Why do I feel terrible for so many years?

Hello,

nice to meet you all, this is my first post so I'd like to say hello.

There is so much to tell about my condition, so I'll try to keep things as short as possible. I'm 26 years old guy now. I've been bullied for many years in my childhood, lived in constant stress, wanted to kill myself. Today I feel that people like and respect me, but my anxiety still occurs, even though I tried so many solutions, including therapies. The best word to describe my mood is `unstable`. One moment I feel depressive and then I feel euphoric. My moods are driven by my (in my opinion obsessive) thoughts and analyzing. I do suffer from weak memory and the feel of being outside of reality as well.

What I'd like to discuss here is my physical condition. I feel discomfort in my stomach for about 10-11 years now. I have extreme sugar cravings, sometimes I can eat more than 1 pound of chocolate at once. I crave for sweets even when I'm full. It's my only addiction, other than that I don't use much alcohol, I've never smoked and don't drink any coffee, tea etc. I know that stomach discomfort is often related with mental state and I believe it is in my case. But I also believe it's not that simple case. There's one more thing. I have hyperlordosis and scoliosis, which I try to correct by exercises. It's not extreme on the outside, you'd probably find my posture "not perfect" but not "bad". Please don't think I'm just pointing my symptoms to make myself feel better, this one is important. Because of hyperlordisis, I'm unable to breath correctly in standing position. I can't take full breath to my diaphragm, since it's blocked. Hyperlordosis impacts my moves as well. I see that I can move more comfortably when I force the correct posture (which is hard to do). And now the most important part. I try to be active, but exercises are real nightmare for me, especially running. I go to gym 3 times a week, but the level of discomfort I experience every time is very high. All stress is being cumulated in my stomach and I feel like sick immediately. I'm not sure if that's clearly physical or mental reaction, but it's like my nerves are responding too strong. That's why my sport results are bad. I feel that I could do a lot more, because I'm not tired yet, but my body is all stressed, especially in stomach area. There's one more thing. About year ago, I tried antidepressant for a few weeks and that was the first time ever for me to be able to work out comfortably. Yes, I felt tired, but I think that's how one should feel when he's tired. No stress, panic-like feeling, my stomach was quite neutral. My results were much, much better then, but it lasted for just a few days. It was the kind of medicine that blocked anxiety and one of its side effects was being unable to ejaculate. My dream is to wipe this horrible discomfort out of my life.

Thank you if you have read my message. Please don't judge me too early. I know the easiest answer would be "you're hypochondric, dude", especially that I'm neurotic and emotionally unstable. But I consider myself - and others consider me as well - very conscious person. The only things diagnosed so far was acid reflux, bile duct inflammation and giardiasis, all under control now. I think those are more like results of constant stress than cause of anything.

Please let me know what you think, what's your point of view. I want to be able to live in normal levels of comfort, to be active.

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