Why again?

Posted , 7 users are following.

I hate to have write this and say this but things are worse again. I was so sure this time that things were going to be different, I felt good, I felt better, I felt normal! But...I'm not! It was nice to feel/think it for a while but at the same time it's horrible as it feels like the world was playing a cruel trick on me. It was a long time coming, feeling normal/happy it was a good feeling but now my world has came crashing down again! I honestly thought things were finally on the up! It was hard at times but I had this strength, somehow I had more courage to keep on and I did you know? I kept pushing through, I fought it and felt proud that I was/could which only makes it harder to admit that I failed now! I tried so so much and I still failed! What else can I do? I feel like I used all my strength this time, I gave it all I could but I still lost 😢

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  • Posted

    Aww dondon

    I know exactly where your coming from let me tell you I do that's exactly what I meant when I said on someone's post the other week I'm not sure we ever get better.

    We learn how to manage it. Drs spoon feed use we will feel "normal" to a certain degree, in yet to meet a single person that can hand on heart say I used to suffer from depression or anxiety but I'm all better now

    The Drs may believe it's possible although I put it down to ignorance they don't know how you feel all they know is how well you can describe how you feel with the words within you volcabulary and how they perceive those words.

    I believe it's a lifestyle we can manage it with meds for a short while then our bodies and brains decided to fight against the meds kind of like they build up a intolerance to the chemicals it's a mental illness after all it also explains why Drs keep switching the mess they prescribe

    I'm afraid I myself have resided myself to the belief I'll have depression for ever I've just got to find the perfect way to manage it I've tried all sorts of meds excercise even suicide in the past

    Prevention is always better than cure I'm sur you'll agree I currently don't take any meds I personally don't see the point the crashes I had whilst on them where so great ( it's not for everyone that so I'm not saying don't take any) I used the meds to get me to a point of as the doctors said a degree of normality then I used my numbness to start exercising at the gym and doing things for myself I stated a journal I write in when I start to feel low ( makes me feel like I've talked to someone) even tho I haven't it lifts that weight so I don't buckle

    Everyday is still a mystery to me I don't know how I will feel however most days I get up and feel normal I still have small crashes you know but not to the scale as I was having them

    If you need to talk you can always message me

    Hold in on there dondon

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    • Posted

      Hi, that is a great post.  I can understand everything you say about the meds, the ups and downs and i am trying to work my way through this quagmire.  I have breathing techniques, books on how to,overcome the illness, drs visits, cbt. I thinkmthe worst bit is trying new meds and finding they make me worse i e sick, over anxious etc the thing i hate most about attempting to manage this is not wamting to see friends and if they do call in i just want them to go, this was not me, whats has happened? I am doing like you, just dealing with it as best i can but boy does it mess with friends and family.  Some odymout there must be able to make a magic pill
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    • Posted

      Yes Anne I think as I said there has got to be a even keel found using not only meds but as you suggested breathing techniques cbt and other things that work for you

      I feel we put a lot of faith in Drs and what they say we hold them and their advice so close to us we hope a pill will sort it out and I think it does for a while but depression anxiety they are in your head your brain wants you to feel unhappy so your fighting yourself and the mind is our most powerful asset

      I think the brain and body get used to these masking drugs and find away around them exercise realeases feel good hormones so if you keep topped up on those hormones with the aid of the meds it helps subside the brains control and chemicals take I've it's just my therory of course but it's working for me right now

      Yes I think as you say it does effect relationships with friends and family but again I think this is also the power of our minds the mind thinks you deserve to be isolated so will throw a whole load of paranoia your family and close friends notice a change in your behaviour and so go about thing more cautiously feeding your paranoia all the more

      It's also why insomnia kicks in we all know that in the day time we can pick up the phone ring a friend go out break that thought pattern but your mind doesn't want that it wants as I said before you alone so it can feed horrid thoughts to you so the best time to do that is at night time when it's not so easy to get help or call a friend your brain knows this is the best time to play with your thought pattern it makes sense that'll it's going to strike when it has more power to influence

      Keep holding on and trying new things one day someone will find the ultimate way to deal with this stay in touch mike

