1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Depression

What has happened to me

Posted , 11 users are following.

joseph27860
joseph27860

Hi all,

Not really sure what to do anymore so maybe speaking about it might make me feel better.

Over the last year or so i have felt so down depressed and alone, i feel as though no one cares about me anymore and im just in everyones way. i hate this feeling and i really dont know what to do anymore. i feel so lonely now, i sit here in my room on my own, like always just feeling sorry for myself. About a year ago i got diagnosed with a heart condition which is quite rare, im 24 and it frightend the life out of me, im still scared to this day about it and i think this is the reason for me feeling the way i do.

I dont really have any friends, im abit of a loner, i normally sit alone and just think my self into submission about pointless things that never happen. i over think everything into the worst possible case scenario and just make myself feel worse but i really can not help it.

I have a girlfrend who i have been with for the past 8 years. she is a great loving person but i feel as though she can do so much better than me and i think everyone else agree's on this. it makes me feel like i should tell her we should break up just for her sake so she does not get brought down with me.

My depression strikes me at random times, some days i feel fine but never happy and some days i feel down and depressed and all i want to do is dissapear like i never exsisted. i feel like i dont want to be here  anymore, and the only reason i havnt done it already is because my mum, i love her so much and i know it would break her heart. shes so nice to me and probably the only person that really cares about me. she tries so hard with me and i feel so sad that she ended up with someone like me as her son because im useless, im a burdon i really feel so fed up i just dont know what to do anymore. sometimes i just pray ill wake up and feel different but everyday its the same. Life is so so sad. today i walked home from the gym down the canal and just stopped half way looking at the ducks and just cried, i remember when i was a child and me and my mum would walk down the canal and feed the ducks and it was all i could think of, being a little boy and being happy. My mum would always be there for me and make me feel happy, she has always looked after me and i just want to make her proud. sometimes i look on facebook and envy all the people i used to go to school with who are all doing things, lots of friends going on holiday, lots of photographs, all enjoying them selves, then i look at myself and i just wish it was me. i used to be so happy, what has happend to the old joe.

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • julie1111
    julie1111 joseph27860

    Posted

    oh joseph i know how hard it is. i felt like that just a few months back specialy reguarding facebook, dont look at there lifes and you know what jo people put on facebook what they want us to see, its not allways the case ! alot suffer in this world, have u tried groups or mind and meditaion ..candles are healing theres someone up there looking after you listen and connect with them.. your mum loves you . you are loved! u have taken a great step coming on here :-) theres so much support out there take it jo. u cant go on like this your young and have your life ahead of you! walking is good and crying clears you. the scare probley set your depression off . have u seen your gp? hugs x
  • jack70418
    jack70418 joseph27860

    Posted

    Hi Joe

    Sorry to hear you're feeling this way. My first thing to say is that if your girlfriend has been with you for 8 years then you are clearly the one she wants to be with and she can't do any better than you. And who cares what anyone else thinks.

    Secondly I would say that I'm sure your mother is proud of you. You're her son, it goes without saying. Mothers have a good way of seeing all the great things we've accomplished when we're blind to them.

    Chin up, and if you continue to feel this way there are always people out there who can help you.

  • julie1111
    julie1111 joseph27860

    Posted

    jo theres a site on here called friends in need. the people on there are amazing and will help you if u can join it xx
  • jo44371
    jo44371 joseph27860

    Posted

    Hi Joseph

    You've given a very good account of almost all of the symptoms of depression! Most of those reading your post will have felt the same sort of things in the past, and many will be feeling some or all of them now. By that I don't mean that your experience is nothing special, but that you are not alone. Depression distorts your view of yourself and those around you, so be aware that decisions you make based on those views might not be grounded in reality. It is not a very good thing to make important decisions whilst you are depressed.

    Your girlfriend sounds like she is committed to you, and is almost certainly distressed about how you are at the moment. If you haven't already, discuss how you are feeling with her - she will probably be much more sympathetic than you expect. Similarly discuss how you are feeling with you mother if you can - she has known you best and longest, and will want to support you.

    Whilst medication is not the only treatment for depression, in certain circumstances it can be very helpful. Discuss your feelings with your GP, who could prescribe medication and who is also a route to counselling, CBT, etc.

    Sorry this sounds very prescriptive, but I know from my own experience that indecision is part of depression. You will not continue to feel like this for ever, you will feel better. Best wishes, Jo

  • carmel83758
    carmel83758 joseph27860

    Posted

    Your confidence has totally disappeared. And you underestimate people. If your girlfriend did not want to be with you she would have ended it, she would not need you to decide to end it instead.

    People like girlfriends do not hang around unless they want to.

    The old Joe can come back but he needs to learn how to be positive and confident. The truth is that anyone new coming along would be put off by this negative streak in you now and it does come across as you being self absorbed. People like to be with people who are happy (even if only pretending) and lively and bubbly. Would you keep going back to someone who was always sad and deep?

  • Guest
    Guest joseph27860

    Posted

    Hello Jo,

    I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling this way & i do totally understand & feel like i was reading about myself & own thoughtys for a second. At least you have you're girlfriend & she wouldn't be with you if she didn't want to be so remember that & also at least you have some kind of love & support.

    If you ever need a chat you can message me anytime & remember you are not alone.

    Hugs

    Butterfly x

  • faith29682
    faith29682 joseph27860

    Edited

    joe, I see that this was posted several years ago and everything you said really resonated with me.

    I literally typed in google "what happened to me.." because that's exactly how I feel.

    I really wanted to ask how you are now. I don't know if you'll see this but i

    I hope you have found peace and some happiness over the years.

  • faith29682
    faith29682 joseph27860

    Edited

    joe, I see that this was posted several years ago and everything you said really resonated with me.

    I literally typed in google "what happened to me.." because that's exactly how I feel.

    I really wanted to ask how you are now. I don't know if you'll see this but i

    I hope you have found peace and some happiness over the years.

Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.