. That is the medication but once your body adjusts to it and it kicks in you will start having better days. Remember that you are not alone. Everyone here is pulling for you and supporting you and praying for you. You'll get better love, don't lose hope and please post as often as you want. xoxoxo
rubynoel sandi77808
Posted
Hey Sandi, thank you so, so much for your beautiful and detailed response. I have been doing sooo much research as I always do when starting a new medicine (I like to call it medicine instead of medication...just feels more therapeutic!) and have noted that Zoloft can take a bit longer, and that it can tackle anxiety before it starts to work for depression...when I started the Fluvoxamine it took around 12 weeks to get back to my full self. It was an absolute nightmare, but the day it began to work it made every second of pain worth it. I hope that this will be the same.
I think I will go to 200mg. I'd rather be on a too-high dose than too low...I just want to get the transitional period over and done with. I am able to get therapy however because I live in regional Australia there are no psychologists or psychiatrists in my area (closest in Canberra, 3 hours away!) so I use a really great service called GP2U where you do Skype appointments with specialists. It's not the most ideal as face-to-face is usually best for me, but beggars can't be choosers! I have a referral and I will be calling them today. I don't follow a faith, but I'm definitely spiritual and have a few great books that have helped me in the past (I lost them, grrr) so I think I will re-order them.
Thank you SO much for your love and support. All my love to you and your beautiful girl too ❤️ xxxx
sandi77808 rubynoel
Posted
So happy to hear you have the ability to have skype therapy sessions; I have always understood that treatment needs to include both meds and therapy. You sound amazingly together considering what you are dealing with. And good for you for doing research - I did tons of it too, my daughter wasn't able to at the time. . I am so grateful she was able to come home and stay with us for two months - as parent I wanted so badly to "fix it" and it was hard to realize I could not. But she is now back at her apt in New York and thriving - still seeing her therapist. My heart goes out to you not having parents giving you love and support. But you can count on us here. Much love from the US (I live just outside Washington DC). xoxo
One23 rubynoel
Posted
hi Ruby
my son have been on Sertraline for 13 weeks now. He is having snippets of happy moment. He is more or less how you describe yourself to be, the numbness, the no motivation to even eat, it's a chore for him, he has loud racing thoughts and closing his eyes to sleep at night is a nightmare. The thoughts will go on and on and also has intense dreams. These few days have not been good as he is having bad sleep.
The side effect he has is extreme tiredness. when he is tired, the depersonalisation takes over. Anxiety raises the dp/dr ..and the ocd.
doctor has just asked to raise it to 150mg and see her in 3 weeks. My son will be increasing the dosage today. Do pray for us that it will work. It is good to know that someone out there, wherever they may be, is thinking about us. Can you do this for us plz?
Imyself came out of a bad depression having no family around in a foreign land (then). It was crazy tough. I ploughed on. I had a baby to look after too. Depression is horrible. No two depressions are the same. We cannot see it and at present moment no test to diagnose exactly what is happening in our brain . It's crazy too how we have to answer the many questions which wrecks the brain and bring on more anxiety. I hated it as I had to cough out the dates of when I had which AD at what dose...etc etc 🧐. An understanding psychiatrist matters. Not easy to come across one, in my opinion but I did.
Make the call to see your doctor. Insist you absolutely need help. You will feel uplifted, as you have done something to help yourself. Thats the start of your recovery. It may be a change of medicine or increase etc or talk therapy. Keep them informed on how you feel, before it gets really bad. Let them do the thinking . If they are in the know, they can really help you as you recover. They are the pro having done medicine and specialising in psychiatry.
Have hope. There are people out there who have replied to you and care about you. Speak to us. Hope this makes you feel better. Tell yourself
BulldozerMcr rubynoel
Posted
Hello! I can't give you any help or advice as I feel the same like you, I am here to find some hope as well... Just wanted to say you are not alone, I feel your pain..
If you wanna read Zoloft success stories look for Zoloft Support groups on Facebook, I have found 3 of them with tausends of great, kind and very supportive members in it. It does help for me It might help for you as well.
The most important thing is: NEVER GIVE UP, no matter how are you feeling now it is temporary and WILL GET BETTER SOON!! Just hang in there!!
I wish you a fast recovery and good luck with Zoloft!!!
Kind Regards,
B. from Hungary
Lenny141991 rubynoel
Posted
Hi rubynoel!
You are definitely not alone in this. I'm a 28yr old female from Melbourne, and I started taking 50mg sertraline around 3 weeks ago for severe anxiety. I have been on/off antidepressants since I was 21 and i know how isolating and lonely it can feel. I can't imagine how it would be living regionally but I read that you have access to Skype sessions with a therapist which is fantastic.
I don't think the medication has starting working yet, the main side effects have passed for me, except I'm still having vivid dreams which makes me feel like I haven't rested. But like many others have suggested, I'm gonna stick it out for another 8 weeks and see how I go. Just know we're in this together!! 😃
rubynoel Lenny141991
Posted
How are you feeling lovely? I just moved home from Melbourne because of all of this...I wish that I could have made a better life there...pretty effing hard to do that on Centrelink. 😦 xxx
rubynoel
Posted
Hey everyone, me again.
Today marks 6 weeks - I went up to 150mg around 6 days ago. I was expecting hellish side effects again like when I initially started sertraline, but luckily it was just a bit of tummy upset and fatigue, which I'm no stranger to anyway. I've also switched to name brand Zoloft instead of generic sertraline...I know that they are the same, but having the name brand just eases my mind a little - and I'm lucky enough to live in Australia where a 30 day supply is only $12.50 (around $9 American per month)...
I've been so, so low for the last few days. In the two week since I last posted I have had a few moments of complete peace and a few flickering, fleeting moments of hope, but nothing substantial. Intrusive thoughts are around 85% gone which is amazing - but all I can think about is the agonising, grey nothingness that is my mind. I feel like I've lost my intelligence. I have absolutely no motivation or sight for the future and it is terrifying me. I'm so numb I can't even cry. I'm also INCREDIBLY agitated most of the time, but more on that soon. I'm trying to understand that it's quite a co-morbid situation as I am dealing with so many situational hardships, but I just have no idea where to go from here. I am still essentially in bed all day - I try to read sometimes but it's mostly just music, worrying and whirling thoughts of doom. I have no money, no job, no friends, no vision for the future...plus, as aforementioned, my family are incredibly unsupportive and constantly make cruel remarks about my lack of, well, everything. My Grandma is constantly at my little sister (14) saying "do you really want to end up like her?
It hurts so much. My grandparents used to adore me and support me throughout everything, but the second I turned 18 they did a 180 and branded me a failure, a problem that can't be solved.
I have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder which always begins on the day of ovulation. I ovulated yesterday so I'm wandering if perhaps the anger, irritability and exacerbation of symptoms are due to this. By the same token, I thought Zoloft was supposed to help with that...
Has anybody had experiences in which it takes a few months as opposed to weeks for things to improve?
I turn 21 next month. Although it's technically a big birthday only in America, it's something I've been dreaming about since I was a little girl. I couldn't care less now - all I can think about is how little in my life I have accomplished.