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Hi, completely new to this as i feel I'm running out of people to turn too.
I've suffered with severe depression on and off for 5 years now, I'm only 23 it's something I feel il have all of my life and I've recently starting having counselling (for the 4th time) to help me deal with life in general.
My depression at the moment is mainly caused by coping with my job as well as my personal life. I work as a site manager and have 120 underneath me, the environment is constant and the atmosphere and morale is extremely low due to the nature of the work, what makes it worse is my boss, they have known me for a long time and used to work with my mum so they know a lot about my childhood. They often make comments (which I feel are inappropriate) in front of my staff, an example would be "she used to have an setting disorder when she was younger, caused her mother hell"
I'm sure she doesn't mean to be out of line she just doesn't think although recently I feel the way she has treated me has been unacceptable. She will often set unrealistic goals, and often snap at me if something has gone wrong (out of my control) however my two peers don't seem to get the same treatment, recently I was accused of spreading rumours about our company however it turned to be someone stirring things, I was threatened of suspension before I could say a word and my boss made me stay in a room not able to speak to anyone for hours whilst she travelled to our site.
She has received a lot of bad feedback from her boss recently about HER OWN performance however she has said that I am on the same journey as her meaning I was underrated for my half year performance review, I have received no coaching, support or monthly 121s and every time I asked how I was performing I was always told really well, so it came as a big surprise when that happened,
over the last few months i have been working on a high profile project and ie received some amazing feedback however I'm now at the point where I trust no-one and feel extremely anxious every time I go into the building. I've gone from a confident manager to an emotional wreck,
Outside of work I'm currently being investigated for 3 health issues which has involved two operations and a lot of worry and pain, my dads on trial for assault and could well face prison, I've had quite a rocky past including bullying, rape, ,miscarried and witnessed constant violence from my dad. and I feel I have hot rock bottom now with no-one to turn too.
When I told my boss about the rape (to help her understand why I was quiet and feeling down) she said you have to look at other people too, there's people dying of cancer etc
My granddad died of cancer last year and I wouldn't wish it on anyone but I just felt like she was telling me to shut up and not make a big deal out of it. .
My mum took me to see the GP last week who offered to sign me off indefinitely while I look for another job, I'm just so worried about letting my team down as I know they will have no support if I leave.
I feel like I need so,some to guide me and tell me what to do, if I, honest with myself then I know d be a lot happier away from work and I have already looked and applied for other jobs.
I'd really value someone else's advice....
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