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I was thinking about who my son used to be before alcoholism .This is what I heard in my heartIm going to offer it to u..I heard that a a absent son enslaves his mothers soul to sorrow in suffering in questions I never get answers.
I have felt that for years. I will never abandon my son. I feel a horrible detachment from my child.
There is no try there is only do or don't do. I'm still doing....the best I know how! The pain that sent me too the roof opened my eyes that I realized that I was all my son had and yet I could not be there for him any longer. I was the one who never gave up and never betrayed him as I was by him over & over.
To use my heart I want to tell u what I feel. I am so full of grief yet I know I have forgiven my son. I am still a work in progress he is still a work in progress . I may never see my son again before he or I die. I want him to know that I never left his side. I always had faith in him and I always believed in his strength.
What I heed from my son I lost him years missed out on xyz.
The biggest thing is that I know that I can never trust him with my heart. When a child advocate his position in my heart it affirms betrayal thru addiction. My work is not done I will always be waiting for my soul to heal. It's a work in progress as sobriety .
i could tell u how many years I tried to help my son. I could tell u all the professional help I got him.
i could tell u haw many times he relapsed.
i could tell u no matter what I will always luv him.
I could make a long story shor fast foreword 20 years his is a black out alcoholic.
i could tell u he has been in jail over 32 times.
i could tell u he lives on the streets.
i could tell u someone poured bleach over him while he was passed out.
I could tell u it killed me to see him on life support.
i could tell u he was given a 2nd chance at life.
i can tell u that he threw it down the drain.
I can tell u haw broken my heart is.
I can tell u how much I love him no matter what..
I can tell u life is a gift!
i wrote for other alcoholics or parents to read how the spiral down take not just the alcoholic but his family destroy all those who love them.. It's ugly not the pretty picture most people could even imagine. The cravings take over the alcoholics soul. A mothers love craves the life of her child.
As usual a alcoholic child is always blamed on the parent. Unless others have been thru it , they could not possibly get it or show the slightest concern. Society blames the alcoholic for the addiction and they are socially castrated.
my heart is broken I know that my son is one who just cannot find sobriety. I love him no matter what !
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