What to say

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I got one for ya...my father's 3rd wife is battling breast cancer for the past 3 years. We aren't exactly close. When I saw her this past summer she told me she wished she had what I had. That what I was going through was easier. I really didn't know what to say to that. I told her I'm not outta the woods yet. Of course I feel terrible about what she is going through. She was surgical nurse. She sees me as weak. I just don't know what the response should be. Weird...I really don't like my relatives. Wish I could divorce them.

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  • Posted

    She does not seem to understand that this is not a competition about who has it the worst. You can discuss whether having a potentially deadly disease is worse than having one that bombs the quality out of your life, but is the point of that?

    Her saying you are weak shows her own weakness and lack of knowledge of what she talks about.

    You can in fact divorce your relatives. A number of people with this disease has to do exactly that. Energy is heavily rationed, and you cannot afford to waste energy on people who does not want to know, and drains you because of that.

    If you do want to see her again, the only advice I could give would be to understand that she is under pressure and make allowances for that, in the understanding that this is about her, not you.

    Good luck with it all.

     

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    • Posted

      I agree with your comments. She is under a great deal of stress I understand. I'm not personalizing it as much as it was odd. I've heard enough weird ass comments through the years. Well I was lost for words and that never happenssmile! And yes I have kicked all the extended family to the curb and there was a number of them. It was either me or them. I'm at peace with that. Every once and awhile I get a sharp quilt pain in regards to my mother. But then I remember who they are. Can't pick your family...who would in the first place. I have a mushy brain today hope I made sense.

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  • Posted

    Interesting question that I’m sure everyone would handle differently. In response to her saying she wish she had what you had, I would respond....”I wish I could take that cancer from you so you could be healthy”.  Always take the high road. Love your family, pick your friends.
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  • Posted

    refer her to the current research showing this to be an illness research shows inflammation markers and mitochondrial damage in terms of metabolism. the latter shows a bias away from sugars to amino acids (men) and fatty acids (women) diet shifts to include that have shown improvements (note improvement not cure)eps in view of brain fog. Antihistamines do also show and improvement effect though of course their side effects don't really help. However a person showing such lack of empathy become s very hard to want to be supportive of or indeed "worth the effort" in discussing your onw condition with.  ask her how she would like to cope with the feeling of flu / glandular fever every day... but then cancer also has such a huge impact and the life limiting threat i would imagine would make some people much more selfish and misguided with their own reactions. Not an easy situation to try and manage......... all good wishes... 

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    • Posted

      Thanks for your feedback. It was just very odd. She is a retired surgery nurse. She has been married for 16 years to my father. They have 3 homes 2 in my state. We have only been to their homes 4 times. I've only meant one of her kids. So not real close. However she is battling for her life. I read people well I did it for a living...it's like she's p****d at me. It's just to weird. Too weird. I don't try to explain anything anymore to that side. Waste of my time. And I do take the high road...I embrace those who are embraceable. I have diagnosed narcissist for a mother. Four out of six kids are narcissist. And other suffers from severe Asperger's. No one has had a relationship with the other since 1979. Then there's me who tried to find something positive with this group. It ended for good last October when we had a tragic death and their response was one for the books. There are no words. And I'm not shy or am I ever short on words.

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