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Not really sure what to do anymore so maybe speaking about it might make me feel better.
Over the last year or so i have felt so down depressed and alone, i feel as though no one cares about me anymore and im just in everyones way. i hate this feeling and i really dont know what to do anymore. i feel so lonely now, i sit here in my room on my own, like always just feeling sorry for myself. About a year ago i got diagnosed with a heart condition which is quite rare, im 24 and it frightend the life out of me, im still scared to this day about it and i think this is the reason for me feeling the way i do.
I dont really have any friends, im abit of a loner, i normally sit alone and just think my self into submission about pointless things that never happen. i over think everything into the worst possible case scenario and just make myself feel worse but i really can not help it.
I have a girlfrend who i have been with for the past 8 years. she is a great loving person but i feel as though she can do so much better than me and i think everyone else agree's on this. it makes me feel like i should tell her we should break up just for her sake so she does not get brought down with me.
My depression strikes me at random times, some days i feel fine but never happy and some days i feel down and depressed and all i want to do is dissapear like i never exsisted. i feel like i dont want to be here anymore, and the only reason i havnt done it already is because my mum, i love her so much and i know it would break her heart. shes so nice to me and probably the only person that really cares about me. she tries so hard with me and i feel so sad that she ended up with someone like me as her son because im useless, im a burdon i really feel so fed up i just dont know what to do anymore. sometimes i just pray ill wake up and feel different but everyday its the same. Life is so so sad. today i walked home from the gym down the canal and just stopped half way looking at the ducks and just cried, i remember when i was a child and me and my mum would walk down the canal and feed the ducks and it was all i could think of, being a little boy and being happy. My mum would always be there for me and make me feel happy, she has always looked after me and i just want to make her proud. sometimes i look on facebook and envy all the people i used to go to school with who are all doing things, lots of friends going on holiday, lots of photographs, all enjoying them selves, then i look at myself and i just wish it was me. i used to be so happy, what has happend to the old joe.
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