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OK, let's start at the beginning. I was being bullied for a year and then I went to a new school, but the feelings that I felt (sadness, fear of eg death and being left behind, loneliness) never went away. I recently talked to my parents about my fear of death and that actually worked. But a week or so after that, I started feeling numb and got suicidal thoughts. I had those before when I was bullied and the only thing that was stopping me then, was my fear of death. But now that fear wasn't there anymore and that made me scared. I told my friend about it and she was really supportive. But she also told me I needed help. I knew that, but how am I supposed to tell my parents? They don't even know I got bullied. I don't want them to be less proud of me because of all this. How do I tell them? My obsessive overthinking and worrying has made me believe I might have an anxiety disorder and I have been feeling this emptiness, and I can't explain the rest. But I looked up basic symptoms and I feel like I might have depression. My sister also told me I have gotten slower. I feel like I have. And my dad told me that I was being weird for just sitting in one place staring at nothing for the whole day. And everytime I cross the street and a car comes, all I can think about is that I want that car to hit me. And I have to admit that I have done self-harm. But during events such as birthdays, I can be happy. Not always though but sometimes. Anyway, now for like a week or so, I felt like my body wasn't mine. I mean, I know it is because I was born with it and lived in it for my whole life. But when I look in the mirror, I just see a person. Not me. Just someone. And I dream in third person. My sister told me I couldn't dream in third person. That that is impossible. But then how can it be that I do? It's like watching a movie with me in it. What am I feeling? How do I tell my parents all this? I mean, what I am feeling doesn't even seem real. It's like I am living in a dream, you know? And some people might find it easy to talk with their parents. But I truly don't know what they'll say. Maybe they'll think I am joking and just looking for attention. Maybe they take me really seriously. Maybe they will start laughing and just tell me that it's a phase and it'll pass. They told my sister her being bisexual is just a phase. Can someone help me? And I think it could be possible for me to have atypical depression.
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