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Why can't I make everyone happy like I want to be?

Posted , 3 users are following.

Scott_Gay
Scott_Gay

Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try to help everyone you care deeply about, there's nothing you can do. These are just little things like (e.g. My girlfriend's cousin who's a dear friend for some reason can't tell me how to help her with whatever problem she is hiding so I have to sit back and watch her suffer) it's not just her either, it's everyone I know... It's as if they won't accept my care for them, so this has left me feeling useless, not to mention that it has made me feel like I can't ask to help them more out of fear of rejection. I try so hard to make everyone happy because I want to be the person I've always wanted in my life, but all of this; caring too much for others is slowly making me depressed (not eating meals, not sleeping etc. you know the symptoms) and all I want to do is make people happy. Is there anything I can do to make sure everyone is happy alongside myself without abandoning everyone including my girlfriend and family? Why can't the good people in the world, people like you reading this, be treated well in this life? Thank you just for reading my "short story" or whatever, it's comforting knowing that people notice me...

2 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • elizabeth20203
    elizabeth20203 Scott_Gay

    Posted

    Hello Scott, I understand where you are coming from as i am similar to yourself. I like to help others and feel rejected and almost unloved if i am not in that role. I know mine stems from wanting to be accepted and the only way is to help others. I suspect you feel something similar. You must look after yourself thou as if we don't we are of no use to others. Do not neglect eating and sleeping as you will burn yourself out. I struggle with low confidence and self esteem and have very little support myself even thou i struggle with my own health physical as well as mental. Try to do things for yourself, enjoy life, it's not selfish to put your needs first as we can only help others if we look after ourselves first. I live alone and feel lonely which is why i need to feel needed if that makes sense as well as wanting to help others too. You may have your own reasons.  We are not responsible for the happiness of others only our own happiness. Hope this helps.

    Best wishes.

    Elizabeth.

    • Scott_Gay
      Scott_Gay elizabeth20203

      Posted

      I think I understand where you're coming from, I know it might sound bad, but I think I might isolate myself from people until I can make myself happy. Since last night, my girlfriend had an argument with me involving her wanting to be alone rather than being with me. I won't get into much detail, but I think we're having a small break of maybe 2 weeks to sort ourselves out so this may be the best opportunity to resolve my mental state problem. Thank you for your genuine concern and advise, it has made me realise that I'm important too because if I'm not well, I'll be unable to effectively help others. It's so nice knowing that people like you are able to help people like me within one night x
  • SteV3
    SteV3 Scott_Gay

    Posted

    Hi Scott,

    I personally think it is impossible to make everyone feel happy like yourself. I am disabled and have been for over 30 years now - I like to make people and family happy, in some cases it is beyond our capabilities, and no matter what you do or say to a person they will never change, but this happens to people when they are older and much set in their ways over the years. It's like there's a barrier between you and them, and one which cannot be broken.

    You have others whom will accept you with open arms, whom will help and care for you in the same way you care for them.

    But, then there's the 'odd' group whereby whatever you try to do, just backfires at you - yes, I been there before.

    I like to help people, and have helped many on these forums, not just by talking to them on these forums but taking it a step higher and pushing them when they feel they cannot cope with being rejected even more. Actually, getting a person to accept what you're saying and what the outcome could be in most cases, I find brings happiness not just to myself but to others as well. Having a wealth of knowledge can help in many ways, and I have proved this many times over.

    Sometimes "out of the blue" I get a private message saying Thanks for all your help, I would have never got as far without you telling me and what I should and shouldn't do. A message like that makes me feel good in myself, and proves to me that I can make people happy, even if they are far away.

    In my family there is only my brother and myself left, yet trying to break the barrier between him and myself is impossible, I have tried many times and so as my wife, we have helped many times and never hear a "Thanks", it would be nice - but he classes us as outsiders because he is a reborn again Christian. What difference that makes considering the mess he's now in, is beyond me. I guess he wishes to live that way and nothing will I or anyone else will change the way he is!

    Regards,

    Les.

    • Scott_Gay
      Scott_Gay SteV3

      Posted

      Thank you for taking the time out of your day to share your past experiences smile
  • Macvee
    Macvee Scott_Gay

    Posted

    Hi Scott,

    Please look after yourself, this is so important. I understood what your

    saying as I felt like that for so long. I actually think its more that we want

    to be needed to make us happy even though we want others to be

    happy. All we can do is what is right for us but at the same time keep the communication open with the people we love so that they are able to come

    • Macvee
      Macvee

      Posted

      Sorry hit the wrong button.

      to come to us when they need to. I have felt much better by doing this as I have managed to spend more time doing the

      things for me.

      Look after you first.

    • Scott_Gay
      Scott_Gay Macvee

      Posted

      Yeah, I can see where you're coming from about the open to with people part because yesterday I isolated myself totally from everyone and, well, I had more time to do things like eat a proper meal, do some revision for school (etc.) But it was just so lonely. What I might try next as I'm going on a day out with my family today is try and keep a conversation with them but perhaps switch my phone off in the car so that I'm not tempted to go on Facebook with friends and more family. Maybe by cutting myself from technology for today, I won't be forced to either cut myself off from my family to avoid problems or constantly check up on people?
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