Where have I gone?

Posted , 4 users are following.

been on opiates for 12 years. Now taking 12-14 dihydrocodeines a day plus 6-8 co codamols and sometimes ephedra to help with very low motivation . I have a busy house to run with pets and children and so I don't have time to sit around with head in hands ( I find myself doing this any ways)  even though I'm supposed to be busy. I just wanted to talk to others in same boat really to see how they go about things.   Thankyou for any replies.

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  • Posted

    Hi Angie

    I was taking codeine for 5 years. Like you I had an extremely busy life, I was a single mum and to keep things together (well keep me together) I kept upping my dose so eventually I was on 1200 mg codeine plus 30-60 mg of diazepam.

    I went in to a private rehab in August my daughter was 16 and I had just got married and promised my partner I would stop after the honeymoon.

    We could only afford 2 weeks which cost us 9k - had I of been able to stay for 8-12 weeks I have no doubt I'd be clean now.

    I had to turn to the NHS. They started me on subutex and diazepam and begun reducing slowly. I was doing okay until something else went wrong - my husband told me he was transgender.

    I have no family my mum who was my best friend died nearly 6 years ago.

    It's hard but I'm still going - on 4mg of sub and 14 mg of diazepam now - work have been holding my job open but I don't know how much longer they will.

    I'm struggling mostly with depression but I've suffered since 13 so others don't have to fight the mental battle so hard, although anyone who has been taking opiates for a long time will need to let their brain chemistry recover.

    Can you talk to your GP about tapering slowly off them? It really is the best way especially if you have kids - you can't go through cold turkey and continue to live normally. But that's only my opinion. Some on here will say it's easy.

    My full story is on this site. I've posted quite a lot.

    If you need to ask anything or just want some support let me know.

    Sue x

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  • Posted

    Are you taking them for pain? That's how I started.
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    • Posted

      Yes sue I am in pain STILL, but obviously it's spiralled out of control. You are a very strong and brave woman even though you probably don't feel like it. I wouldn't do cold turkey , tried it once and I did well for like 2 weeks and then as usual I slipped back.  I've no willpower with anything , even trying to loose weight. Any ways I can't do it all at once , lol.  
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    • Posted

      No you can't do it all at once! I've not denied myself chocolate or fast food since I started detoxing! I can deal with the weight later.

      That interesting that you say that. I went cold turkey once. Horrendous doesn't even cover it! I promised myself I would never go back after going through that pain as I expect you did.

      2 weeks is actually fantastic but that's the point you realise stopping is really hard but STAYING stopped is the problem.

      I have osteoarthritis in my knees, endometriosis and suffer with bad migraines so I had plenty of excuses to shove codeine and tramadol down my neck.

      Saying that coping with physical pain is not what takes me back it's the mental torture of having my feelings back. And boy do they come back!

      I feel like a teenager again. I spend most of my days crying and have the most awful temper. I have been on an urgent waiting list for counselling and CBT for 5 months now!

      Does anyone know? Could you get someone to help by (as has been said write a taper plan) giving you only the amount you need for the day. We bought a safe so it could all be locked away and my husband would take the key to work.

      It's never going to be easy. Stopping or staying stopped.

      Do you get your prescription from your GP? In the end I was buying hundreds of pounds worth of pure codeine so I could take more and more!!

      Sue x

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    • Posted

      OMG I forgot about the teenage feelings. I literally would have f****d anything that moved. The sex drive was ridiculous .some of the meds come from my GP and a lot of it is coming from my own pocket. I appreciate being able to tap into other addicts thoughts. I think at least then you know it's not just you!!.

      Angie x

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  • Posted

    I had to cut down the amount of opiates. Write down daily what I took and what time.  I made a schedule out to quit.  I actually stopped before my scheduled time.  Its probably the only way to do it if you want to keep functioning without rehab.  I live alone and could not afford to take off work and go to a rehab and my doctor wasn't any help so I did it myself.  I did, however, go to a psychiatrist and he prescribed some anti anxiety med and another med to help me sleep so I was able to get thru it easier. Xanax for anxiety and Seraquel for sleep and the other crazy symptoms.  I am opiate free now since New Years Eve and feel better and clearer thoughts and more energy.  Not perfect by any means, but I don't have the horrible pain that I thought I would have, which was preventing me from stopping. 
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  • Posted

    You have all done really well. Do not give up.

    Sue rightly says "staying stopped" is hard as well. One suggestion: consider contacting Narcotics anonymous 0300-999-1212; or go to a local meeting: look on line at ukna.org

    NA is NOT patronised by only young people: the average age is about 45. It is NOT only for people who have used illegal drugs. Roughly one-third of members are women. You do not have to be abstinent to attend: it will help you to stop. There is no cost. Many 1000s in Britain have benefited. What have you to lose?

     

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  • Posted

    What did lawyer write ? 
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  • Posted

    Thankyou , I hope I didn't cause any trouble.
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  • Posted

    Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned about s** drive. Especially the F word . Although I did block it out with stars. Too much information for some people which I quite understand. Just one thing I must say which has struck me since joining these discussions.  I always imagined addicts of any kind to be unintelligent, scruffy  , etc.  I see now that that could not be further from the truth. It's because where I live the people usually are just that . It really can grab anyone of any walk of life or financial status , I see that now).  So it really is much bigger than we are , the power of our minds isn't even strong enough sometimes to take on addiction.  Very powerful and thought provoking in a way I'd never considered until I went on here.  I love the way people pull together to try and help when they know what that other person is trying to deal with.
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