Where have I gone?

Hi Angie

I was taking codeine for 5 years. Like you I had an extremely busy life, I was a single mum and to keep things together (well keep me together) I kept upping my dose so eventually I was on 1200 mg codeine plus 30-60 mg of diazepam.

I went in to a private rehab in August my daughter was 16 and I had just got married and promised my partner I would stop after the honeymoon.

We could only afford 2 weeks which cost us 9k - had I of been able to stay for 8-12 weeks I have no doubt I'd be clean now.

I had to turn to the NHS. They started me on subutex and diazepam and begun reducing slowly. I was doing okay until something else went wrong - my husband told me he was transgender.

I have no family my mum who was my best friend died nearly 6 years ago.

It's hard but I'm still going - on 4mg of sub and 14 mg of diazepam now - work have been holding my job open but I don't know how much longer they will.

I'm struggling mostly with depression but I've suffered since 13 so others don't have to fight the mental battle so hard, although anyone who has been taking opiates for a long time will need to let their brain chemistry recover.

Can you talk to your GP about tapering slowly off them? It really is the best way especially if you have kids - you can't go through cold turkey and continue to live normally. But that's only my opinion. Some on here will say it's easy.

My full story is on this site. I've posted quite a lot.

If you need to ask anything or just want some support let me know.

Sue x

Are you taking them for pain? That's how I started.

I had to cut down the amount of opiates. Write down daily what I took and what time.  I made a schedule out to quit.  I actually stopped before my scheduled time.  Its probably the only way to do it if you want to keep functioning without rehab.  I live alone and could not afford to take off work and go to a rehab and my doctor wasn't any help so I did it myself.  I did, however, go to a psychiatrist and he prescribed some anti anxiety med and another med to help me sleep so I was able to get thru it easier. Xanax for anxiety and Seraquel for sleep and the other crazy symptoms.  I am opiate free now since New Years Eve and feel better and clearer thoughts and more energy.  Not perfect by any means, but I don't have the horrible pain that I thought I would have, which was preventing me from stopping. 

You have all done really well. Do not give up.

Sue rightly says "staying stopped" is hard as well. One suggestion: consider contacting Narcotics anonymous 0300-999-1212; or go to a local meeting: look on line at ukna.org

NA is NOT patronised by only young people: the average age is about 45. It is NOT only for people who have used illegal drugs. Roughly one-third of members are women. You do not have to be abstinent to attend: it will help you to stop. There is no cost. Many 1000s in Britain have benefited. What have you to lose?

 

What did lawyer write ? 

Thankyou , I hope I didn't cause any trouble.

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned about s** drive. Especially the F word . Although I did block it out with stars. Too much information for some people which I quite understand. Just one thing I must say which has struck me since joining these discussions.  I always imagined addicts of any kind to be unintelligent, scruffy  , etc.  I see now that that could not be further from the truth. It's because where I live the people usually are just that . It really can grab anyone of any walk of life or financial status , I see that now).  So it really is much bigger than we are , the power of our minds isn't even strong enough sometimes to take on addiction.  Very powerful and thought provoking in a way I'd never considered until I went on here.  I love the way people pull together to try and help when they know what that other person is trying to deal with.

Emis Moderator: Alan - just to thank you for guidance on reference to the third party site.

Angie: Your last post is great, thanks.