where do i go from here

I dont think that was a very sensitive thing to have said to you - but maybe he was just pointing facts out - I dont know , [b:fde47fa465]I agree with you though, such things should not be pushed, he should not even attempt to try you in that direction - or even, test you out[/b:fde47fa465] Definately write a complaint about him. Was he for real?????? Chin up Danielle and try and take your mind of those thoughts.

:roll:

Dear Danielle,

I must express my amazement at the insensitive attitude taken by the CPN you spoke to. It's the first time I have ever heard such a statement by such an individual.

Be assurred that the CPN's attitude was a 'one-off' and that the Mental Health Service does not support such a view.

Your life, and the safeguarding of it, is a prime goal of all Carers.

How are you feeling yourself right now? It's one thing to be justly angry about poor attitudes, but are you still feeling suicidal? Keep in touch with your Doctor and Psychiatrist, try not to get too angry, but explain to them how you are feeling, and why.

Keep in touch with this forum, it's been going long enough now for you to know that there are a lot of peope aroung who have some understanding of your predicament.

Best wishes for now,

Stephen

Hi Danielle, It me again !!!!

How are you ?

Just had a session with my cpn and a student visitor. They gave me 6 weeks, to go to some stress/anxiety group. Trouble is , its on at night and I feel I have enough on my plate without adding to it. I feel I am not being heard. The thoughts that spin round my head are not healthy to write here considering others welfare.

I simply cant get it together. I depserately ant to . My little girl hugs me tight and puts the fight back into me, and then I et really so upset for having these sole destroying thoughts. EWhen they are not around, I it just all starts over. If my own mother tells me I have issues, my partner, my sister , my stepmum, , then its me, If I self harm and I am that selfish to do so, then it is me that is at fault. If I have a drink at night, and feel rubbish the next day, then I ll just face the consequences.

I feel no one is helping, Myabe is I just need to calm down after it all, but nothing is working for me, and if this carries on for much longer , there is no saying but tomorrow will not exist. I wouldnt even bother with a ceremony , just a bloody match. Its okay insured the belongings.

He can have the lot, He has done enough damage t me, knocked the life out of me. but then again I am such a mental case that I drank him dry :lol: :lol: :lol: (Oh god I do come out with them) mind you if he asks me to get him beer again as the footbal is on Ill ffo with his fiver :lol: to the pub. Might as well , allready have a reputation to live up to. Why is it the only mutitask a man can di is either drinking cans in front of the football, or cup of teas with paper?

Nothing is helping. No one is helping, I cant do this myself. So just forget it please.

Not to bad today, had good cry last night and had a good talk to my hubby. Its so frustrating that the anxiety seems to have taken over my life, people think that because you look ok then you must be. I feel like a swan calm on the outside but paddleing like mad underneath.

Psychiatrist has finished seeing me, last visit last wednesday, told me to continue with medication and the cbt course Im on will help with the social phobia and anxiety, I dont have depression, its the anxiety that stops me doing the things I want that gets me down. I cannot even go to the hairdressers, I shop out of town so that I will not meet anyone that knows me, jump out of skin if the phone rings or the doorbell goes.

You see I know what my problem is, I go all red and blotchy, my neck looks like a bottle of red ink has been thrown over me and Im very self-concious of it.

On monday will be my 5th session with cbt and with all my heart I hope it works. Its been 12 month now since I first went to my dr with this problem, fed up been dozed up on medication that just takes the edge of things just to get through the day.

Thanks for your replys, if anyone has any positives about cbt I would love to hear them.

Best Wishes

Danielle.

Hi Danielle, thats good that you know your problem, I am so tired, everytime I eat I have to sleep. But if o sleep now, I want be able to sleep tonight. And like you, my neck has gone itchy and blotchy.

Its strange the way things happen. I was ready to do me in, walking the streets with my lump in my throat the size of a melon. Thinking, no one could ever understand and I am in such a ////// situation and how could anyone mess up their llife so badly!????!!! Then, I met a really good friend , or rather a person I used to be really good friends with, I had not seen her in about 6 years and nearly did not recognise her. And there she was, stopped and chatted to me, She remebered me and what I was like at Uni and school and so on, and theres me ranting on , and her ranting on about stories from the past .....and its funny, she gave me the best advice possible. hopefully , if i follow her help, as she suggested, I will get better. This frined of mine used to go to uni in the same city as me, and we used to meet for chats , coffees and drinks, We also went to the same high school. Its just so strange - but its given me hope and that things will just change.

So whilst I chat to my cat about my issues and cuddle my children to make them feel loved and to give me some strength, I am living in the hope that I will do this next thing. In the meantime, I am just going to ignore ignore ignore his patter and behaviour. he knows what ive been saying to him all this time, He knows exactly how I feel about this situation , so why he is still here ?I will never know. And if he was heree just to prove his love for me. thats sadly a mistake...You would let those that you love be happy?????? Perhaps he just loves his children. I dont know, its beyond my ability to understand relationships. effortless me cant hold one down, so in the meantime Ill just forget it.

Okay, that was a rant, Danielle, apologies to you and my silly outburst. I am glad you are feeling a bit better and hope you keep it going.

Take care of you.

Hi Danielle, all,

Seems no-one's having a good day today. Tomorrow is another one though so keep the faith.

I guess now you understand my alias, taken from a band who's lines include 'I laughed out loudly while I cried inside' - I feel like this all the time.

My psychotherapist tried this on me once re 'I can't stop you killing yourself'. I thought about it a lot and realised that she was only talking sense, not to goad or probe, just telling it like it is. It's a distressing thought which made me realise that what's within is who you are, not all the fake bullshit we have to front up to the world. So please don't feel too bad, you're certainly not alone here. We're all searching for something to live for.

I hope this brings you some comfort and that you'll realise that there are an awful lot of us out there sharing your pain in our own way. Even the happy-clappy brigade don't have it all.

Best,

Silent..