What should I do when my boyfriend doesn't understand depression?
Posted , 5 users are following.
My boyfriend and I have started living together a month ago. Things are very serious between us and he is a great guy. However, he doesn't understand my depression sometimes and wish he was more supportive. We recently moved to a different state and I am having trouble adjusting. I had a job, which I didn't like and was so unhappy there, so yesterday I quit. The manager asked me why I wanted to quit and I said because it's the wrong job for me. He kept asking if something happened at work that caused me to work and I said no, and after he asked several times, I broke down and cried (over the phone.) My boyfriend doesn't understand why I would cry and think it is unprofessional. He said I needed to be strong and have confidence and how he's never seen another girl cry at work. He doesn't understand I didn't even want to cry or break down, but I did. And it hurt me because I felt like he is saying I am a weak person.
I just wish he would get it. Sometimes he tells me to be strong or not let things bother me. He doesn't understand it is not always under my control. He even admits he doesn't understand my depression, and asked me if he could see some records or a doctor's note explaining what causes it.
2 likes, 4 replies
carmela45627 Caligirl4ever
Posted
Have you seen a dr or therapist or professional ?
You may want to find a professional and get help on your own.
You can do this! You can get help and let your boyfriend do the research so that he may become educated regarding this matter. That way he will be able to support you.
You can always come here to talk and vent. We understand what you are going through.
We will listen and not judge and try to guide you in the right direction.
borderriever Caligirl4ever
Posted
You are in the States
Look up Mental Health on the internet and you will get your explanation there ask Him to read it
BOB
wayne1962 Caligirl4ever
Posted
Hi Caligirl4ever - sorry to read you are suffering. The boyfriend admits he is ignorant about depression but chooses to demean you rather than educate himself. I think we can all empathise with how that makes you feel - but remember it's not your fault. People choose to be stoopid and they can very easily unchoose it. One thing you can do is leave the odd pamphlet or page with info on depression lying carelessly around the house. eventually he will pick it up and read. One thing bothering me is whether you should have given up that job? Being involved and even distracted can be beneficial to our state of mind. It sounds like the boss cared and wanted you around...
chris39129 Caligirl4ever
Posted
This is just one suggestion, one point of view, but what about, for one week, you both did what the other suggested. So you do a deal.
He- makes an effort to understand how depression affects you, shows more support and willingness to listen.
You- make an effort to (and this may sound flagrant), be more resilient. There is more to life than just being tough, or not tough!! Resilience is about, rolling with the punches, not fighting back, feeling bad, or wondering why the punches came, or feeling bad about the punches.
Lao Tzu, a great chinese philosopher, explains resilience nicely : look at a blade of grass compared to a great tree. The tree is so much larger, so much stronger. Yet, what happens when a violent storm comes? The tree gets uprooted, while the grass is unaffected. This is because the grass is supple, and bends with the winds. It does not resist.
You need to be like the blade of grass in the storm. This isn't easy to learn and takes time, but there a fun ways to apply it every day, and it will get easier. This will also help when you have days that depression feels biting. I've been there so I know.
Kind regards
Chris