Posted , 4 users are following.
hello there, my husband has been drinking a bottle of whisky a day, for the past couple years he got help once, was told by his GP not to cut it out altogether,and now we're back to square one.
2 likes, 6 replies
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Misssy2 lisab1963
Posted
You really can't do a thing
All you can SAY is....how much his drinking disturbs you.
AND How badly his drinking is affecting your marriage.
You can explain the fact that you had to seek out RANDOM strangers to talk to because HE is NOT PRESENT.
All of this may or may not help push him to get help. If he still refuses to get help and you can not live with him in this condition than all you can DO is....issue an ultimatium....Like "If you refuse to get help by such and such a date...I am leaving"...BUT...if you do that you really have to leave.
People with this condition (which I have had for years) can not quit FOR their families, wives, children, grandmothers, cousins, friends...etc.
They USUALLY will only quit when either their world comes crashing down around them (losing family, friends, jobs and health) or they end up in jail or dead. I DONT KNOW WHY....BUT...my sons crying begging me to quit did not impact me enough to be ABLE to stop....for years...and years.
For me...it wasn't until I was losing my health. However, for me I had lost "control" of my children long before my drinking escalated...so I truly didn't feel connected and when they cried for me to quit it wasn't painful enough?
I don't know if you threatening to leave your husband is going to work.....but leaving him may.....it doesn't mean he doesn't love you...I LOVED my kids...but I thought if THEY loved ME...they would forgive any drinking I was doing.
I never saw my drinking as THAT BAD......I really thought it was THEIR problem because I worked...paid all the bills...got everyone to games.....cooked...cleaned....etc....so I was like - Come on!
If my X had left me...I would have had to stop to take care of my children. Everyone enabled me for years....because they "loved" me too much...almost to DEATH.
This is more about what YOU have to do to ensure your life is safe and happy....because you can not control or stop his drinking
You can only ASK that he stop...give ultimatums and stand by your word.
Again, if your not ready to give an ultimatium...do NOT...
lisab1963 Misssy2
Posted
Thank you for your reply Missy2, I got with my husband about 10 years ago who I met on the Internet, he's always been a drinker, but mainly red wine, anyhow, it's been over the past let's say 3 years or so, that's he's decided whisky is better than wine! My main concern is that he's insists on picking me up from work while he's been drinking when I'm on late night, even though I've told him several times not to, it's got to the
stage where I tell him I've already a lift home when I haven't. Cos he won't listen when I explain the reasons why it's pathetic also he's topping the bottle up to where it was when I left and he's drunk when I get home, and tries to pretend he's not how Ridiculous is that?
Misssy2 lisab1963
Posted
yes, I wouldn't be so sure either that the bottle you think he is topping off is not a NEW bottle.
Why don't you take the car? Then he can't drive drunk and then he can't get more liquor either.
I'm sorry that you are going thru this...I am sorry I put any of my family thru this....this condition is very difficult to beat and vey difficult to live with
lisab1963 Misssy2
Posted
Thank you once again, for your reply! Thing is I can't take the car, we both work full time, he happens to work 9 till 5, and I work late evenings and Saturdays too, I don't drive and even if he doesn't use the car there's a shop close by, what he needs are firm words beginning to think I'm a carer. Thing is....I don't know why but yesterday I went to visit my son and spoke to him about it, there are things I can do like speak to my employer about possibly changing my hours so I finish earlier if there are buses home then he tends not to come get me. (Which puts my mind at rest) yesterday for some strange reason he never drunk at all, and today he had 1 I told him earlier that he can talk to me about anything at anytime and he did give me a cuddle not sure why though, I take it from the way you type that your not in the uk?
Misssy2 lisab1963
Posted
Hmm..maybe he is realizing his drinking habits, I hope so..
What would you change your hours to? Maybe that would be good for the relationship and lower his drinking.
ADEfree lisab1963
Posted
Lisa, there's a lot about the traditional approach to Alcohol Use Disorder that leaves room for improvement and fortunately there are some very effective options. I used a method that involves an out of patent drug that's fairly inexpensive and it worked quite well for me. I didn't have to stop drinking at the outset, as it actually uses the booze against itself. From the day I started the method, the progressive nature of the disorder reversed it's course and my drinking levels started falling. It took a bit over 5 months, but the compulsion to drink seems to be gone. I have a six-pack of beer sitting in the refrigerator, it's been there for over a month (and I most always would drink at home, alone). Here's an article on it on Patient:
https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder
That being said, many physicians in the UK don't know of this treatment, nor do many of the care workers at the local alcohol charity. You might check to see if you have a PCAT in your area that has some knowledge of it:
https://patient.info/forums/discuss/nhs-primary-care-alcohol-teams-512652
They may know of other medications that can help as well. I'm in the US, but let me know if you'd like more info on this, I'd be glad to tell you what I know. Feel free to PM me if you'd like.