Weight

HI kay you are a normal weight please let it remain lke that. I would seek some help or at least talk to someone, before it becomes something else. I am anorexic and currently in an ED unit where there are young girls like yourself who are struggling with this horrible disease. It sounds like you are struggling with body image and food please talk to someone if you have a good doctor or close family member before it becomes something much worse, you really dont want it to take over your life. I dont want to scare you but it will consume you and take over your everday life to the point you cant exist without it.

I have had anorexia since your age and i am now 49, the last resort is ending up in a unt for ED where everything is tsken away from you and you are forced to eat 6 times a day.  I would like to say i am on the road to recovery but constantly worry about weight gain which is the aim of being here, so the ED is still in control. 

I hope you do seek some help before its to late and starts to ruin your life

I read your post and it really struck a chord with me for many reasons.

I usually refrain from comparing my BMI, height and weight because I know how competitive this illness is, however, looking at the numbers you laid out and even the age, just reminded me of the numbers I was originally before I became extremely poorly.

I get it, you look healthy on the surface, but mentally you are so unwell.

I also completely understand the bingeing. For years I hid my eating disorder by skipping meals through the day (only eating at dinner so my parents didn't find out), but the problem was, this tactic is detrimental for preventing binges, as your body naturally craves high energy foods if it is deprived carbs. This is why you binge, no matter what your intensions.

Furthermore, there is a side of your brain, which when deprived things you like will crave it even more. (This is why labelling foods as good or bad is such bad practice).

Your bingeing is happening because you have been restricting. If you try and eat regular meals (with carbs) you will find your weight stabilises and your binges decrease. You may even find your weight goes down a little.

You will also find with this approach that you feel more in control of your emotions.

I feel like I am writing to the 17 year old me here and 9 years on, several sessions of therapy and 3 hospital admissions I am getting there.

It sounds like you do need some support, to help you understand why you are using food in this way and why you are so unhappy.

I would definitely start off by trying to keep a food diary, and make a note of your feelings with this. Pay attention to when you are eating too, because that can address some of the times you get cravings e.g. I always feel hungry when I get home from work.

Have you spoken to any health professionals about this?

Hi Kay

How are you doing?

A point which is worth remembering is that eating disorders come in all shapes, sizes and BMIs.

Someone could have a very healthy BMI but be in a lot of mental agony due to their relationship with food and how they perceive themselves.

You mentioned that you were concerned as to whether you were ill or just concerned by appearance.

The difference between eating disorders is that eating disorders are serious mental illnesses which carry physical risks ( in 20% death ).

They are a behaviour which is often used as a coping mechanism (conscious, or unconscious) to deal with other external problems e.g. during a family divorce, struggling with pressures at school, managing job pressures. Often people with eating disorders struggle with both self esteem and assertiveness and in these types of scenarios cannot assert themselves so find a different way of coping...controlling their body.

This is why I recommend chatting to a therapist as you sound unhappy for a start and second behaviours may be a response to something else.