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What is up with me?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Dommo
Dommo

Hey, 

First of all, I am 18 years old, and coming up to exam season in sixth form. 

I have been feeling really down and depressed as of late (not suicidal), just always sad and/or angry. I have always been a shy and quiet individual.

Sometimes I have dark thoughts and my mood can change in an instant. A few days back, at school I was happy, having a laugh, doing work etc and someone passed a comment on my voice saying it is fake and that got me angry. So angry that I had to leave the room and I punched the wall on the way out.

My voice is horrible as I speak deep, and monotonous, as I try to not be heard by many. I speak like that because I am not confident.

I have never had the greatest friend life either. When I finally think I have great mates I always seem to get stabbed in the back or just left out. 

With regard to being left out, almost every lunch time at school every single person goes out to the shops or whatever. Not me, I am just never asked by anyone, so I will be alone for around 40 minutes, at school, with no one to talk to.

As it is coming up to exam season we do a lot of revision at school in our free periods, but me, I have been staying at home a few days, as I just work better there and as being at school, seeing everyone all chatting and laughing away brings me down, as I am not a part of it.

Outside of school I rarely go out, I see friends walking past my house or getting picked up by my other friends but not me. I am just ignored. It has been like that for the last 3 years.

I do sometimes go to the gym with my closest friends however as I can’t drive I always rely on people. And people I rely seem to always be busy.

A few times when I do go out, it’s with my closest friends and we go to the pub usually. But again, they always seem to back out of our arrangements.

With regard to family life, I have a great one. My parents and sister (although currently at university) and other family, are like the only friends I can rely on!

And I know mental health and depression have always been in my family as my mom is always very emotional and stresses a lot. Same with my uncle. And when I get left out it resonates a lot with my mom and it brings her down as it used to happen to her. And the pinnacle of depression within my family was the fact that my grandad killed himself because of it. 

Back to my anger issues, whenever I get angry I always feel the need to hit or punch something which I know is bloody stupid but in that moment it feels right. If I get annoyed at someone I still feel the need to punch them, but I don’t as my good nature tells me not to, so I opt for a wall or my other hand. 

Additionally my driving tests have been getting me down. I have taken three and failed three. 2 if them were near perfect, with just one silly error costing me. And again almost everyone in my sixth form has passed so that brings me down too. My most recent test was last week I was physically scratching my forehead out of anger and I when I got home I punched a wheelie bin and almost broke my hand (again).

And as I am writing this today. I haven’t gone into school due to me having a bad day at school yesterday. (I am about the only person who can be alone whilst in a lesson with many others.)

Sorry I know this was long and perhaps not the most fluent and coherent of passages but I think I mentioned about everything I wanted to. 

If anyone sees this and provides any help, thank you in advance.

Dom

1 like, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • jai345
    jai345 Dommo

    Posted

    Everyone feels like this now and again, I’m a 16 year old girl who is also struggling with things like this, possible OCD, intrusive thoughts and the feeling down part, it is normal to feel these kind of feelings as you are being left out which isn’t nice for anyone to experience, don’t let these things bring you down because sometimes it’s only us who have our own back and the love from family, but do try and get out even if it’s on a walk on your own, join somthing with people like a club, football, rugby or anything you like, maybe you could go to your gp they could refer to you a councelling sort of place, but it’s ok to feel this sometimes and your not alone, I wish you the best of luck 
  • jai345
    jai345 Dommo

    Posted

    Oh and just to make this clear i wasnt hinting that you could have OCD that was more about my experience but what im trying to say is people have these sorts of feelings all sorts of feelings which are actually normal, good luck smile
    • Dommo
      Dommo jai345

      Posted

      Hey Jai,

      I really do appreciate the response and the advise you have suggested.

      Thank you. smile

  • borderriever
    borderriever Dommo

    Posted

    Dommo

    You need to control your anger, talk to your GP, you need Anger management

    I do not know where you live on this world,  In the UK I passed my driving test on the fourth attempt, that took me about seven months and like you I was at College.. Even when I passed, it took a further twelve months before I was allowed to drive at work, a further two years before my first car. I have been driving now for over fifty years.

    So do not worry you will eventually get through. Many people have problems passing their test and on occasions most of those are the better driver.

    I drive a new Adapted car full of electronics to help me reverse and take over various driving chores, the car is also adapted with various other bits and pieces to help me get in and out. I feel in the near future the cars will drive themselves and you will most probably not need a driving test

    BOB

    • Dommo
      Dommo borderriever

      Posted

      Cheers for the response. I may go and see my gp then. 

      After a quick search online to do with anger, I think I may have “Intermittent Explosive Disorder”.

      Anyway, thank you for the advice.

  • callum151100
    callum151100 Dommo

    Posted

    Dommo,

    I think IED is a worthy avenue to pursue. If it is the case, road to recovery will be long and strenuous but totally worth it. In the meantime, if you feel your blood starting to boil, just remove yourself from the situation before it gets out of hand. I would definitely recommend going to the GP as it's hard to find specialist help for IED; the only help that is relatively stress-free to find is anxiety and depression help because it's very general, but the people who help with anxiety and depression aren't particularly trained in anger management. 

    Because of the combination of issues that you seem to be facing, it would seem that immediate treatment may be required - especially since the depression runs in the family and you've even lost a family member because of it. NICE say that a combination of anti-depressants and a talking therapy (anger management will be included in this) works best for people whose depression is powered by genetics. The anti-depressants should take the edge off while you wait to access a talking therapy (depending on where you live, waiting lists might be up to a year) and when you access the talking therapy, you should start to notice you're more able to cope. 

    Unfortunately, due to the state of mental health help in the UK, I can't see much happening before your exams - even if prescribed an anti-depressant, the effects could take up to six weeks to be felt, so your best bet is to seek help, power through the exams and then continue seeking help. 

    Just know you're not alone - I am very much in the same boat as you. smile

    • Dommo
      Dommo callum151100

      Posted

      Thanks for that post Callum. You are very glued up in this area, it seems.

      I do appreciate it. Cheers.

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