When IVF becomes your only option

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I’ve spent a majority of my day in tears. I found out today that my after 2 years of every month trying, and my 4th IUI, it was a failure again. The nurse sat down and talked to me openly and said “I think you know where your next step is leading”. I’ve done everything possible to get pregnant, all the medications, surgeries, prayers. Nothing is working. No one can give me answers.

It would be great if IVF was affordable to people in America like me, who work full time, have a mortgage, bills, student loans but it’s not. The cost to have a child through IVF is almost unattainable without taking out a loan to put myself more in debt. I’ve applied for a grant through the state I live in but I’m sure it’s a long shot to get. Why does IVF have to be so expensive?!

I spent an hour locked in the bathroom hiding from my husband crying so he couldn’t see my sadness. The tears wouldn’t stop. I feel like a failure as a wife that I can’t do this, i should be able to get pregnant and I can’t. I’m scared that it has come to this for me. I was told I can keep trying IUI and much as I want but why do I keep doing something that clearly isn’t working. I never thought I would find myself in the position. I’m sad, I’m scared and feeling hopeless.

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    I am so sorry. I think this moment may be coming for us soon too. I totally get that feeling. IVF is insanely expensive and it should be covered by insurance. It is ridiculous that it isn't. I hope you get the funding.

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  • Posted

    I am so sorry for what you going through, but you are not alone. I know how scared, disappointed and upset you are. There is no words that can describe emotions you must have at this time.

    When I went to my OB I was told that there is no point for me to do IUI or medicated TI cuz the chances they were giving me were too slim and I was told not to waste my time and do IVF. I am not a success story yet, still working on it, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I am sure there is a way to help your situation. I don't know where you located, but have you checked other countries, there are some which are much more affordable then US. I know we would never be able to afford it here, which is very sad, so we had to go to another country and 3-4 cycles there would be equal to 1 cycle in the states price wise.

    Check Greece, Cyprus, Mexico, Ukraine ...

    All the best to you in this difficult journey! Keep your chin up, it will work out one way or another.

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  • Posted

    thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry to hear your going through the same thing. I have not thought about looking outside the US, (I’m in NY) as this is all very new to me to come to terms with. I keep trying to tell myself maybe it will just happen on its own but I’m trying to be realistic as well. Wishing you the best on your journey 😊

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    • Posted

      yep abroad is actually got some really great clinics.. Ukraine is the number 1 ivf place and the price is insanely cheap compared to USA. you can work with clinics to get all your testing and pre work done here and then keep the trip to the shortest period of 7-10 days, depending if you are doing a fresh transfer or frozen.

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  • Posted

    hi I'm so sorry your going through this I know this all too well. I was told I could no longer conceive naturally over 10 years ago. I couldn't get funding as it was strict where I live and at the time we could not afford the ivf. i know it was cheaper abroad but I really didnt want to go abroad but know plenty of people who have. we spent alot of time paying of debts which made it harder to save money but we saved a little bit. once our debts were paid off we applied for a smaller loan and put what we saved towards it. it was hard, stressful upsetting but after 10 years of coming to terms with it, paying off debts, saving and looking at clinics we finally started our treatment and I know have a healthy 4 year old. so please dont give up. I know at the moment nothing seems possible but believe me when you do get to that point it will all be worth it. your not a bad wife and this is not your fault! I spent years blaming myself and my body, I couldn't be anywhere near pregnant women or newborns I hated it! I ended up seen a councillor which really helped me come to terms with the fact that it was my fault. hopefully you can get the funding but in the mean time do some research on clinics ect and most importantly be kind to yourself.

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