What is this that I'm dealing with?

The issues that I’m dealing with all started about 5/6 years ago I would say and seemed to be brought on after a handful of times practicing “injaculating” (holding the thumb over the tip of the penis while ejaculating to stop the semen from exiting the body in order to “retain the “sexual energy” rather than losing it”). However, it was also around this time that I had become EXTREMELY sedentary and my diet basically consisted entirely of frozen dinners, tons of dairy, and other heavily processed/junk foods. It seemed to be directly after one of the times when I injaculated that it felt as though something had dropped down into the anus from somewhere else and I was immediately terrified that I had done some kind of serious damage.

Not long after that I saw a GP who after physically examining me determined that I was suffering from severe constipation and said that I had some marks where hemorrhoids had been. I had a difficult time believing that constipation was the only issue because I felt as though it was somehow related to the injaculating, specifically due to some of the symptoms that I was experiencing. I was given suppositories and an oral medication, neither seemed to help at all. I went back to the same GP and was given more oral medication which again seemed to do nothing. I was then referred to a urologist who after physically examining me also determined all that was wrong with me was severe constipation and I was prescribed more oral medication which I stupidly did not end up taking for one reason or another and I didn’t return for the follow up appointment to get the results of the blood and urine tests either. I do however remember the urologist being entirely convinced that the only issue was constipation and I do remember him saying when he was examining me that my prostate was fine. Between then and now I have tried everything that you can imagine to try to cure constipation on my own.

I do exhibit all of the typical symptoms associated with constipation; straining to go, small hard stools (some of the time), the feeling that everything didn’t come out, belly bloating, having to reach in and manually remove stool etc., But I also experience diarrhea at times as well. Sometimes once I manually remove some of the stool I just can’t stop going after that. Not to mention when I reach in to remove stool it feels very swollen inside as if there in no room for anything to come out, almost like something is collapsed in there. Sometimes when I go it is small hard stools, other times it is like paste or mush, other times it is very thin and narrow, and other times it is semi-normal. Besides that I also have some of the symptoms associated with hemorrhoids; itching and irritation around the anus, the feeling of a lump/swelling near the anus (which may actually be the feeling that is troubling me so much). For a long time during this ordeal I feel like I had fecal leakage even though I haven’t been experiencing that quite as much as of late. I haven’t really had “painful bowel movements” per-say, and I haven’t ever really experienced blood on the toilet paper or in the stool other than a very minor bit here and there.

The main concern that I have is how this is effecting me sexually. That feeling of a “lump” or “pressure” that I have down in the anal region seems to extend to the testicles and there seems to be a feeling of pressure there as well. The urologist that I saw basically told me that it was all in my head and that I was confusing what I was feeling down there, which I’m sure is totally possible. Besides that I just feel as though my erections aren’t as strong as they were before all of this started and it feels as though it is being “pulled down” by that pressure feeling and I feel as though the only way to make the erection completely full is to “push up” in that area. Again, this could all be in my head or me confusing what’s going on down there. Besides that, when I move the penis manually by flexing it up and down, it seems to aggravate whatever that pressure feeling is, and moving it manually like that seems to create an urge to pass gas and I can really feel it in the anal region when moving the penis. I can also really feel it in the anal region when I am urinating, especially when I start/stop.

The wort of all is the fact that when I masterbate just simply stimulating the penis creates a strong urge to pass gas that only gets more severe when I am close to ejaculating and I have accidentally passed gas a few times while ejaculating and sometimes in the earlier stages of the process as well, and also some of the times it has happened, more in the past, a clear and sometimes yellow colored liquid leaked out of the anus. And that is the part that is putting my sex-life on hold. I am so worried about this happening with a real life partner and it would be completely and totally humiliating to say the least. And all of this is also what has led me to believe that the initial cause of all of this had something to do with the injaculating. For a long time I had convinced myself that something was bulging out into the anus because the semen was backed up in there which led to chronic masterbating on my part to try to “empty out” whatever was stuck in there. Besides that the other big concern is the urinary incontinence that I have been dealing with and the fact that I leak into my underwear which would obviously be very unpleasant for a sexual partner who is going to have their face down in that area etc. The urinary leaking seems to happen right after urinating, while exercising, or sometimes just from moving a certain way which is very annoying and discouraging. And the final big concern is the strength of erections and the fear that I will not be able to maintain for the duration of sexual activity due to all of this stuff that’s going on and due to the fact that I masterbated so obsessively for so long to try to fix this issue. All of this is having such a negative effect on my self confidence and is actually putting my life on hold in so many ways. It’s absolutely terrible.

I have completely cleaned up my diet by eliminating most all dairy, getting more fiber, eating more fruits and vegetables, using whole wheat bread, drinking more water, I have started exercising again, going for walks, not sitting or lying down for long periods of time other than when I sleep at night, and I have been using some probiotics and eating probiotic yogurt as well. All of this has seemed to help to some degree but not to the point where I feel comfortable and confident just yet. A few days ago I started using Preparation H wipes and Preparation H ointment which has seemed to help greatly and even though that “feeling” is still down there it has seemed to have improved a bit from using these products.

So what I’m wondering is what exactly the feeling is that seems to be having some sort of effect on my erections etc., is it the constipation and the fact that stool is stuck inside of the anus that is making it feel like things are being “weighed down” down there, or is it instead the lumpy feeling from the hemorrhoids, or has there actually been some kind of damage from the injaculating like I had initially feared? I’m also wondering why if it is in no way related to the injaculating or something to do with the penis, why then does moving the penis and masterbating seem to aggravate it like it does?

I’m also wondering what my course of action should be to deal with this as I have plans to meet up with a new partner for the first time in about a month or so and I want to be feeling confident and prepared. Do I just keep on with the positive changes and keep using the Preparation H products and hope for the best? Do I go back to the original GP that I saw and tell them that I’m still having these issues? It’s not like I can masterbate anymore to try to sort of “test things out” because I need to recharge after masterbating so obsessively for so long and I only have a very short period of time before the meet-up. I also think I would feel much more confident if I had some sort of “aid” in case I have trouble with erections due to all of this stuff that’s going on etc. I do realize that much of this could be mental but I am having a very difficult time with all of it regardless and it’s making my life completely miserable. To make matters worse I have severe social anxiety issues so even mustering up the courage to make an appointment and go to the doctors for an appointment is enough let alone having to try to explain all of this stuff and basically tell them that I want some sort of blue pill as a back-up plan while being only in my early thirties. It’s all going to be very difficult and humiliating for me. That and the fact that there is no way that I can just unload all of this stuff on my new partner, so I do kind of feel bad for keeping this health stuff from them and I feel like if I had the blue pill as a back up that I would have to kind of sneak around about it, too. But I just can’t bring myself to bring this up and try to explain all of it, especially not even having met in person yet.

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated because I am having a very difficult time and feel as though I won’t feel calm and at ease and confident until this is dealt with and time is of the essence.

Thanks a lot in advance.

1 like, 10 replies