what is going on with me?

Posted , 4 users are following.

OK, let's start at the beginning. I was being bullied for a year and then I went to a new school, but the feelings that I felt (sadness, fear of eg death and being left behind, loneliness) never went away. I recently talked to my parents about my fear of death and that actually worked. But a week or so after that, I started feeling numb and got suicidal thoughts. I had those before when I was bullied and the only thing that was stopping me then, was my fear of death. But now that fear wasn't there anymore and that made me scared. I told my friend about it and she was really supportive. But she also told me I needed help. I knew that, but how am I supposed to tell my parents? They don't even know I got bullied. I don't want them to be less proud of me because of all this. How do I tell them? My obsessive overthinking and worrying has made me believe I might have an anxiety disorder and I have been feeling this emptiness, and I can't explain the rest. But I looked up basic symptoms and I feel like I might have depression. My sister also told me I have gotten slower. I feel like I have. And my dad told me that I was being weird for just sitting in one place staring at nothing for the whole day. And everytime I cross the street and a car comes, all I can think about is that I want that car to hit me. And I have to admit that I have done self-harm. But during events such as birthdays, I can be happy. Not always though but sometimes. Anyway, now for like a week or so, I felt like my body wasn't mine. I mean, I know it is because I was born with it and lived in it for my whole life. But when I look in the mirror, I just see a person. Not me. Just someone. And I dream in third person. My sister told me I couldn't dream in third person. That that is impossible. But then how can it be that I do? It's like watching a movie with me in it. What am I feeling? How do I tell my parents all this? I mean, what I am feeling doesn't even seem real. It's like I am living in a dream, you know? And some people might find it easy to talk with their parents. But I truly don't know what they'll say. Maybe they'll think I am joking and just looking for attention. Maybe they take me really seriously. Maybe they will start laughing and just tell me that it's a phase and it'll pass. They told my sister her being bisexual is just a phase. Can someone help me? And I think it could be possible for me to have atypical depression.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    hi indiipindii, i apologise if i have spelt that wrong! this sounds terrible to live with, no wonder you feel so bad. the big and the main question is has anybody ever tackled your bullying at all? has anyone offered any counselling? have you spoken to your doctor at all? you need to tell somebody, someone needs to know this, until this is tackled you will find it's tough to move forward and feel good, i wish you luck.

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    • Posted

      hi sam18386, I haven't told anyone about my bullying. i am planning on telling my parents about everything. I just don't know how to start the conversation and everything that follows in the conversation. I have written down multiple things that I wanna say but getting the courage to actually tell them is a lot more difficult

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    • Posted

      hi indi, sorry to shorten your name but due to my dyslexia, i gwt to the writing bit on here and can't remember how to spell thw other person's name! i think you HAVE to tell someone about this. if you have this written down that's brave. put it somewhere your family will see it and maybe leave them to read it, maybe they'll understand. i wish you luck, the post doesn't say how old you ard but nobody should have to cope with this alone!

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  • Posted

    Hi indi - sorry to read you are suffering. your friend is right - you need to seek professional help. It is a journey many of us take in this life. As for telling your parents, you can write all this down - or just show them what you have posted here. They cannot understand you if you are not open with them. You may be pleasantly surprised by what happens. In short, you can't carry this burden yourself, especially if you have suicidal ideation. See the doc.

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  • Posted

    please be brave to let your parents know what you feel ...

    and surely you will feel better

    many of us have been bullied and felt deep feeling of inadequacy ... but not telling it to anybody will make it worse ..

    do not worry about death or anything

    fear only one thing ( and that is fear )

    you must beat fear which is within mind by constant telling yourself loudly and silently

    " i am fearless "

    lots of love

    you are potentally brave like any hero .. just this potential is dormant for a while

    those who bully are not humans but beasts

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