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    • Posted

      Thanks so much for your very in depth reading of the situation, its only those who have suffered who really understand. Its all so right but trying to unravel ones own situation is hard when enduring it.   Every day i try to achieve something but some days its more difficult.  I look forward to more wise words in future.
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  • Posted

    To give up is the easy option, I'm coming out the other side of a bad episode of pain which messes with your mind. You take small steps each day, which will take longer but it won't take all your energy. Don't get frustrated about how long it takes, that will put you back, just focus on the goal and how great it is when you get there. Then only focus on that feeling and not what might ruin that feeling, as hard as it is and I do know how hard it is keep looking forward, never backwards. I hope you can take something from this and you get back to where you want to be.x

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  • Posted

     I have a theory, I am also moody and I will be going along ok and then drop procrastinate have struggles with motivation, dont know what to do except go to bed and try and sleep it off- which sometimes works because I might not sleep but I get fed up with being in bed and feel like doing something- so I discover myself again.

    Otherwise I force myself to do something like painting which I dont feel a bit like doing but then as I do it i become interested, so maybe you could surprise yourself!

    anyway my theory, I suspect that the good moods often high or very high are like natures break from you feeling bad, the brain says no you cannot stay in that state so it shifts but its compensational hence the unreal nature( for many) of it wen you feel better. Nature does try and cure I think, then you might say well why do we drop again? I dont think the higher mood can be sustained. Its very disappointing isnt it. Have you had any trauma or stress in your earlier life to give you a scar?

    I once say a  television programme( American) I think it was cognitive therapy, but the therapist told members in the audience. That what they are experiencing, whether its emotional or practcally based is only for today ( the day in question) and you cannot know what you will feel tomorrow or thereafter, and that the trouble with people who get depressed or have problems they think it is going to be forever but we cannot know actuall which I is true isnt it.

    YOu have gone into a downer obviously but if you have baggage from the past you need someone to talk to about it ( a lot)

    I had 11 years 5days a week group therapy and individual therapy, and did it help you ask and I say yes it made me make a life for myself which I could not have done, it brought  me alive. However having settled down with someone I found being alone brought me down I was alright in company as I am now. I am always saying that the right meds help and I have been put on loads od differnt ones until finally I came upon one which leaves me feeling real but doesnt take away some of the depression but enough to make me cope and  lessons the anxiety I carry on mostly like anyone would except for literal isolation ( I have a husband and grown children).

    I said Vitamin B3  is said to cure depression I am trying it, it make syou get a hot flush and you dont take a higher dose then until that stops happening then you increase incrementally. start with 50 mg go up even to 1000 to cure depression according to how your body takes it.I think I probably said to you to go onnto you tube and type in NIacin for depression or Vitamin b3 and I think there is nothing to be lost in trying it as its only a vitamin and you cant overdose. Hope you feel better soon Gill 

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  • Posted


    You need to discuss your depression with your GP, He/She will be able to introduce you to a treatment plan and explain various coping skills

    Try Relaxation Techniques and Breathing exercises, both can be found on the Internet. MINDFULNESS may help.

    Hobbies and diversions may help with negative moods, I am a firm believer in this approach as it works for me.

    We all at times feel our life has been a failure, to be honest we all go through this attitude to life and we all have to eventually understand we are not failures it is part of living and we need to move on and shrug our shoulders.


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    • Posted

      wellbutrin is not and srri which dont agree with me or work anyway, it is an old anti depressant but has few side effects I havent had any. Lamotrogine is an anti epileptic used also for depression anxiety and for fibre myalgia pain, it is harmless even in high doses and is given to babies and animals too as if lamotrogine  which is also an anti epileptic

      when I feel things are getting on top of me I just take extra gabapentin which is sedative or relaxing at 300mg once a day in once dose I take 100mg twice a day it is a great steadier when you feel you are giong bats. Wellbutrin I take 1 pill 150mg   a day. And lamotrogine 1 x 50mg twice a day, I can be very ill and agitated and extremly depressed and get lots of physical symtoms too, ad I find that those plus extra gabapentin steady me up.

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    • Posted

      I don't think I've heard of them paramedics took my meds so now have none for today im panicking im not sure they even help anymore but I need reassurance that I've taken them you know?

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