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What's wrong with me?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Mumof4
Mumof4

Hi, I'm new to the forum and I seriously need some help/advice

I'm 37, married mum of 4, I'm happy in my life but deal with a crazyo head, I have some pretty crappy things in the past but it would take to long to go into, and I'm not sure which if any causes me to be the way I am.

In the past 5yrs or so, I have become a shell of my former, confident self, I don't know what to 'label' myself with suffering from anxiety bipolar etc etc?? I will give examples of what I have become.

1 I cannot watch TV programmes, films, where someone commits a crime or has an affair etc, as I blame myself that it's happened and that the people in the story line are upset because of me, rationally I know it's not, but the emotion that builds up inside me is that of someone who did something wrong. 

2 I have terrible catastrophic thinking - if my husband is late home, I have created a whole scenario in my head, from the crash to the police coming to tell me he is dead, i have ones about my children as well and when I come out of the almost trance like state of the senario, I'm so emotional, in tears I have been known to vomit, given myself a headache or panic attack, it's like it has actually happened and it takes a few minutes to realise it didn't happen, I have just found a lump on my breast (due at the docs thursday) and I have created my funeral, how my kids will feel etc etc.

3 I was folding washing a few weeks ago, and on my sofa I placed, my eldest son, youngest son, mine, my husband and my 9 month old daughter clothes on the sofa , my middle sons clothes were on the coffee table next to the sofa, as they wouldn't all fit, I got myself so upset thinking that if he came in and saw his clothes by themselves that he would think I hated him and I was leaving him out, so I moved my clothes next to him, pathetic I know

4 I'm constantly stuck in the middle of relationships -  I have 4 brothers and a sister she is the oldest we all have different mums and dads and they all hate each other but I get on with them all, which means I listen to all the moaning, and I feel so weak that I never tell them to leave me out of the drama and so I come away emotional and tired blaming myself for the upset in their lives, my fiends are no different, one of them in particular who I have been friends with for 15yrs. This makes me not want to go out to their houses, meet up with them, or them come here  I'm always making excuses to stop people coming to my house.

I have loads more that I could share but this is a taster of me, what the heck is wrong with me I'm such a nervous person now and can't live normally.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Ps I suffer from Thyroid disease, treated, and I have in the past been on Citalapran (didn't help)

 

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • VCSL2015
    VCSL2015 Mumof4

    Posted

    Okay I am not a doctor. I am not judging you. Welcome to the forum where you can reach out to others for support or suggestions.  Now, what you describe sounds like bipolar disorder. Depression plus you get those thoughts where you start identifying with people on Tv is very common.  Also you name some symptoms of anxiety over things that shouldnt be an issue like order in sorting clothes. Many people get anxiety you should talk to your dr about it.
  • amy63708
    amy63708 Mumof4

    Posted

    Like the previous commentor, you need to talk to your GP. Hell, print of your description above and show them that if talking is hard.

    It sounds like you do a lot for others. Taking steps to seek help is the first step towards self-care and compassion, which you sound like you need. Take it easy on yourself and don't be afraid to ask for what you need.

    Good luck.

  • SkyeBeth
    SkyeBeth Mumof4

    Posted

    I am a 37 year old Mother as well and I can kind of relate to what you are saying.  I've been suffering with anxiety for the last three years and I know certain things can be triggers.  The news is a big one.  With all the natural disasters and terroist attacks happening of late I start panicking about what would I do if I got trapped in one of those situations with my special needs daughter.  I also cannot watch horror or anything with graphic violence, I have stopped watching a lot of the crime shows I used to love.  I also have some rituals I must follow.  One is when I put my daughter on the bus in the morning I always give her a kiss, tell her I love her and will see her in the afternoon.  One day I got distracted by talking to the bus driver and forgot to do this until it was too late and the bus was already pulling away.  All day I was worrying about what if something happened to her and I didn't get to tell her I loved her for the last time.  These are just examples to show you are not alone in your thinking.  
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