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So here is the thing... I don’t even know where to start...
I feel like this is a phase and it will pass, but for some reason it is not. I am starting to feel like I need help, but I am too embarrassed to ask. If I went to see my GP, I just feel like I would be wasting his/her time and he would just say that I am delusional (in a much nicer way, of course).
So for the past year and a half I have been feeling pretty down. 1.5 year ago was when I started University, I feel like this has a lot to do with my depression (or whatever this is). I am a mature student (still pretty young) and my University is about an hour drive. The driving also brings me a lot of anxiety. I still haven’t connected with anyone on my course and I seem to be avoiding people, I prefer to be alone and I just want everyone to leave me alone. I have become very awkward and although I have always been an introvert I feel like it has become extreme. My speech has become weird, I cannot say what I want to because I just start jumping over words, I mess my sentences up and make no sense.
My family have noticed that I have become very anxious about everything and anything. I just wish I could control myself and become my old self. I don’t enjoy the things I used to... I used to love going out just to dance all night, now I can’t imagine going out now. My self-esteem has also become very low, I don’t want to go out, I don’t want people to see me. I hate public places and encounters. I just feel like I have nothing in common with anyone else. I don’t even enjoy talking to my family on the phone anymore. I feel like nobody enjoys being around me and everyone is against me. I rarely see anyone else but my husband and child.
I am so confused. I don’t know if this is depression or if it is just the person that I have become.
Reading all of this over just makes me want tell myself to suck it up and stop feeling sorry for myself.
Does anyone else feel this way or am I just some freak?
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