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Whats your thoughts, Please

Posted , 5 users are following.

nick21824
nick21824

I dont know if Im being silly or selfish, or just not willing to face reality. Im in my 40s living in Ireland 20 years, originally from the UK where my family still live. while I live here with my wife and kids 19 year old at college and a 12 year old due to start secondary school September. My dilema is that Im currently on meds for depression the last few months and realise how much I miss my family, Mum, Dad, Brother. The fact that I cannot just call round to them when I need to. I suggested moving back, to the UK to my wife who said it,s not possible untill the kids are finished with school/college, plus I,d be taking them away from there friends and school/college not to mention starting anew in the UK and the anxiety it would cause hoping that they settle in new surroundings. Plus we have a mortgage and being in the building industry work is still slow here, so no funds either. I know the depression is creating this situation, but when your low you need your family close by. Dont get me wrong My wife is a god send and Im blessed with the kids

I know logically I have to put my kids first and foremost and I would not want to do anything that would hurt them in the future. I know my family love me and I love them, should it matter that we live 300 miles apart. 

Your thoughts Please

 

4 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • tiswas24537
    tiswas24537 nick21824

    Posted

    how much would it cost to come for a holiday to visit your family ,

    i know its not the same ,but if you could do that once a year maybe it would ease 

    the lonelness . are they tech do you  speak via tha internet on skype .

    although not perfect solution it would help .ease the situation .smile

    • georgeGG
      georgeGG tiswas24537

      Posted

      Yes Skype really helps. We have family in Hong Kong and in Hugary. We have a regular time to call each. We use the phone to co-ordinate when needed, only short calls. then we have lovely video chats. It is really worth the effort. You don't feel so far away when you see them talking and smiling. 

      The holiday idea is great. Family visits are worth more than holidays in the sun. So we have found. They are a source of great family memories too for all the family.

      Wishing you a happy resolution to your family-loneliness 

  • archemedes
    archemedes nick21824

    Posted

    The first answer is a simple and one which maybe has already ocurred to you.

    The miles away from our families can seem like nothing all when we use Skype.

    It is completely free for video calls and is an absolute godsend.

    As for the depression, it happens to so many of us when we least expect it, as it happened to me.

    I am now over 70 and I have put all that behind me, but while I was in that dark deep black hole I found it a horrible experience, as it must be for you.

    The secret of recovery is never to expect too much of yourself, and to slowly take one step at a time.

    A day will be reached when the black clouds disappear, and you will be able to look back proudly and know that you have come out from that darkness on your own.

    It does happen, and it will happen to you - so believe it.

    Best wishes to you and your family.

    • archemedes
      archemedes nick21824

      Posted

      They have been in the past, 2236 miles away to be exact, and thats why I understand how difficult it must be for you.
  • millyimp_1322
    millyimp_1322 nick21824

    Posted

    archemedes »nick21824 • about 7 hours agoThe first answer is a simple and one which maybe has already ocurred to you.

    The miles away from our families can seem like nothing all when we use Skype.

    It is completely free for video calls and is an absolute godsend.

    As for the depression, it happens to so many of us when we least expect it, as it happened to me.

    I am now over 70 and I have put all that behind me, but while I was in that dark deep black hole I found it a horrible experience, as it must be for you.

    The secret of recovery is never to expect too much of yourself, and to slowly take one step at a time.

    A day will be reached when the black clouds disappear, and you will be able to look back proudly and know that you have come out from that darkness on your own.

    It does happen, and it will happen to you - so believe it.

    Best wishes to you and your family.

    I would add to that Nick, you are not silly and you are not selfish.

    I too feel selfish ,and also guilty,even though I know I have done nothing to feel either about .Knowing this does not stop me feeling it .My lovely husband bless him does try to understand  ,however no one can fully understand unless they have got it ,themselves.

    I do hope this is of some help and some comfort to you

    Take Care

    millyimp1322

     

    • nick21824
      nick21824 millyimp_1322

      Posted

      The fact that I know im ill and coming through it gives me some comfort, and you should too, most people with depression dont know and treat themselve with drink or drugs. I am convinced that people who drink every night are trying to escape from themselves not knowing they are ill

       

  • nick21824
    nick21824

    Posted

    Thank you for your comments, we have a trip planned to the Uk at easter for 2 weeks and hope to sort out Skype for my parents while there, purely because of my situation, we cannot really aford it but need to get over there . I dont know what it will be like when it,s time to leave, that said I intend to relish every minute we are there. We normally would meet for hols twice a year or so, but only twice in the last 2 years. I know people go a lot longer between family visits and being ill make the situation worse

     

    • Digsby
      Digsby nick21824

      Posted

      Hi Nick,

      Really pleased to hear that you have booked a holiday to see family and that you explore Skype as an option - it really is an amazing technology!

      Looking after your family is a loving and rewarding act of devotion. You haven't brought this depression on yourself and it is not selfish to take the time that you need to look after yourself - it will benefit your family and friends in the long run. How about writing your feelings down and keeping in touch with family members abroad the old-fashioned way (as well as internet, phone calls, etc). The art of letter-writing is dying out sadly but there's nothing that says "I love you" more than taking the time and effort to put pen to paper. Perhaps spending more quality time with your wife and sons will help boost your mood (I'm not suggesting you are neglecting them now!) Depression often sends us into seeking a safe place, somewhere we feel a sense of belonging and comfort. Have you built up a network of friends in Ireland? Are you anxious about your family in England growing older without you? It's possible that some counselling might help you to explore the root of this "home-sickness". Please keep us informed how you get on.

      Good luck, Digsby

    • tiswas24537
      tiswas24537 Digsby

      Posted

      i am not much for technology but skype must be a godsend for parted familes .esp when on the other side of the world .razz
    • nick21824
      nick21824 Digsby

      Posted

      I never really made friends here, I did have some work mates however lost touch during the down turn, A big drinking culture here so the pub is the best meeting place, not my thing. I do hope to join a cycling club soon. I not putting any pressure on myself at the moment work wise, roll on easter

      Thank you, i will keep you posted 

  • Flowerlady
    Flowerlady nick21824

    Posted

    Set up a Skype account, you will see and chat to them for free
    • nick21824
      nick21824 Flowerlady

      Posted

      In the process of getting my brother to set up skype, so hopefully will have it sorted soon, he aint the most tec savvy either, and 3 small kids to look after, so getting time is also a problem 
    • archemedes
      archemedes nick21824

      Posted

      As I originally said, I think a regular Skype video call will make a big difference. I would not be without it.
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