Posted , 4 users are following.
Before I talk about my doctors appointment let me give you some background:
I've been depressed for around three years and it's gotten worse and worse to where I am today. Every day is just hell. I don't enjoy life at all. I'd say how I feel is a mixture of unhappiness, emptiness and numbness. Every day I think about ending my life. I'm just tired of living to be honest.
I can't give any specific reasons for why I'm depressed. Sure, there are things that don't help such as having no money. And I mean no money. I don't have any sort of income. I live of my mother who is on benefits herself and has no money. It sucks being a burden, having to ask for every little bit of food because my Mum hasn't got money for me to just be able to go into the fridge and take whatever I want.
I also don't really like living at home. My sister can be very rude to me and my brother who struggles with his own problems with mentall illness is back at home and he is hard to live with and that doesn't help as well.
I know however that if I woke up tomorrow with all the money in the world and living in a massive mansion that I still would feel how I feel.
Anyway I went to the doctors today to get help for my depression. I haven't sought help for it before partly because I don't feel very comfortable going outside and interacting with others and when I've thought about going to the doctors in the past just I was overcome with nervouseness and worry and it was easier for me to just forget about it and not deal with it.
But yeah I went today (Mum had to book my appointment because I'm not comfortable doing something like today) and I just felt very sick beforehand and I had what I would say is a mini panic attack. Despite my nerves I managed to get to the doctors.
So after waiting a while we're called in. I took my Mum with me btw to relax me as I wouldn't have been able to go on my own.
I told the doctor that I've been feeling depressed for a while and am here for some help and told her that I feel very nervous and that this is the first time I've been outside the house in a year.
What she did is she had me answer some questions and then said that I have depression which I of course knew and she then said to me that I can have some tablets and if I want I could go and see a pyscholigist or something like that. I said that I'll just have the tablets as it's taken enough of me right now to get here today and the less people I have to see the better. So she gave me a prescription and when she left the room my Mum told me to ask for a sick note so I can get the relevent benefit.
I asked her but she said because I've never worked before she doesn't see how a sick note would help me. Well, it's true that I've never worked before. I left school and never looked but I need to go and get a job. I can't keep living of my Mum it's just not possible and I don't want to. It make me feel like complete sh*t. Honestly, how can I be expected to go to work each day when up until day I hadn't been out for a whole year? I have to have my mother go out with me for godsake, how can I go to work like that. It's not like I'm living of my Mum as she's loaded and I'm loving it. No I'm dirt poor and my Mum is on benefits herself and has no money.
Honestly, the whole appointment has left me feeling more hopless. I just feel stuck and don't know what to do. I'm honestly going to either be out on the street begging or I'm just going to have to end my life.
Oh and the tablets she prescribed me, guess what? You have to pay for them. So, thanks alot doctor I told you I live of my Mum who has no money and you go and give me a prescription that I have to pay for. Thanks very much. More money my Mum has to spend that she doesn't have.
Anyway just how I'm feeling,
2 likes, 9 replies