Why do I feel like my ex planned everything to hurt me

Posted , 6 users are following.

Was happy in relationship for 16 years thought she was the one for me and all my mates did to so many left in shock and how she done it we have two Kids aged 10 and 6 and has destroyed them to when I lost my brother I was going thru so much and very depressed locked my self away couldn't talk to anyone anyway she was going out a lot find out one night thru Fb she wa lying and was with her secret lover she's 32 Nd he's 54 makes me sick seeing them cuddled up in pic on Fb then if that wasn't bad enough I fi d her dirty underwear in her work coat when she come home I confronted her about it all and got pack lies she decided to pack her bags and take my kids with her now live with him she's took my kids out the country without my permission don't get to go to there birthdays nothing she was never like this now I feel she's took everything my life's a mess don't wana go out keep crying I'm just so low I never wanted to get back in to relationship with her first because didn't wanna get hurt it's always me I hate my life feel so low

1 like, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Warren,

    sorry you are so down. Holiday only seems to make it worse.

    I was thinking though that it can't possibly be legal for your ex to take the kids out of the country.

    there must be a way to get them back

    good luck

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    • Posted

      She's took them out the country twice now without my permission she seems to think she can do what she pleases my kids heads are already messed up what she's done to them often my kids will cry and tell me they wanna be home with daddy they not happy there

      They are back now but what's to say she won't do it again she just wants to play with my head and I'm not in right frame of mind feel low as it is why I ever got back in to relationship I don't know seriously has hurt me what she keeps doing

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    • Posted

      Hi Warren,

      i think you need to see a lawyer and child protection services. I am in the US and it is illegal for a parent to take kids out of state like she has done.

      I hope you can get over her soon. you will find someone else to love, you will.. 

      but I really think you need to stop her taking the kids like that.

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    • Posted

      I can't afford a laser they expensive here and have been dragged they courts before with my eldest daughter costing £18000 in court fees and didn't get no where after 3 years I'm gonna try talk to my mum are if she can talk to her and sort this out it's wrecking me not knowing if there Here or in another country seems to be happening a lot lately not sure where to go from now

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    • Posted

      wow, i am sorry. what  a mess. but i am still hopeful there is a way to stop this.  this cant be legal. there must be a way to contact some government agency to put a stop to this
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  • Posted

    Hi Warren,

    I've seen your previous posts & I do feel your pain. My wife of 20 years left me for someone else 6 years ago - just left a note. We had no children so the breakup wasn't as messy as it could have been. The pain of betrayal by the person you believe to be your best friend/life partner/soul mate is devastating. The world no longer turns on the same axis; everything is turned upside down. You are feeling grief at the "death" of a relationship along with all the emotions that go with that....anger, despair, etc. I would just say to you that what you are experiencing is natural, but life is still worth living. Your health is your number 1 priority at the moment. Your children still need their Dad, more than ever. You want to see them grow up & they will be a source of joy to you throughout your life. But you must focus on the future & not the past. I would recommend some counselling when you feel able, maybe even a support group - the people who will understand you most are those who have been through the same thing as you. Please try not to torture yourself by assuming what your ex's motivation or thoughts are. We all change & we all disappoint others by not living up to their expectations. The human heart is led by a miriad of different things. Don't get caught up in the blame game. What you are experiencing is devastating & awful. I'm not condoning your ex's actions but hating her will damage you more than it does her. Your emotions need to be talked through. Use this forum to do that. Counselling may also be useful as I mentioned before. Don't isolate yourself from your closest friends - they will worry about you & will want to help. Take one step at a time but keep looking to the future - you & your children's. Keep us updated mate. Wishing you all the best.

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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply I feel so much pain and hurt from what she done to me she was supposed to be my one and only but all she's done is hurt me I can't even sleep upstairs in nice comfortable bed but can't face being in there so I sleep on sofa downstairs the whole house brings back memories I have tried to make it different paint house but the end if the day them feelings still there I have been thru a lot in my life ended up getting in lot of trouble she got me thru this even my mates can't believe what she's done all shocked they thought we would be together forever she was always with me I don't know how i can get over this i know I need counseling but seems like no one wants to help been doctors and waiting still it's making me unsociable don't wanna go out don't eat properly my health's gone right down hill also worried sick I could be very sick need to have tests which is Also on my mind i cant even look at my ex makes me so angry and upset I just can't believe this is happening missed my boys birthday because she wouldn't let me talk to him but thought be nice to send me pic of my boy but with her new man in back ground is that just to mess with my head even more why she doing this I was never nasty to her never ever hit her never cheated on her always tryed to make it work and give her the best I could nice cars nice holidays that' sort thing will I ever get over her can I move on my sex life has gone to pot and I'm always worried not sure why but can never seem to be interested or want sex this ain't me at all was always first one and wanted sex all time my body is changing so much I don't know what I feel anymore im so lost

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    • Posted

      Wow buddy 20 years and just a note s**t that must of hurt big time how did u get thru this i have only been in long relationships both ended by them if I was that bad why stay for 16 years don't understand why im seeing doctor this week my life's seems to be getting worse

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  • Posted

    It's sad but you are only hurting yourself . You must accept that she has fallen in love with someone else . His age is of no consequence and children will make their own conclusion as time marches on . Often one takes solitude that they were the innocent loving partner which is admirable . However she obviously has met and fallen for someone new and you need to accept this and move on with your own life . It is pointless going over what ifs what's and why ? Accept that she has found happiness else where and rebuild your own life without bitterness and anger it does you no good 

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    • Posted

      I think there is a lot of truth in what David said & even if it takes time to heal & rebuild your life, letting the bitterness go, accept things & find your own happiness again, I agree with david that that would be the healthies approach to the issue. I know that is easier said than done not being emotionally involved but maybe you can get some distance & look at things from a different perspective soon. Warren, I am sure she didn't plan anything to hurt you - you were together for 16 years after all, you got kids etc. I guess people change, needs change, feelings change, relationships change & even if it is sad that she (I assume) never voiced that so you didn't have a chance to work on things & continue to make it work, you will need to eventually come to terms with the reality. I guess with things still being so heathed you never really had the chance to sit down together & talk things through so you could understand how it could have come to this - instead it hit you in the face out of the blue with all the other things going on in your life & I am sure it takes some time to come to terms with it. That she went about things the way she did, sneaking & cheating & how she acts now with regards to the kids is absolutely not okay or excusable in any way, shape or form though...however, I hope you two can eventually work something out for the sake of the children at least, they shouldn't need to suffer because of that. I hope you can find a healthy way to deal with everything & eventually move on. Stay strong & try to look into the future. wink

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