Why do a feel so scared after an invite for coffee :(?

Posted , 6 users are following.

Been invited to meet up with a friend for coffee in a couple of weeks. I haven't seen anyone for months whilst I've been ill, other than one friend. Had this invite from a different friend to meet up and at the time i just said yeah that's fine and accepted the invite but since i put the phone down to her all i've done is worry about it. So much that it's now keeping me awake. I know this probably sounds stupid, i feel stupid for just waffling on about such a small thing, but it's just brought a feeling of dread to me, it's ridiculous. Why am i so scared of my friend. I've been thinking well perhaps i should just cancel on her, but then i've started worrying about that, and letting her down or her thinking that it's rude, i've started crying about it too. I'm just so frustrated with myself that i can't go and have coffee with a friend because i'm so stressed out about it, and frustrated with myself for being so ridiculous when there's people with much bigger problems and i'm here moaning about this. I'm not really expecting anyone to reply, i just felt i wanted to get it out, thought it might get it off my head so i could sleep.

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Why not just enjoy the moment and go for the coffee. What is scaring you? are you enemies? I should bite the bullet, go and have a nice time. You have been isolated for too long.

    Richard

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  • Posted

    Everything is scaring me, i don't think it's going to be that easy that i can just make myself go. I'm worried about making conversation, what we will talk about, i'm worried about me crying or getting in a panic, and what'll happen if i do get in a panic, i might have to just leave half way through. No she is a good friend, orobably tye person who has helped me the most through my depression and anxiety, we talk on the phone every few weeks, was probably twice a week when i was at my worst. She came to some of my doctors appointments with me in the beginning. It got a bit difficult for me to see her though so we've just been talking on the phone for the last few months. Basically the last time i saw her i wasn't in a great state at all, i was highly anxious, and agitated, and basically talking of harming myself and having suicidal thoughts, she took me to the doctors to help get me some help.

    I don't know why i am so scared though now. I'm still awake worrying about it. I know it sounds like i am pathetic, that's how i feel.

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  • Posted

    you are worrying about future events that you don't know the outcome of. Try and remain in the present instead of the past or future and things will be better. It does not matter if you are friends how you behave. Just enjoy it and don't worry about how you were. Be yourself.

    Richard

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  • Posted

    Sunset I agree with Richard. I know I worry about future things instead of dealing with the present. If she is a true friend she will understand.
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  • Posted

    Sunset are you worrying that she will expect you to be back to normal because she won't she's probably the one who knows you best and won't have any expectation of you, she just wants to meet up and see how you are, it's normal when you feel this way to shut yourself away and not see anyone, if she's a good friend she will accept that you are still not feeling so well, sometimes we need to be got out of the house I know it's our safe zone but we need to be challenged, I know when I was feeling this bad my daughter came round and made me get dressed and go to the doctors I felt like the child being told what to do by the mother but I had been putting so many obstacles up as to why I couldn't go anywhere I don't think I would have gone without her, so whatever happens on your meeting she will fine with it try not to think about it until it gets nearer, take yourself out for short walks, little steps is the way forward be kind to yourself.

    Sue

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  • Posted

    Thankyou all for your messages, I wasn't really expecting anyone to reply but thankyou you have all made me feel a little more relaxed. It's mainly the frustration with myself that I feel stupid for feeling so worried about it, and it's not that I don't want to go because I do. If it was like an invite to a party or something then that would be different, I would be worrying about it because I wouldn't want to go, but it's only coffee.

    I have been able to get out of the house and do things by myself, and I have seen one of my other friends and my cousin, but they're the only people I've seen. Other than that and going to the doctors I tend to just stay at home by myself, like you said sue in my safe zone. My counsellor from the cmht has pointed this out to me before because when she asked me when I feel at my best or happiest, I said when I was at home by myself. She said it's probably because that's when I feel safest because I don't have to talk to anyone, I won't have anyone asking me things I don't want to answer and I feel in control of the situation.

    I had to call my friend today, I asked if it would be ok if I let her know a couple of days before how I was feeling. I didn't want to have to worry about it for the days leading up to it and I didn't want to just spring it on her on the day that I couldn't go. I know I have to try though.

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  • Posted

    Hi sunset I'm glad you have spoken to your friend and explained how you feel at least you have given yourself the option to see how you feel nearer the time and not worry about it. It's true we do feel the safest when we are at home because we are in control but remember we can still be in control outside, sometimes I feel I have worn out all my friends, but I do know I have a few close friends that always are there for me and if they don't hear from me for a while they are on the phone and can always tell from my voice if I am struggling and then they ring me daily and check on me, but it's not easy being open with people I always feel I should be able to get myself out of this myself but my patience wears thin I never seem to be kind to myself we forget to do this but we can be kind to everyone else, now I just take one day at a time and see what tomorrow brings

    Take care sue

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  • Posted

    Hi Sue

    Yeah I do feel better that I hopefully won't be worrying about it so much now after speaking to her. She was fine with it aswell, and said there's no pressure and she won't expect anything until she's heard from me a few days before. I guess I felt quite worried aswell about me letting her down if I decided I couldn't go, started worrying that I would have ruined her plans and she could have planned something else for her day. Yeah I do think I am someone who thinks of others first and worries about them being happy, always worrying about what others think and about letting people down, and rarely thinking of myself or putting myself first. People say I wouldn't make a fuss if I was on fire.

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  • Posted

    but I do know I have a few close friends that always are there for me and if they don't hear from me for a while they are on the phone and can always tell from my voice if I am struggling and then they ring me daily and check on me
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  • Posted

    I have exactly the same problem as you, Sunset. I live on my own & when I am in a down mood, I jump when the postman comes down the path, thinking that I might have to answer the door & talk to someone. I feel that as a grown man I shouldn't have to behave this way. I go out for a drink with some friends once a fortnight & I dread it until I get there & settle in. It's like, as if the first comments are going to set the tone for the evening. So far all has been well. I can certainly relate to your trepidation though. The feelings are usually based on unfounded fear as to what might happen. FWIW, your friend sounds like a very nice & understanding lady, you are fortunate to have someone who seems to accept you for what you are & tries her best to put you at your ease. Accept the invite, you will be fine.
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  • Posted

    Hi lee, thanks for your message, sorry you feel like me too though, but it's good to know that i'm not just crazy and that someone knows what i feel like.

    I have been better at going out when i'm by myself or with my family, i go shopping and stuff bit i tend to choose to go to shops that are furter away because i worry about bumping into people. Like today i went to the shops that are half an hour away instead of just 10 minutes away. I feel stupid doing it but i feel more relaxed not to worry about bumping into people who i'll have to talk to.

    Yes my friend is very understanding, she is a bit older than me and knows more about depression than me.

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