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I'm 32. I have been fighting with booze and weed for 20 years. I use alcahol to avoid everyday problems. My buisness is just about finished. I ruined my relationship with my kids mom. I attempt to bring women home, but I'm always to drunk. Thank god. I'm depressed, sometimes suicidal. I know pot isn't a big deal but I use it to numb myself. It's almost as bad as the booze. I'm so embarrassed of myself I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I'm sick of my poor choices and the way alcohol has Sucked my life away. I no longer have hobbies, dreams, or goals. My reputation is destroyed. Dry out and a a and council ing is no help to me. I'm very immature, I feel that this is from using substance to avoid real life. I'm sick of waking up at 4 am with anxiety and panic attacks. I'm sick of being lonely. I'm sick of being stressed. I feel that this would all go away if only I didn't drink. I just keep getting worse. I had a friend who killed himself and so I know the pain this causes. I don't want to die anyway.i just want to be happy for once. And sober. I just want to live again. With no guilt or shame and know where and what I did the night before. I'm such a weak person so i guess I'd like to know how other people deal with this. Good or bad.
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