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What if thoughts :(

Posted , 5 users are following.

ct7991
ct7991

I've really been struggling lately with these horrible what if thoughts, of what if I don't actually love my boyfriend, or what if it's just easier leaving him, or what if I'm not with him forever. I have been with him for 6 years and love him more than anything and I couldn't imagine life without him, I don't know if it's like a fear of loosing him, but then I don't feel like I am fearful of loosing anyone. I also have bad separation anxiety with my parents (I'm 20yrs old) and I feel like I shouldn't be having any of these troubles at my age sad I just don't know how to feel love again and feel like my normal self. I'm on citalopram so I have 0 sex drive which my boyfriend is really struggling with aswell.

0 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • aga02916
    aga02916 ct7991

    Posted

    Hiya , oh how well I know these WHAT IF thoughts. For me its fear that im going to stop thinking rationally and that I will do things I wouldnt normally do, and even thinking about it makes me feel ill. What If do it cause I will be in this much stress , what If I have to do it so my stress is going to dissapear, what if im going crazy and I wont be able to enjoy my life with my hubby(im 31yr) what if I....... its our anxiety talking. I Started telling myself that these thoughts arent real, that its my anxiety talking, and im trying to think about something else instead of torturing myself with them as they making me ill. You are not alone. Talk in here for support. We will get thru this xxx
    • aga02916
      aga02916

      Posted

      And maybe its time to start thinking about new antidepressant if citalopram is not working ? Xx just speak to your doctor about it. Have you ever tried CBT or counselling ? Xxx
    • ct7991
      ct7991 aga02916

      Posted

      I have slowly been increasing my dosage of citalopram so now am on 1 and a half and still don't feel any different so I think I will need to change. I have been to various counsellors, and cbt I found it was ok but it never really made me come out thinking I know what to do now, I got the 3 free sessions they have here In NZ so I feel as if I left still feeling stuck I prob needed more but it is really expensive. I have just started on the headspace meditation app so I'm hoping that'll help too. I just hate waking up feeling on edge when I know I don't need to worry about anything, but it's the feeling of being nervous constantly through out the day sad Thankyou for your help xx 

    • aga02916
      aga02916 ct7991

      Posted

      How long have you been on citalopram for ? Sometimes it takes time to start to work and it doesnt start working straight away after increasing dosage but im sure you know all of this. Maybe its time to try something else, just talk to your gp, explain how you feeling. There are mindfulness courses as well, they apparently really good. I know what you mean about waking up with stress , im the same, it wakes me up. But dont give up. Like I said there is many lovely people over here going thru the exact thing. I would be lost without this forum. Its better than any therapy . We all support each otherxxxx
    • ct7991
      ct7991 aga02916

      Posted

      I've been taking it for maybe 3 months now and it's been 3 weeks or so since I upped my dosage so would have thought I'd notice something better by now but the doctor wanted me to try upping it before going onto a different one which I think is what I'll do. Thankyou I have tried a few other forums but my posts never seemed to get proper answers so it's nice to feel like I'm not alone! Because it's so easy to get stuck in a mindset that I'm not normal or not myself anymore. Yep all here for one another Xx 

    • aga02916
      aga02916 ct7991

      Posted

      Just give it time then If its only been 3 weeks since upping the dose and maybe you are still expieriencing side effects . Im sure everything is going to get better , we are here for each other . If you wana talk just come here .Thinking of you x how are you feeling now ? X
    • ct7991
      ct7991 aga02916

      Posted

      Feeling Abit better so far today I hope you are doing well too xx
    • aga02916
      aga02916 ct7991

      Posted

      Hi Im glad you are feeling better. Im having bad day today, feeling helpless and everything in black. Been crying on my husbands shoulder for the past 2 hrs scared that I will never get better. Might be side effect of antidepressant , I dont know but im dreading bed time cause I know I wont be getting much sleep xx
    • ct7991
      ct7991 aga02916

      Posted

      Aww that is horrible xx I know exactly how that feels sad you definitely will break free of your anxiety or depression I promise you. I'm really struggling at the moment we had an exchange student he was from Germany for the past 6 months and I'm really really missing him which of course is making me worry oh well if you miss him so much it must mean you love him instead of your boyfriend. But he was like a brother to me so I miss him so much sad xx

    • aga02916
      aga02916 ct7991

      Posted

      😔😔bless you. Its all you need right now, more sadness and worrying. Is this ever going to end ?

    • ct7991
      ct7991 aga02916

      Posted

      It definitely feels like this sometimes sad we will get through this

    • aga02916
      aga02916 ct7991

      Posted

      Thank you😗im trying to stay positive. And Im thankful for this forum and people here 😗

  • jenessa37984
    jenessa37984 ct7991

    Posted

    Overthinking is a huge struggle with me also i try to put my mind on other topics and reasure im in a good place
    • ct7991
      ct7991 jenessa37984

      Posted

      It sucks doesn't it, I'm trying to do that aswell, but sometimes I don't do it soon enough and I get so stuck in the worry it takes over, and I'm sure your probably the same or understand that too xx 

  • jenessa37984
    jenessa37984 ct7991

    Posted

    Overthinking is a huge struggle with me also i try to put my mind on other topics and reasure im in a good place
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