What am I dealing with?

Hello everyone,

I haven’t been officially diagnosed any disorder except OCD, and I suspect that this is something very different. What ever I have interferes with my life most when I am trying to get mental work finished. For example, when I was in college, it was extremely hard for me to sit down and write an essay on material that bored me; the continual desire to stop was almost irresistible. Reading a textbook of boring material was also a struggle. For instance, every few minutes of reading, I’d have the strong urge to stop reading and go do something that entertained me. The absolute worst part is that after I tackled one single assignment, I would feel completely exhausted--mentally and physically--so, I would try to stretch my assignments out over the whole week such that I’d only have to complete one a day. The problem with this is that I was in a pretty easy college; if I get into my dream college, I am sure I’ll be doing more than one assignment a day. Historically, doing more than one assignment a day amounted to the second assignment being done half-assed. Moreover, this routine of getting through school was very detrimental to my learning: I can't remember hardly anything I studied in college (probably because I finished the work in a very superficial way [e.g., short term memorizing and cramming for tests]).

Now that I think about it, this seems to spread out to other areas of my life. For example, after an 8-hour shift at my job, even if the work wasn't all that hard, JUST because I viewed it as work, I'd have to go home and "play" (anything other than what I viewed as work) afterwards, or I would feel really stressed, irritable, and like I had no life. College work is the same way: after finishing a procrastinated assignment, I'd feel a strong urge to not do anything else the rest of the day except for play. Also, sometimes my interest level doesn't seem to affect anything, such as when I'm researching answers to a question that I am passionate about. If the material gets complicated at all, I lose interest--although it is a question that I am passionate about and interested in. I can't seem to get anything done anymore; I'm not motivated and not energetic enough to try. I put off everything to the future, and my much needed career research and religious studies just aren't happening. It's possible that my malaise and fatigue (I have been diagnosed with this) may have a lot to do with everything, but I'm not certain. Since I need to go back to college soon for studying my passion--something I should actually be learning about--I really need help with this issue.

Thank you for listening,

Shane

0 likes, 4 replies